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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to wonder where the hell the concept of sending party bags into school in year 2 has suddenly appeared

59 replies

Twiglett · 08/02/2008 16:01

and why they are full of total food-shit

I don't like it

I want them to stop

OP posts:
wildwoman · 08/02/2008 16:02

stop being grumpy

UnquietDad · 08/02/2008 16:05

DD's old school had a tradition of "bringing sweets in" on your birthday. Hated it. Glad her new school doesn't do it.

Twiglett · 08/02/2008 16:11

it's not grumpy .. it's stupid

ok if people send in a bag of sweets or lollypops or small cakes and they all get one each

but DS has started coming out with party bags crammed with crap I'm not particularly fond of him eating straight after school

it's stupid .. and unneccessary ... and causes other children in the house to be upset because they want to

people don't think about consequences

OP posts:
wildwoman · 08/02/2008 16:12

yes whole bags of crap are stupid and smell of competitive mum syndrome

ConnorTraceptive · 08/02/2008 16:14

One dumb arse mother who was too lazy to have a proper party sent them in and now everyone feels obliged to follow suit because they think "oh this must be the done thing these days"

ellceeell · 08/02/2008 16:15

Our school has banned party bags - children may bring in enough wrapped sweets for 1 each in their own class. Party bags started last year and caused so much misery.

lubyluby · 08/02/2008 16:17

wow whole party bags?? at the school my children go to it seems taking sweets in on your birthday is the norm as a gesture to those that were not invited to the party. this is usually somethign along the lines of a mini mars bar or milky way for each child.

probably wouldn;t tell them it was my childs birthdday if i ahd to take in 20 odd party bags as well as party bags for the actual party. that just reeks of competitivness (?spelling) and makes me wonder if you live in central london or if you have just read junior magazine that had the exact same dilemma in its the good life feature.

MaryAnnSingleton · 08/02/2008 16:24

I don't like the idea of party bags, but sweeties to hand out at the end of school is nice idea...mums at ds's old school sometimes used to bring birthday cake and candles in,which was a bit much.

MarmiteMe · 08/02/2008 16:39

No one takes anything at DD's school!
I must say, I'm glad, it saves a hell of a lot of hassle and so far, given that I can't afford parties, DD's birthday is just about her, no party etiquette to deal with.
Her present this year is a weekend away so I don't have to deal with any of this untill at least next year when she'll be 8

wildwoman · 08/02/2008 16:43

that's exactly the problem, competitive parenting has turned kids parties into a nihtmare for loads of families. Mine as a child used to be jelly and icecream and a bit of thought and effort put in by my parents. Sadly I have found myself caught up in it and recently spent £100 on a kids entertainer

idlingabout · 08/02/2008 17:13

Used to be a tradition of bringing in cakes or sweets for everyone in the class on a child's birthday. However, this was stopped last year after the parent of a child with severe dairy allergy made a fuss - basically her child couldn't have one so she didn't want anyone else to have one as it wouldn't be fair on her child. No parent wanted to take the risk of saying something was dairy-free just in case. So now we have a 'ban' on this sort of thing. There were some grumblings but basically most parents are relieved.

Nataz27 · 09/02/2008 09:32

LUBYLUBY - have you posted my nappies yet????

TooTicky · 09/02/2008 09:35

Party bags in school? Ridiculous!

lottiejenkins · 09/02/2008 09:48

I would be very unhappy if my son was given a party bag at school because he is intolerant to a lot of colours etc, there was another thread re party bags that i read the other day when some silly mother didnt send enough bags in and one mn's child was understandbly upset because he/she didnt get a bag! BAN THE BAG I SAY!!!

sox364 · 09/02/2008 09:50

response to;
connortaceptive....have you considered that this "One dumb arse mother who was too lazy to have a proper party" might possibly not be able to afford a party and was doing what she thought might be a nice way to acknowledge all the parents and children who had so kindly invited her child to their parties, and did not really consider the consequences.

Our school does not allow this to happen. They will allow healthy snacks and food only.

Have a word with the school and encourage them to take a stand. Most often the staff do not like the practice but feel obliged to give the stuff out, as this 'seems' to be what the majority want and also the kids are expecting it when they see the bags of goodies , and no teacher wants a riot.
Speak to a member of PTA if you cannot tackle the head and they can raise the issue.
In this day and age where we know good food and hydration can aid work, concentration and IQ, i'm sure all schools would take a stance if only they knew parents were bothered by the practice!
after all they only know what they see and unless told that the practice actually only keeps going out of peer pressure amongst the parents!!!.

My daUGHTER has many allergies so cannot partake anyway, and this would leave her out so from that single point of view it should be discouraged.

Already, we notice that my daughter is not invited to the parties as the parents see her many dietary needs as too much to take on.
A shame because she is just beginning to notice this and she shouldn't be treated differently at all.

singersgirl · 09/02/2008 09:51

I feel the same about Haribo/M&Ms etc. DS1 gets nosebleeds and coughs when he eats them, but he still wants them and some weeks there seems to be a birthday every day. Then you've got your other child moaning because they don't have sweets. Ugh.

Glad both boys are always holiday for their birthdays (August).

ALMummy · 09/02/2008 09:55

ConnorTraceptive - Am I a dumb arse mother who cant be bothered to have a party? I am a single parent, I live in a tiny flat and couldnt possibly cater for the 30 kids in DS's class so I took a cake and 2 lucky dip bags (no sweets), one for boys and one for girls into DS's school so he could have a party with his friends at school as I was unable to provide him with one any other way. I am sure there are quite a few others like that at DS's school as well. I cannot understand the massive deal about party bags. Kids love them dont they? and I am sure that is what matters not whether their parents are stressed out by it.

