Did things feel different with your parents when you had kids?

[Todaywasnodifferenttoanyother]

If you have a child/children, did things change with your parents at all?
I adore my parents, but I’ve felt differently since I had my Dd, 4.
Pre Dd, I used to worry about them a lot and they were definitely a more central part of my life.
I still worry, but I feel like it’s different now, is it just that I don’t have the emotional energy anymore as it’s all taken up with Dd?
I feel somewhat guilty about it and a bit sad that the relationship has changed

I think mine did change. I think the relationship changed because I then had my children to prioritise and I prioritise them over my parents if there is a conflict of needs. Also being a parent made me reflect on my relationship with my parents and some of the behaviour they have.

I do think your comment about “emotional energy” might be valid. Obviously as parents we give a lot to our children. That can be both emotionally and physically tiring. If your parents are needy of support then I wouldn’t be surprised if you feel less able to deal with that.

I don’t think you should feel guilty at all. I think it’s natural to focus on your own children above other relationships while they are small.

Yes, it's completely normal for your DC to become your focus and other relationships to change slightly to allow for this.

I found I had a lot more sympathy and understanding for them and their actions as parents. They were not perfect parents (though not neglectful or abusive) and I had resented them a bit for that. But once I’d had my own DC, I understood that they’d done their best and made some mistakes, as I’m sure I will.

Slight opposite for me. All my kids have the best bond with my parents, especially DD3 with her granda. They have the most heart warming bond I never knew was possible.
I now worry more for them as they get older because I know the impact it will have on not only me but on the kids.
It makes me sad to think they won't always be here to see the kids grow up.

Yes, because despite being willing to sacrifice my own happiness for my mum I won't sacrifice my dd so have stepped back hugely.

Oh this^ very much this^

I think this is something a lot of people with difficult relationship with their parents will relate to. Having children fully opened my eyes to my parents toxic behaviour and gave me strength to have boudaries.

Like PPs above, having children changed my relationship with my parents to the point that I went NC. It made me realise how toxic they were when I was a child and that toxicity ramped after my first was born, and went up even further after my second. I had put up with so much control and emotional abuse and no way was I going to be expose my children to that.

Yes it changed. They are a lot better at being Grand parents than parents.

I find my relationship with everyone outside of my wife changed. I spend that much mental energy thinking about the kids that sadly I don't have much time for anyone else.

Obviously they are, they don't have the day to day responsibility, just the pleasure!

Yes, but for slightly different reasons than you give.

I was always really close to my mum and she used to say she couldn't wait to be a grandma. When I was pregnant I called them to tell them and the first thing they said was ' You aren't ready. Don't expect us to look after it' (I was 32 btw).
As a result I lost some respect for them and we aren't as close now. They see DD but not often and are not close to her. For all my mum was excited about having a GC, the truth is she and my dad just want to be left alone most of the time.
I do appreciate how hard being a parent is now I am one. I think back to my own childhood, my mum had no family around her. My parents found it really tough and the reality of being a hands-on grandparents was not for them. I have come to the conclusion they are actually quite negative people. I still love them, but I can't deny I wish things were different.

Yes. As I've really tried to give my own kids love, support and understanding, I've realised how little of that was in my childhood. Far less tolerant of my parents now.

Yes hugely.
Having my ds changed how I feel about my parents thinking back to my childhood and how they parented me. They weren't horrific or abusive, however I cant imagine treating my ds how I was treated a lot of the time.
I also don't prioritise them in the same way I used to, if there is a conflict of interests my ds always comes first which I think upsets my mum sometimes but it's just the way it is.