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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask wtf happened

45 replies

Ultrasoundwoes · 14/02/2023 04:31

I recently had my third baby. Since the 20 week scan they told me she was severely growth restricted, on the 1st percentile, could have a genetic condition. I had scans every 2 weeks. My hospital is a major teaching hospital where other high risk patients get referred, and they have their own small baby clinic with highly detailed scans etc.

I was induced due to this and refused pain relief in labour and had to be continuously monitored because baby was too small to be able to cope.

Then she comes out...7lbs?? Perfectly fine?

AIBU to ask how this happened - that they consistently measured her so small when she wasn't? I have older children and this never happened before. They told me to prepare for a C section and early induction and got it totally wrong.

Who can I talk to from the hospital?

OP posts:
Itisbetter · 14/02/2023 04:37

I think you can ask for a debrief from the hospital. Ask your midwife.

ChrisPPancake · 14/02/2023 04:48

I had the opposite, was told dc would be large. He was 7lb 11. He was hale and hearty so I didn't think about it any more than "how did they get that wrong then?!".
If you're dwelling on it and it's bothering you as pp said you can ask for a debrief.

Daisymae55 · 14/02/2023 05:00

I was warned my baby was huge, she came out 7lb 3.

They get things wrong all the time, I’d definitely ask for a debrief from the hospital. Don’t put it off either, my one regret is not getting a debrief myself (not re her wait, various other factors. I was just too in shock/post natal anxiety to do it). If you’re unsure who to talk to to get a debrief call your midwife for some advice but definitely do it.

EcoCustard · 14/02/2023 05:05

I had Dc3 who I was monitored with fortnightly as siblings were SGA. All was fine right up to the end when at 38 weeks she measured closer to 32 weeks. Scans at 32, 34, 36 & 38 weeks were all fine apparently albeit she was smaller. On an appointment with a midwife due to an error in not picking up GD at 28 weeks she was concerned about bump size, then heart rate on her Doppler she and sent me for an immediate scan. Discovered baby hadn’t really gained weight and cord was failing. An awful experience as they scared me half to death before inducing which resulted in an awful labour, a severe health implication for me and dc3 being quite unwell in the early weeks. I didn’t ask questions until Dc4’s induction and I was hesitant and labelled awkward by a consultant. I was shocked to find there were lots of mistakes and protocols not followed. Ask for answers.

Dontsparethehorses · 14/02/2023 05:10

I think I would just be overwhelmingly grateful that baby was ok that I would ask the question but if no obvious answer I would let it go… my 2nd was prem and I’m just so happy she’s here and healthy now 6 years later even though I don’t / won’t ever know why it happened

user1492757084 · 14/02/2023 05:21

They do their best and bone lengths and skull sizes can't always predict fat coverage etc. Ask your midwife, doctor or child welfare nurse how best to obtain an explanation. Thank goodness your child is healthy and beauifully robust! You must be so relieved.

autienotnaughty · 14/02/2023 05:22

Whilst it must have been very stressful for you and changed what should have been a lovely experience to a worrying one. It's fantastic that your baby is fine and that nothing was missed. I'd ask to speak to whoever was your main contact at hospital for more information.

Original poster
Ultrasoundwoes · 14/02/2023 05:28

Thanks. I'll ask for a debrief. Honestly it was so traumatic, being asked about TFMR, told it was 'likely' she would survive birth, warned about 1-in-a-million conditions. My whole pregnancy was not exciting or calm, it was just worrying and stressful. And then being pressured into early induction, told I would need a C section, no pain relief etc. and being strapped onto the bed and forced to lie on my back in transition to get a better reading on the monitor - so painful and panicky.

On top of that they had two growth charts for baby, one to chart her growth and one to chart her in relation to the population, but they only told me there was one, and at each appointment they would quote different numbers off one chart or the other and tell me I must be confused when I said I was given different numbers the last time. For example someone told me she was on the 10th percentile and then the foetal medicine consultant said she never had been and had always been on the 1st, and I must have misunderstood. It was only at my 38 week midwife appointment that she mentioned it to me, and when I brought it to the doctor she just casually acknowledged it like it was my fault I hadn't known earlier.

Obviously I'm so happy my beautiful baby is perfect and healthy but I find this really poor conduct from the hospital. Especially such a major hospital with such a good reputation.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ultrasoundwoes · 14/02/2023 05:29

Also the arm/leg/head measurements were way off too not just weight

OP posts:
maryberryslayers · 14/02/2023 05:41

That sounds so difficult @Ultrasoundwoes, it must have caused such worry for you in what should have been an exciting time.
Yes your baby is healthy, but that doesn't take away from the fear and pain of a traumatic pregnancy and birth.
If it would help there's a Facebook group called Birth Trauma Association: Parent Support Group where you'll get lots of listening ears and support.

Aussiegirl123456 · 14/02/2023 05:42

That’s awful. Imagine if a woman terminated a perfectly healthy pregnancy.

If it were just one scan then you could pass it off as bad images on the day or whatever but constant scans?

FWIW all of my children were the opposite of what I was told I’d be expecting size/weight wise. The two larger babies I was told were going to be tiny (eg told 5lbs and they were 8lbs) and the two small babies who were 6lbs, I was told they’d be huge 9lb+ers. BUT I was never told any shocking news like you were so I can’t imagine how you must have felt your entire pregnancy. Just thank heavens you have a perfect perfect little one. For me, it’s feel like a huge relief and a ‘second chance’ (not worded correctly). But I completely understand where you’re coming from and you’re definitely correct to be asking questions.