We are not all in a position to have parties at home or can afford to have them elsewhere so does that mean our kids should not have parties or party bags at school because of how stressed it makes all you other more fortunate Mummies?

sox364 · 09/02/2008 10:03

Almummy...i agree!, but there may be one or two children who couldn't have had the cake (allergies) and maybe another child whose mum cannot afford the lucky dip bags and so feels short changed when their birthday passes with less attention and no goodies to pass out??

Life is stressful enough without adding more totally unnesesary stuff like this!

Birthdays are really special for the child. I concentrate on the child and their presents and i try not to feel bad about my child attending a party without returning the 'favour' after all their child got a present out of it!

GrapefruitMoon · 09/02/2008 10:11

But if I didn't want/couldn't afford a party I would just have a couple of friends around to tea with a cake for afterwards. This is just another example of modern day thinking we have to do certain things (like having a holiday every year, expensive presents, etc).

I can only remember having a party once as a child (and it was at home and was of the jelly and ice cream variety).

It is not doing children any favours in the long run.

ALMummy · 09/02/2008 10:15

sox I checked the allergy thing before I asked to take the cake in and my lucky dip bags cost £8.00 to do for thirty kids. Luckily DS school do make a big thing of birthdays. Not a week goes past when I dont pick DS up with cake all over his face .

I do see your point but alot of the complaints in these threads have not mentioned the children but only the pressure that the Mums feel under and I think calling them Dumb arse mums who couldnt be bothered is a sweeping generalisation and very insulting and again sorry if I am selfish but I wanted my child to have a party of some kind and this was the only way I could do it for him. Of course you shouldnt feel bad for your child attending a party and not returning the 'favour' but what about your child wanting to have a party where he/she is the special one and the birthday boy/girl. Maybe they dont but mine did so I made it happen for him.

GrapefruitMoon · 09/02/2008 10:20

I think it's unreasonable to expect school to effectively host birthday parties - they are there to educate the children.

I would be very curious to know how good these schools are if they can fit a birthday party in with the demands of the curriculum

ALMummy · 09/02/2008 10:41

I dont expect it, I didnt ask, it is just something they do. Perhaps it is because we live in an inner city, deprived area and they know there is not much money flying about to host birthday parties so they are trying to make it easier for the parents. What a miserable attitude GrapefruitMoon.

Also teaching children how to have a party with the manners and socialising that involves, when they may not get much of a chance elsewhere could be quite educational I would think. Especially as DS school is very ethnically diverse and Mums sometimes bring in food and gifts relevant to their culture.

Dont really understand why it is not doing our children any favours in the long run. What does that mean? Its a kids party. What is it expected to achieve in the long run?

Personally I think the negativity on this thread is down to people not being able to be bothered. I can be bothered so I do but I dont run around moaning about those who cant or wont. Thats your choice. I do these things for my DS, because I know they will make him feel special and happy, not to make anyone else feel bad. I certainly would not feel the need to comment on a parents effort or lack of. Why does it wind everyone up so much?

sox364 · 09/02/2008 12:58

ALMummy, thats great you checked the allergy thing before taking in cake, wish you were at my kids school! you are amongst the few for that thoughtfulness i fear.
when i have invited ds friends home for tea, i give them exactly the same as i cook for my daughter to eat. This is not exteme, usually fairly bland meat and two veg. so far they have gone home pretty hungry and parents have moaned behind my back. My attitude is, if i could afford a party then i would bake the foods my daughter could eat as its her special day. it would take great effort and a lot of time plus alternative and replacement foods are very expensive. If no one liked it, shame, but i expect people to come to a party because they like my ds and want to share a celebration with her not because its free fun and food. if my daughter does get invited to a party, it hasn't happened yet (although there have been many invites to the class except her)or a parent approaches me to ask about it, i would offer to cook all my daughters special plateful so she can still join in. At our school the birthday take-ins were stopped because the one up-mans-ship got out of control and was the source of playground arguements amongst parents!! they also used the jamie oliver example of promoting healthy foods only and banned naughty items from lunch boxes and snack time. The school still sing happy birthday and the snack usually provided is given out after the singing, a special badge is awarded and child is made to feel special. in nursery and reception this is even accompanied by a small token present and card from the class (usually bubbles etc)and is not forgotten even when the birthday falls on a weekend or school holiday. They have a pretend velcro'd together cake that they sing to with pretend candles to blow out! they then carefully cut the velcro apart and 'eat' the cake.for the older children singing is done in assembly except when the child is very shy and may opt out.
I think thats far far nicer than giving out bags, sweets or similar.

2sugars · 09/02/2008 13:00

YANBU. Were these bags that had been sent in for the whole of the class? Outrageous. There must've been at least some in the class that the birthday person didn't actually LIKE.

Twiglett · 09/02/2008 13:06

"Personally I think the negativity on this thread is down to people not being able to be bothered."

oh really?

you mean I just can't be negative because I think it's a crap idea to send party bags into school?

there has to be an 'I'm too lazy to do anything" reason too does there?

wonders whether it's worth going into the farkin' 3 different outings / home-hosted events that DS' 7th birthday has managed to evolve into .. but then thinks fark it why be competitive?

OP posts: