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Original poster

Year 6 girls being awful to each other?

33 replies

Sunshineismyfriend · 15/02/2023 16:17

Is this a common theme? I know there are changes coming up but we’ve never really had friendship issues (bar the odd falling out ) all the way through primary until now.

We now have a friendship group that’s gone wrong with one girl (long term friend since about year 1) making up awful lies and trying to get them into trouble. Another friend that doesn’t like friendships developing with others and falls out with my child if she spends a break time with certain children. And a final friend who seems to enjoy a disagreement. All of this is new this year.

part of me wants secondary school to come along and bring new friendships but I wonder if all these arguments and falling out will get worse or better with age. She’s my oldest so I have no experience of this.

are all year 6 girls like this as the teacher tells me?

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 15/02/2023 16:19

They get ready for new friends, it’s not unusual.

BHRK · 15/02/2023 16:22

Same with our year 6 boys, I think it’s common

RiskyReels · 15/02/2023 16:23

Yes it is a tough year for them, getting ready to leave primary and go to secondary. Growing up, hormonal ups and downs, dramas between small group of girls who've been together too long at primary, sometimes SATS worries. Leaving primary felt like a wrench and the first months of secondary were a bit bumpy, but my DD is much happier and with a wider friend group now she's settled into y7.

HavfrueDenizKisi · 15/02/2023 16:23

Yes Yr 6 can be like this. And prepare yourself as Yr 7 isn't an easy year either. I've had two DDs go through this.

Just encourage your DD to stay neutral and not get involved.

cassgate · 15/02/2023 16:24

Yep. Completely normal. I am a year 6 TA and seem to spend most of my time dealing with friendship issues. Ime it normally starts towards the end of year 5. My Dd now 19 was the same when she was in year 6.

InsufficientMum · 15/02/2023 16:38

making up awful lies and trying to get them into trouble.
had that this week, not DD but she witnessed it.

Another friend that doesn’t like friendships developing with others and falls out with my child if she spends a break time with certain children.
Yep, had that before Christmas. Tears if DD spoke to another child at break time. Demanding to meet up after school (hanging at our door) when she discovered DD had met a friend out of school.

I think it must be pretty common. Agree with encouraging DD to stay on the sidelines. Tell a teacher or me if she feels she can't stand up to, e.g. child telling lies, at the time. Giving her suggestions of how to deal with child who doesn't want her to play with anyone else so she feels more confident in standing up for herself. Explaining how manipulative it is.

Oblomov23 · 15/02/2023 16:46

Oh come on. This happens in every year with girls. Talk to the teacher.

Panicmode1 · 15/02/2023 16:52

Yup, Y6 was awful (and Y8 and 9 weren't great in an all girls school either).....surely the school can help deal with this. At ours, there were endless 'circle time' conversations around friendships....

ureterr1blemuriel · 15/02/2023 16:56

It’s deffo a thing here. My DD (now year 6) has sailed through primary school up until now with no real fallings outs with friends. Suddenly this year there seems to be quite a bit of drama in her wider friendship group. Luckily she’s not to fussed and has made some new friends. They’re all going to different schools for year 7 and I’m quite pleased about that. I’ve put it down to the hormones kicking in.

BeeBB · 15/02/2023 17:05

Yes, buckle up! Half way though year 6 came as a complete shock and we couldn’t wait for DD to leave primary and these toxic girls and friendships behind. The start of year 7 was largely fine but then the low level bullying got really bad and even worse than year 6 until almost the end of year 8!!

Some girls will do absolutely anything to be seen to be popular (egged on by their parents who seem absolutely oblivious in our experience and peers) whereas other girls just aren’t ready for this nastiness, game playing, backstabbing and manipulation that goes on and has to be endured in the ongoing popularity contests.

My DS had a far easier ride navigating these years compared to poor DD.

PrincessScarlett · 15/02/2023 17:08

Sorry OP but this is just the start. Normal for year 6. Years 7 and 8 are proving to be even worse.

spanieleyes · 15/02/2023 17:10

Our year 6s move on to around half a dozen different secondary schools, they begin to split into tribal groups once they know where they are heading! Becomes a nightmare.