Oh and congratulations

smileladiesplease · 14/02/2023 13:41

What an awful experience for you op I would be angry and traumatised too. Who wouldn't?

I think deffo a de brief but there seems to be a consistency here of poor treatment snd diagnosis. I would insist on a debrief snd then see how satisfied you are.

FourAndTwentyBlackbirdsBakedInAPie · 14/02/2023 13:49

I had a similar sort of situation with ds, I was told he would be tiny, they looked at genetic conditions, appointments every 2 weeks, it was really horrendous.

He was 9lb 2oz.

They also told me there was absolutely nothing wrong with my dd, called me paranoid, the sonographer was so pissed off with me she threatened to get me sectioned, sadly I was proven all too right on that occasion.

Both times had a vague "sometimes we get things wrong" conversation with the hospital (the sonographer refused to attend at all with dd) and that was that.

I'm so sorry that you've been through this op, it's really not easy, and you feel like you've been robbed of months of bonding because you're scared to get too attached whilst pregnant. PALS would be a good place to start with looking for answers.

desperadodogface · 14/02/2023 13:53

Opposite here. Was told DD would be 8.5lbs. She came out under 6lbs with asymmetric IUGR. Can only imagine the ce tiles mean a couple of mms makes a big difference

Crunchymum · 14/02/2023 13:53

Ask the questions by all means but what is it you actually want?

As someone on the other end of this (undetected genetic condition with DC3) I hope you can make peace with the errors that occurred during your pregnancy and be thankful that your DC is healthy and happy.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 14/02/2023 13:59

Scans are renowned to be off +or- up to 35% or so. The day before DD was born she supposedly was a healthy 7lb despite being only at 35weeks. She came out just under 4lbs. To be honest I was just grateful she was with us and was ok

2crossedout1 · 14/02/2023 14:02

I think "poor conduct" is a bit harsh? These things are an inexact science - poor conduct sounds more like someone deliberately treating you badly rather than a genuine error.

SleepingStandingUp · 14/02/2023 14:05

I'd generally say walk it off, it's not an exact science etc (DS was overly monitored for being big. He came at 35 weeks 5lb 6 so not huge, and with a major CDH no scans had picked up) BUT the fact they were offering you an abortion because of baby's disabilities, I think you need to first ask for a debrief and then talk to PALS and then take it from there.

AnotherNameChangeYes · 14/02/2023 14:05

The opposite happened to a friend of mine, was told they would have a large baby, induced her, were all ready to perform a c-section. Gave birth to perfect 7lb something baby. I’ve heard several stories like this and wonder how they get it so wrong.

SleepingStandingUp · 14/02/2023 14:07

2crossedout1 · 14/02/2023 14:02

I think "poor conduct" is a bit harsh? These things are an inexact science - poor conduct sounds more like someone deliberately treating you badly rather than a genuine error.

But this wasn't a few inaccurate measurements. They were discussing terminating the pregnancy with OP. That's more than misreading a mm here or there on a scan

Setyoufree · 14/02/2023 14:08

I hear this all the time - either warnings that the baby is going to be huge or tiny, and everyone that I know that has had that happen to them has had a totally normal sized baby.

I'd definitely ask for a debrief and ask them what feedback loop they've got in place - are they collecting data on what size they expected and what size came out? If they're not, how will their accuracy ever improve?

NeverDropYourMooncup · 14/02/2023 14:15

I get the frustration.

I felt traumatised due to a botched section & anaesthesia aged 19 (ie, incision and separation without numbness, followed by infection, the wound opening up and multiple adhesions) when it was performed on the grounds that 'your baby is absolutely massive, easily ten pounds and you'll both die horribly in pools of blood if you go into labour' and she came out weighing 7lb and a bit, especially as the weight estimation was consistent with that perfectly normal weight on later scans, but the sonographer murmured 'that can't be right, what were the measurements last time?' looked them up and repeated the measurements, clicking considerably outside the skull to make sure they matched. And then they denied all of it.

Sometimes you just need to be listened to, to explain just how you were made to feel and what the consequences could have been from that.

ffsnotagainandagain · 14/02/2023 14:17

I had this with one of my DC. It was a horribly scary time. I was induced 3 weeks early. Told he had to come out as was not growing. was told he would be immediately be send to nicu. but he came out nearly 7lb and was fine. Friends told me to complain but we were just thankful he was healthy. Mistakes are made and although I understand the fear at least they were cautious.

OdeToBarney · 14/02/2023 14:18

My DD was measuring small at 28 weeks and dropped down centiles fairly rapidly. She was predicted 9th centile and 6lb 10oz or something, but was actually born on the 2nd centile at 5lb 8oz. It was an incredibly stressful third trimester on top of an incredibly stressful IVF pregnancy generally, so I completely understand OP. It's frightening that they could get it so wrong as to offer you a TFMR. I would ask for a debrief with the hospital. I'm thankful that my hospital were on the more accurate side, but also thankful I didn't go ahead with a section at 37 weeks and waited until 38+3 (with daily monitoring).

Loics · 14/02/2023 14:22

I was constantly told my second baby was going to be huge - had always planned on a hospital birth anyway, but was strongly advised against home birth and was consultant led instead of in the midwife led unit. Baby was only 9lb 8oz... All the time I was being warned of shoulder dsytocia and all sorts!

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