What does it feel like before you have a ' breakdown ' ?

[maychk]

Can anyone explain what it feels like ? I'm worried I'm heading that way.

I'm close to the edge constantly. I am so upset and angry. Any small thing will set me off. I keep accidentally hurting myself ( like shutting my finger in a drawer, stumping my toe, dropping stuff on my foot, walking really hard into a door handle ) just really really dumb stuff that really hurts. It gives me absolute rage.

Or when I can't find the sudocreme right where I left it and have to do squats holding the baby whilst picking stuff off the floor. Or when my toddler just adds to my workload by making a completely unnecessary mess that I allowed her to make because it stopped her screaming and having a tantrum. My baby is clamouring my legs all day long when I'm trying to cook and clean bottles. I go to bed at 8 pm because every night I'm being sleep tortured. Tonight is a bad night. I've been kept awake since around 9:30 pm by a baby that just won't sleep. Anyway, I just can't take it anymore. I want to break a window, I want to scream and throw stuff around and I am afraid I might. I don't want to hurt anyone, I just want to destroy some stuff to get my rage out. Maybe someone will finally listen and help me. Maybe my husband won't just tell me to stop whingeing.

Am I having a breakdown ? Does a breakdown mean you get a break ?

Oh that all sounds really rough.

You sound incredibly stressed. The irritability and rage is a sign of that.

Speak to your GP. See if you can get some counselling. Are your kids in day care? Could you organise some daycare?

Yeah I'd say you've got the signs of a breakdown looming. For some, your mind sort of splinters a bit. For others they may detach from reality. For others it becomes chronic stress which can lead to illnesses. It really depends.

Stress is dangerous. You need to really talk to your DH and you need some outside help. Call your HV, or your GP. Look at counselling. Ask family to help.

But you need to address it in some way.

I’m not sure what it feels like just before a breakdown but I think you need to ask for help.
Visit your gp and tell what you just said there. There is support out there and you’re not alone, many new Mums feel like this. You’re exhausted, hormones are probably out of sync. You may have signs of post natal depression or anxiety.
Do you have anyone who can give you a break for even an hour each day?
please mind yourself and seek some help and support.

Your situation right now sounds incredibly stressful. When my sons were babies there were times when I had to lock myself in the loo to keep myself together and not snapping and hurting myself or them (I cannot believe I am admitting this). You need to speak to a doctor (medical or psychiatric) and get some assistance. Take care of yourself.

Do you get regular breaks away from your children? Like a half day every weekend or an hour to soak in the bath every now and then?

It's a horrible time but it sounds like your hormones might be out of whack after having the baby - this is how menopause often starts. Speak to your doctor.

Is your husband doing his share of looking after his kids and house work?
Sounds a bit rich coming from him.

You really need to speak to a doctor. This is very similar to what I experienced, and it didn't end well.

Get some downtime ASAP, see a professional and speak to your husband.

When I had mine, I sort of started to detach from everyone. I really didn't care what anyone said or thought - I just wanted to go to bed and be left alone. It felt like I was in a box which just kept getting smaller.

This is how I felt with post natal depression. Talk to your GP. I had therapy which helped but just realising what it was helped enormously.

You need to go to the Dr. I really feel for you, I have been in that exact place and the sleep torture is just that. It will pass. But in the meantime, antidepressants will keep a lid on it x

For me I felt incredibly ill/anxious all the time. I had painful headaches like something was tightening around my head. I could not relax even when sat I would be tapping my fingers or moving my feet. I was barely sleeping and constantly felt exhausted. I was angry/ emotional all the time. I snacked but couldn't eat a meal. My voice in my head was constantly telling me I was useless and not good enough. I started having panic attacks.

My breakdown lasted a few weeks where I couldn't get out of bed, I felt suicidal, I was completely terrified. I tried anti depressants but didn't like the way they made me feel. What helped was - CBT therapy, going off sick from work, walking, yoga, hypnotherapy (expensive but fantastic) It took about 18m before I started to really feel myself again.

My recommendation would be to take action now, read up on ways to fight stress/anxiety/depression and start to do the work now. It's a lot harder once you have hit the bottom.

Yes, for me it felt a lot like that.

Please make sure your family, friends and doctor know how you are feeling right now. Don’t wait until it gets worse.

💐

I hope you managed some sleep and today is a better day.

Looking back the early years were really tough. It used to be acknowledged and I was told if right on the edge , in the moment, better just to put the baby down safely and get a little distance, (another room, bottom of garden)
Get your breathe back
And then call your GP or health visitor for help.
Generations of women have reached this point, you are not alone and I felt better just for voicing it in real life.
Then with a bit of space - a ten minute walk by myself, ten minutes knowing someone else was responsible for the kids, I clawed my sanity back.

