To ask if having DC changed you as a person and if so how?

[Plumbfairy]

Just that really. I’m 29 and have very little experience of babies/children. I’ve always thought that whilst I’d love children, I probably don’t have the best personality type for motherhood. I’m highly strung, a worrier, a bit selfish and generally enjoy doing what I want to do when I want to do it. Numerous family members and older friends with DC dismiss this and say “that’ll all change when you have children”. So I wonder, is that really true, how did having kids change you? Surely a child can’t change the person you are?!

It completely changed me. Hugely.

It made me unselfish, more patient and more understanding of compromise. I also stopped paying so much attention to my looks and things like that. I got more joy from him than I did from things that were for me.

Negative ..

I worry constantly, I was exhausted for 3 years, they're expensive as anything and I had to get used to my needs always coming second and that's a huge adjustment, it definitely changes you massively

Ds is 12 now and I'm me again but with this amazing person in my life ❤️

Yes, pretty much overnight. Made me completely reassess a lot of things, mainly my job. I had a complete turnaround career wise and suddenly valued my time much more than before as every hour spent working was an hour being away from my baby so it HAD to be financially worth the compromise - it was the best thing to ever happen to my career and I became a lot more assertive in business.

I also softened (a bit! Not hugely!) with regards to family - family who in the past I'd had tense relations with, I kind of "let bygones be bygones" with and I also had a mutual respect for the mums in my family, be they cousins or aunties etc. I guess common experience?

I'd say personality wise I'm quite similar - maybe a bit more strident but then again maybe that's just a "getting older" thing 😂 but I'm definitely not more patient. If anything I'm more impatient!!

Rebel Wilson, 1 week into parenthood, yesterday said:

"Just because you become a mother doesn’t mean that you lose your identity as a person. It doesn’t mean you can’t go out with friends or you can’t go on holiday. It doesn’t mean you can’t have a career,"

SMH. While not directly untrue, shows a profound lack of appreciation of the magnitude of change becoming a parent leads to.

(The rest of the article was relating to misogyny. I actually think seeing similar behaviour from non-birthing surrogate recipients to fathers is not a surprising link).