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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Post pandemic relationship reboot but differently

5 replies

DuckSurpriseFace · 14/02/2023 06:25

Before covid we were comfortably co parenting as friends our romantic start having turned to friendship while looking after our elderly parents years before. We lived separately in the same town, no conflict, fairly stable lives.

The pandemic turned our whole extended family upside down with bereavement, other loss and serious illness. I ended up in one UK country with our child he in another hundreds of miles away. Last year we were finally reaching a comfortable 'new normal ' all somewhat battered by our experiences in the last few years. We visited in school holidays and were both figuring out new working patterns.

Unexpectedly a serious crisis in our extended family brought the three of us together in one household, all away from our usual homes, work and school for several weeks. We were a good team in an appalling situation.

Before going back to his usual life he came to stay with us for a week to support our child going back to school, (we thought it might be a tough transition but in fact went amazingly well).

It's the first time we've ever really lived as a 'nuclear family' and after all we've been through in the last few years it felt like coming home.

AIBU to start a new relationship with my dear, old friend and father of my lovely child?

He'd have to totally uproot his city life and move to our village. He seems willing to do this.

When I was quite young I had a happy marriage, to someone else. It ended unhappily due to infertility stresses and I thought I'd never live that way again but here I am, after years of feminist independence, wishing for a happy ending.

We're about to return to 'normal ' hundreds of miles apart. Time to think and get organised and try to work out if it was all a dream.

So AIBU?

MN, I'd marry him.

OP posts:
AnnoyedFromSlough · 14/02/2023 06:37

This is not the thread I thought it would be from the title.

It is very early days - and living together can really be make or break. But you should like you know each other very well, and for a long time. You have co-parented successfully in difficult circumstances. Honestly, if any relationship stages a chance of success, it very much sounds like yours does.

I hope you have very many happy years together.

DuckSurpriseFace · 14/02/2023 06:38

Thank you 💐

OP posts:
Blessedwithsunshine · 14/02/2023 07:12

Of course give it a shot! What do you have to lose at this point?
You can be happily married AND a feminist you know. You can care and support women’s rights and still love and celebrate the very decent men in your life.
As long as you don’t insist on being Cinderella as marriage is more about compromise and who puts the bins out as much as it is about intimacy, connection and belonging.

VanillaSox · 14/02/2023 07:21

You are both amazing people to have co-parented a happy secure child through all that!
Marry him.

DuckSurpriseFace · 14/02/2023 10:55

Thank you, it's such a change but feels like the right moment, the right person and the right way to be the best imperfect parents we can be.

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