You have described perfectly how I was feeling in the run up to being diagnosed with pnd. Total overwhelm, exhaustion, I couldn't think straight, kept bumping and tripping, I felt so clumsy, and just furious with rage every time I caught a finger or bumped my head etc. And I felt so guilty too, ds needed me and I couldn't do it.

It came to a head one afternoon when I couldn't get ds to settle, dh said something completely innocuous, and I dumped ds in his arms and fled the room. Dh booked me a Dr's appointment there and then, and gently made me go.

I described everything to my very forthright little Scottish lady gp, who listened, and quite briskly said 'right, sounds like you need to be on something to help you out'. She prescribed sertraline, and it did help. But as a pp mentioned, knowing what it was helped almost as much. Dh knowing what it was (he had his suspicions anyway) and working with me to help me through it also helped. And with time, I got better. So please see your doctor, and be blunt with your dh. He needs to step up, or he's going to make things worse.

Just to make clear, I didn't cure myself in ten minutes, it was a whole succession of little breaks plus talking. I became very familiar with a walk around the park by myself.
I honestly can't remember if I was prescribed something. My health visitor was amazing.

My DD has now got a uni offer, I'm still married, we have money in the bank but I was you once on Mumsnet just starting to reach out.

Could this be PND? I feel for you. My Health Visitor was amazing, I spoke to her and she helped me with doctor, support etc.

I think I was heading towards a small breakdown last year perhaps, I just felt like I was going to go pop!

I hope you get the help you need but it sounds like you might have to shout for it. Good luck and take care x

Have you tried CBD oil drops? You can get it on Amazon, different flavours. I am taking them for anxiety - orange blossom and chamomile. They seem to improve one' s mood. People with vertigo sometimes take this too as vertigo can be linked to anxiety.

Maybe my husband won't just tell me to stop whingeing

how much of the load does he take? Has he stepped up so you could have an uninterrupted night of sleep, or get out of the house and go for a run/swim or anything.

it does sound like you’re near the end of your tether and it is definitely worth seeing a doctor about it, but your DH also needs to step up.

For me sleep is key. Sleep deprivation exacerbates feelings of stress and ability to cope it used as is a form of torture. Can you DH help you with this so you get some good rest and sleep?

Apologies for typos not awake yet

Oh I really feel for you, @maychk

having a baby and toddler was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I did get anti depressants and they did help. As others have said, 100% go to the GP.

i also recommend contacting Homestart - they are a charity who send volunteers out to families who need a bit of support/a friendly non judgemental ear. I volunteer for them and think it can be really helpful just to have someone to listen who understands. Sending lots of

Speak to your GP as soon as you can. You need some support and they’ll help you.

I was told that they don’t call it a “ breakdown “ as such now, more of a mental health “ crisis”.

Clearly none of it is pleasant and I experience what my GP calls a mental health crisis ( I think more of a breakdown to be honest) on a worryingly frequent basis. GP told me
this is what it is and I have support. Mine is due to a mental illness that is pretty severe and which is an exhausting daily battle -except recently it has completely consumed me and made me feel very very unwell and with little fight left.

OP, take a break. Let someone else take over and have some rest for yourself. Speak to your GP and take things from there. Good luck to you.

Talk to your health visitor TODAY. They can help get you treatment and support. You have to take responsibility and make changes, for the sake of your children.

It may be PND, which can feel like you’re in a hole with no way out, but it will get better. With a child under 2 you will be fast tracked for mental health support (CBT, therapy etc).

You could also be ND and it’s only manifesting so severely now the mental load in your life has upped dramatically. It’s very common with women who are diagnosed later in life as our coping mechanisms go out the window at this point as we can’t use them.

I was Dx as a teen but my symptoms got far worse after I had my second child, at which point I asked for medications (settled best on Elvanse) and I was given a low dose of Quetiapine (Psych prescribed) as I was quite literally a walking ball of rage/insomnia/over stimulated by a screamer no sleeper Velcro baby.

I have thought about whether I could have adhd or something. I find it difficult to keep on top of stuff and stick to routines for any length of time. I feel like I'm just not consistently good at keeping things together in the house etc. I have a couple of degrees but I was a terrible student ! Everything was always cramming and last minute. I hate to admit it, but even at work, I procrastinate endlessly and only get down to doing stuff when deadlines are really looming. I try hard to change it and it lasts a little while, until I go back to my old ways.

I never had problems at school though, I always managed stuff and even at university and work, I function fine on the outside. I've admitted it to people before, that I'm a massive last minute person / procrastinator and they're always really shocked.

Who knows.

Anyway my husband is useless and no support. My mother is coming to help me in a few days.