EducatingArti · 15/02/2023 17:11

Yes, this is normal. It usually starts in year 5 and peaks in year 8/9. By the time year 10 starts they are usually much better.
I think it is hormonal personally!

RedToothBrush · 15/02/2023 17:12

One of my friends is a yr6 teacher and says its common.

I've just come back from a meeting with DS's head (yr3). She was saying how issues over fallings out are normal / common / expected in yr6 (and not yr3 like we are currently having).

Its basically when hormones start to kick in and they all go nuts.

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/02/2023 17:21

Yes, normal. Dd actually didn’t have a too bad time in year 6 but I know some of the other girls did. It worse for her in year 7, lockdown 1 and continued with a couple of friends into year 8. She changed schools in year 9, which was the best thing for her not just academically but socially. Her new friendships are a lot more stable, possibly because dd has found friends more like her albeit she is still friends with a couple of friends from when she was little.

Jimboscott0115 · 15/02/2023 17:22

I found that basically from year 6 to about year 10/11 OP, this is pretty much how it works. Boys in my experience are slightly less complicated relationship wise but are arseholes in general and girls have incredibly complex, difficult relationships with each other that just blows your mind sometimes.

Wombatbum · 15/02/2023 17:23

Yes it’s horrible! Happens in secondary school too, my daughter is year 11 now. My son is year 10 and never had any issues (touch wood!)

Zola1 · 15/02/2023 17:24

Year 6 and 7 were a nightmare for this, year 8 isn't that much better she's just getting more resilient to it 😐

Original poster
Sunshineismyfriend · 15/02/2023 17:27

Oh does sound like I need to buckle up then! Was hoping it was just a year 6 thing. 🤣. Our secondary school is just across from the primary so everyone tends to go to the same secondary. I’m hoping they’ll all be split up into different forms and that will help.

we’ve literally not had a problem until year 6! She’s avoiding friend 1 and 3 and is happy to do so but friend 2 is proving complicated. My DD loves the friendship but likes to be with others sometimes too. Trouble is this friend then gets the rest of the group to ignore my DD as she ‘has new friends now’ which then makes my DD upset that she feels she has to pick.

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 15/02/2023 17:29

Totally normal. 2 kids through primary so far and the last 2 years are drama laden with certain kids. Luckily my dc are pretty oblivious. Mobile phones made things 10x worse in those years with chats

Overthebloodymoon · 15/02/2023 17:30

IME this generally happens in years 3/4 but this year’s year 6 missed a lot of this kind of development due to Covid. All the friendship quibbles they would have worked their way through then are rearing their ugly heads now. I also think there’s a huge difference between the older year 6s who are already 11.5, have started puberty, have periods and so on and the youngest year 6s who still play with dolls etc. Theres a big divide and it can lead to fall outs as there’s just such a difference in attitudes and maturity levels.

PrincessScarlett · 15/02/2023 17:30

Oh definitely mobile phones and social media make everything worse. There is no escape. They come home from school and the arguing continues on their phones.

Hankunamatata · 15/02/2023 17:32

Also encourage kids to have friendship group who don't go to their school. It like a safe place and way less drama

Original poster
Sunshineismyfriend · 15/02/2023 17:36

Hankunamatata · 15/02/2023 17:32

Also encourage kids to have friendship group who don't go to their school. It like a safe place and way less drama

This would be great but doesn’t really happen. The clubs she goes to all have someone from her school at and she sticks with them. I don’t think she would join a new club by herself to make new friends as doesn’t have the confidence.

OP posts:
Iam4eels · 15/02/2023 17:37

There tends to be a big friendship shift in year 6 as they start outgrowing their previous friends and then again in year 9 when they start finding their tribe.

Encouraging your DD to stay neutral is a good strategy alongside not reacting to anything that comes to her second or third hand like "you'll never guess what so-and-so called you..."

Speak to the teacher if it's bothering her as they can do some reminders around how you don't have to be friends but you do have to be a community.

Does she do any groups or activities outside of school? If you're able to then try encourage her to develop some friendships outside of school too and away from the dramas via youth club, guides, theatres groups, etc.

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