list of jobs for DH

[urrrgh46]

AIBU that i have said no to a list of jobs for Dh to do each day. I've asked him to do a bit more - cover my back and just have a look round a room and do something. eg top of cabinet is dusty so he will dust it whilst maybe watching Tv or our youngest child (dd2). He's in the shower and notices door is dirty so take a cloth to it whilst he's there - that's the sort of help i'm asking for. For ref he works from home, i'm a sahp. We home educate and have a total household of 10. live rurally with animals and pets. Currently he feeds the dogs, empty's the dishwasher once a day and maybe wipes the kitchen surfaces. i do everything else. Adult kids and kids muck in with animals, dishwasher, cooking, their own rooms. Be gentle please - if i'm and BU just say so and don't lay in. i'm peri and have also developed a heart condition due to stress.

If he is willing to step up and try to help more to sort the things that you notice more, I think its reasonable that you give him an overall list of the things you would like him to look out for. Then he can refer to it to jog his memory etc. i dont think its reasonable for him to ask for a daily list of jobs. My DH and I will make joint jobs lists for special projects (diy etc) and special events (parties, Christmas etc) and I am often the one adding more of the detail. I think in a marriage each partner should contribute from their strengths and help things more forward, yours might be more of the detail and his might be more in a different area

I had to reluctantly do a list for my DP which includes chores just for him to do every week. It does take some pressure off me but I still get annoyed that he doesn't 'see' things exactly like your examples. If he's watching TV with DD he's just doing that, it wouldn't occur to him to look round to see what needs doing. I also find with a list that if he doesn't do all of it I can refer back to the list and remind him that he asked me what he could do to lighten my load and I told him, so could he please just get on with it. It's depressing but has had a positive affect.

Sweeping statement coming but from my experience most men just don’t ‘see’ things as women do.
My DH and I are v different and ‘see’ different things that need doing around the house - used to drive me crackers but I now accept it. He definitely does his bit but differently to how I’d do it. I’ve developed my own inner peace now with this very fact! If he’s asked for a list, then I think that’s great! Give him a list - he wants to do his bit. Maybe it’s the whole Venus & Mars thing? A slight shift in your own mindset to understand this may help you I think? I hope you can sort a compromise that eases your mind along with your workload.