To feel like everyone hates me?

[macbooks]

I know the above statement isn’t true and completely illogical. But I can’t help but think it at times. Anyone else?

For example I went to a large after work dinner today. I was polite but boring probably. We waited 90 minutes for food and the conversation in between was awkward, then the food was awful too. Most of the people afterwards went “out out” together and I wasn’t invited. The logical side of me wants to say, I didn’t want to go anyway so they were right not to ask me as I was clearly uncomfortable. The other side of me wants to say, they didn’t invite me cause they all dislike me and don’t want to be around me etc. how do you rationalise these thoughts?

Try not to worry. I’m sure you came across better than you thought you did, though I can empathise that it can be very awkward making small talk at these types of event.

Re the going out afterwards it was probably just a case of whoever wanted to tag along just went, rather than invitations being made.

I've felt like this myself! I invited friends out for dinner and got no response at all, that was a week ago. It does make you think, is it me? But the truth Is have done absolutely nothing wrong towards them ever so it's their problem. I've only ever been polite, kind, caring so it ain't my loss 🤷‍♀️ suppose you have to think of it that way. Think people just get so wrapped up in themselves sometimes, they just don't think and that's fine but better taking a step back. I wouldn't go out with them again, they sound rude and could of tried to involve you.

I struggle with this too. It helps to remind yourself that no one is thinking about how they feel about you nearly as much as you ruminate about it

Does anyone else find they start thinking like this after drinking alcohol? I’m up for work now, and don’t have that same feeling like “everyone hates me” since the alcohol has worn off. It’s just weird that I jumped to thinking I was the problem after a drink.

Eg last night, there were 2 cliques that went. I was sat in the middle of them on a long table. So there were 2 separate conversations flying off either side.

Eg the colleague next to me had her back towards me the entire night, speaking to others and didn’t involve me in the conversation. We regularly go out after work and she messages me daily so idk why she practically ignored me. Then she even asked if I got her a gift as she’s leaving on Friday as we are “friends”? Felt really grabby 😂

I know a few people who suffer from this intrusive feeling a lot. I think when you have alcohol it's easy to lose the rational voice that you might use to talk yourself down. It's unlikely that everyone hates you you were invited out and it's easy to get lost in conversation on those big tables.

A question for you though, if everyone did hate you, why might that be ? Normally if lots of people dislike someone it's for a common reason, which might be easy for you to change. Are you tight or mean with money, or mean spirited in general ? do you moan or talk about yourself relentlessly? Just thinking of traits of people I work with that are not well liked.

I honestly think the best way to deal with these thoughts is to look inward because lots of people don't dislike people for no reason. Is it you ? If not, it's probably not true.

That’s interesting, thanks. When I feel like this, I tend to replay conversations in my head and scan for anything I did wrong. This is typically after alcohol.

I know no one at work actually hates me so that’s not rational. I haven’t really done anything wrong. I tend to be quiet and keep to myself if anything though so maybe people might judge me for that.

Also the majority of colleagues that went are all: decade older than me; strict Muslims; male. They regularly socialise with each other outside of work. There was lots of cultural conversation they had for example that I couldn’t really join in with, so just listened. They also had a lot of personal jokes/banter between them. So I think it’s more that we’re different people vs anyone actually disliking me.

I do this without alcohol. I've also managed to convince myself that I have a 6th sense and I'm always right in my thoughts.

Utterly exhausting.

@MrsRickAstley i sort of feel the same aa you, at least it's not just me.

Me too.

OP, I also convince myself that everyone hates me. I do know a few people that genuinely don’t like me though as they’ve told other people and it’s got back to me.

I’ve never been told why, except a couple of ‘oh they’re just jealous because you’re pretty’ type excuses, which I think is just BS. Very few people don’t like someone because of their looks IMO, especially if they’re a generally kind and nice person.

I try and take and always take an interest in others lives, to be there for them if they need me, I love a good laugh and night out etc. Reading a comment above though, I guess I do moan a bit, but then when I think about getting together for a catch up with friends, everyone moans, we have a good laugh too, but generally there’s always something going on in each persons life that they’re not as happy with and so they have a moan, me included. Maybe I’ll try and ONLY be positive about everything in the future, but IMO that’s not how you should be with true friends, acquaintances yes but friends, no.

And yes, alcohol or ‘beer fear’ is definitely a thing OP. I really, really doubt everyone hates you, you wouldn’t have been invited if that was the case. Your colleague is a rude cow, you don’t sit with your back to someone completely ignoring them, height of rudeness. As for demanding a present….!

Ew what a cheeky so and so. I’d be alright with someone like this hating me. (I don’t think she does hate you by the way, she sounds completely self-involved). I hope you turn your back on her on Friday or say she doesn’t need a present cos you’re such good friends you’ll be seeing each other all the time anyway.

I used to have thoughts like this years ago. Definitely worse after alcohol. Not drinking at all or just limiting myself to just 1 ir 2 drinks (rather than 3+!) and CBT really helped too - that might be worth looking at?

You didn't want to go. You just wanted to go home. They could probably sense that. It doesn't mean they hate you.

Do you get on ok with them in work?

To be honest it’s a mixed bag! I’d be lying if I said I liked everyone who went, which is why I didn’t want to go. Most of my friends from work didn’t go. But generally people are fine with me at work.

I really think it is alcohol just making me over think! Today I haven’t given last night another thought.

Also it’s not specifically last night or work in general. I’d overthink things with friends/family too if alcohol is involved sometimes. I think there’s a sweet spot of being tipsy, then I’d either feel sick or anxious or hungover. Definitely considering not drinking.

Oh god so she’s invited me to lunch tomorrow (just her and I). I don’t intend to get her a card or gift, but she better not expect me to pay for her lunch!