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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel like my 19 month-olds sleep will never improve?

3 replies

MintGreenLife · 13/02/2023 15:01

I guess I’m looking for success stories to give me hope…

My 19 month old isn’t a sleeper. From when the day he was born, it became apparent that sleep wasn’t his thing. But it is my thing! I love sleeping…and I think I’m struggling to come to terms with the fact that he may never sleep well. Over the last 1.5 years I’ve tried everything I can possibly think of to help him sleep, and I’m starting to think I need to just let go of it and accept he will never be a good sleeper.

Our current situation: I’m sleeping in his room on a mattress on the floor, and have been for 6 weeks. This is so that I can resettle him quickly in his cot when he wakes up, which much to my amazement, works most of the time. Before this, I was rocking him at every wakeup, but rocking stopped working and I couldn’t put him down again without him screaming. He’s never been up for cosleeping, so sleeping by his bed seems to be a good solution. Last night he woke about 7 times, and was up for 1.5hrs when I failed to resettle him when he woke. The previous night was similar. Both days he had a 1.5hr nap, a disrupted night, and then the next day he was happy, energetic, taking 20+ mins to fall asleep at nap time and bed time…so I’ve realised that even with only 8hrs of sleep over night, he’s not tired!

I know for a fact that he’s low sleep needs - when he’s sleeping well, the maximum he will sleep is 11hrs in a 24hr period.

Has anyone had a terrible sleeper, and things have turned around?! Do I stop letting him sleep so long in the day and hope that an increase in tiredness stops the night wakings? He and me are a bad match sleep-wise, as I am high sleep needs, and he appears very much to be low sleep needs. Help!

OP posts:
Bubbasmama2017 · 14/12/2023 13:44

This was a long time ago but I'm wondering did sleep improve?
I'm in a similar situation although less wakes but awake for a long time and a bit of a nightmare to put down some nights, rocking for up to 20 mins

NoCloudsAllowed · 14/12/2023 13:49

What have you tried to help?

The basic problem is that he thinks he needs you to be there for him to get himself back to sleep. He needs to get to the point where if he stirs in the night, he doesn't freak out because you're not right next to him. Probably this happens through sleep training of one variety or another. For example, sitting by the cot soothing him but not picking up, then moving a bit further and further.

Do you have a partner? It can be better for them to take over settling for sleep training. You need a method you commit to using for at least a week, it will be hard and you will be tempted to give up but if it works, you'll marvel that you ever thought sleeping on a mattress next to him was the best thing.

AuraBora · 14/12/2023 13:50

I'd be interested to hear too. S
ome very similar issues with 20 month old here. Fewer wake ups in our case but taking longer and longer to settle at bedtime...up to an hour sometimes.

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