AIBU for wanting to go low contact?

[LowContactLiving]

Trying not to say too much. Never know who is reading these.

AIBU for wanting to go low contact?

I had quite the traumatic childhood with my mentally ill parents. A lot of verbal and emotional abuse. Now I was no angel, but as I’m getting older, I’m realizing that that’s no excuse for the torrent of abuse I’d receive almost daily. Insults, declarations of “I hate you”, “I regret having you”, told I was useless, incapable, etc - these were all quite normal in my house.

I spent a lot of time alone too as both parents worked and I’m an only child. I also spent a lot of time hearing about their problems (family secrets I was too young to cope with, arguments they’d had, their sex life). I’ve realised now that both parents have often used me in place of therapy, or have looked at me as someone to parent them on occasions.

Now that I’m in my early 20s, I’m constantly looking for houses (can’t rent, a mortgage right now is actually cheaper). I pay my own bills, do my own washing/cleaning, and basically live as their roommate they sometimes hate, or sometimes love, depending on the day. I keep out of their way as much as possible as I save almost every penny.

I’ve expressed my intention to move out asap as I’m getting older but am always met with guilt tripping. “It’s because of us isn’t it?” “No, it’s because I’m in my 20s.” “After everything we do for you.” and so on, so forth.

For a long time, this guilt kept me from emotionally detaching, and the worry of what they’d say about me behind my back made me physically ill. They both have a habit of telling extended family that I’m an awful person for whatever reason they’ve chosen today. Friends and neighbors too.

Another thing that’s kept me hanging on is the fact that I have no one else. I’m single, no friends, and have severely low self esteem and trust issues. This has made me refrain from connecting with people outside of my parents. If I cut them off, even minimally, I’d be even more alone than I already am

But maybe it’s better to be alone than like this?

So would I be unreasonable to want to go low contact as soon as I move out?

Not unreasonable at all.
go low contact, move out, make space/time/effort for more positive relationships.

I think it’ll be the making of you. Much better than continuing in the current cycle.

I also think with people like your parent, you won’t truly get any freedom from them until you have space away and very strict boudaries. I don’t think you can develop while still living with them.

You know you aren't BU. Do it. You might be surprised how good your life can be after this.

Thanks for the reassurance. I think I know I need to do this asap, but needed a little handhold.

All I keep thinking is how I don’t want my future children - if I'm lucky enough to have some - exposed to these patterns, so why am I subjecting myself any longer?

Am a bit worried for the inevitable “you put us through a, b, c”, “after everything we’ve done” “you’re selfish/ungrateful” but I suppose I’ll just have to take that as it comes.

Now if only house prices would fall so I’d have an actual chance 🙈