Am I doing the right thing?

[Notthemindreader]

I’m handing in my notice at work tomorrow due to severe bullying while pregnant. They are making my life hell. I’m too unwell to fight for my rights as I know it will be hard to prove, particularly as HR are involved in the bullying.
We can live on savings until I begin receiving Maternity Allowance in 11 weeks. Due to the huge drop in income, as I will no longer be entitled to SMP if I quit, we will be entitled to claim Universal Credit for the duration of my maternity leave.
It took a lot of courage to decide what was best for myself and my family. I wanted to hold out until 29 weeks and begin SMP and maternity leave the right way. I just cant cope anymore as my mental health is shot to pieces. I know I could temporarily be signed off work due to stress, but again they will destroy me when I return and I will still only be entitled to Maternity Allowance.
I’m scared to be around them, I’m scared to be in a bad financial position and I’m scared to stand up for myself.
With my husbands support he is encouraging me to hand in my notice as that’s what I want, but many people are telling me to keep going for the financial side. My instinct tells me to quit, but I don’t want to regret making a bad choice. I just cannot report them and make a claim of discrimination as it will not get me anywhere except living in fear of their reactions.
Has anyone else done this and can reassure me I’m making the right choice to leave and put my mental health first?

Is there any chance you can work from home?

I would get signed off sick for as long as you need and hand your notice in 1 month before the end of maternity and take your holiday pay.

Unfortunately not

Thank you, would being off sick be more stressful as I’d have to keep in touch with them throughout? I also think I will struggle to get SSP through them as they would want to make things as difficult for me as possible.

When you’re off sick you are not obliged to keep in touch with your employer, the sick note from your GP tells them why you’re unfit for work and for how long the note covers. It is illegal for employers to hassle people who are off sick.

This is pretty much exactly what I was going to say.

Do what you can to preserve your income whilst having as little contact as possible.

When you do quit I’d also consider whether you can claim for constructive dismissal, which is basically getting bullied out of a job (among other things). You would need to see a lawyer though, I’d have thought.

What about going to the dr first thing and getting a sick note for work related stress. Then email your boss cc’ing their boss and hr explaining you want to start maternity leave at the earliest possible date. Explain as work related stress is causing you your problem, you only want to communicate via hr.

This way you might retain your Mat leave whilst also enabling you not to have to go back. Worth a try.

Good luck OP

ring the helpline for pregnant then screwed, an organisation that fights for maternity rights. They can give you free advice about how to proceed and what your rights are.

0161 2229879

Thank you all for your kind, helpful replies.
Is constructive dismissal possible for me as I haven’t been there for quite a year yet, I was under the impression you have to work for the company for 2+ years?
I have a record of all accounts of bullying, beginning the day I announced my pregnancy, but I don’t know if my word is enough to take action against 9 people who will give a different version.

Are you part of a union op? Could you join one? You should have much more protection while pregnant and a union could fight for this on your behalf and deal with hr on your behalf. You could also speak to the gp and ask to be signed off now until your maternity leave begins? Then just give the necessary notice that you won't be returning. Is the entire hr team involved in the bullying or certain members? If you went to someone above is there someone neutral that could deal with you as its not reasonable for an implicated party to be involved in a report of bullying it would need investigating by someone else? It just seems so unfair that you feel this is your only option but ultimately you need to do what's right for you and baby. They sound awful. Can you speak to your midwife for advice? I'm nearly sure there's an advice service for pregnant women that's designed for this type of issue- I'll try to find the name of it and will drop it in another post if I can get it.

How many weeks are you currently? Maternity allowance isn't much different to SMP tbh so if it were me :

If close to earliest start date for Mat leave (and subsequently SMP) I'd try to grin and bear it,l by using all of my remaining holiday allowance and getting signed off sick for WRS too.

Or if mat leave earliest start was a long while away, I'd give notice and get signed off for WRS for the duration of my notice period, survive off savings and then apply for MA when eligible.

If you're signed off sick, particularly for WRS (get your GP to make sure it says it on your sick note) they shouldn't badger you and should allow you to recover. You can go back to the GP and ask them to extend your sick note if needed, too.

Also check out Pregnant then Screwed

pregnantthenscrewed.com/help/

Check out oregnant & screwed, I've heard good things about the help given.

sick note from GP tomorrow, buy yourself some time!

coL bring what it is & maternity leave I wouldn't hand in your notice tomorrow or until you've spoken to P&S, your GP & Union, lawyer.

I know it's stressful, but okay the game, don't roll over!!

Just get signed off until you go off on maternity, but don't go back. That way they're paying your pension contributions, you get to claim your holiday pay when you hand in your notice at the end of your maternity leave.

My boss was awful when I was pregnant and i also had spd and a long commute. I was signed off from 5 months pregnant until 38 weeks, started maternity then handed my notice in and got all holidays paid including bank holidays.

Can I ask if you don't mind, has the bullying occurred because you're pregnant or was it happening before? I'm in a similar situation - been bullied terribly for years but been too scared to go on the sick because returning would be even worse, but now trying to weigh up whether I should put up with it or take the financial hit. I'm not pregnant though.

I'd look at maternity action and pregnant then screwed. Hopefully you can get some good advice there.

Agree that you could get signed off sick. I had to do this for similar reasons a few years ago. The Dr wrote something about it being pregnancy related because pregnancy is protected and they're not allowed to disclose that in references. It won't count towards 'sick days' as far as I understand. I hope you're OK. Sounds awful but will be over soon.

Def sign off sick with stress! And look at pregnant and screwed. If they sack you now, you'd have a case.

Pregnancy sick days don't count on your sickness record. But I'd want my employer to know if it was work related stress that caused my absence - then they'd have to show adaptations to accomodate for an (assumed) return to work and acknowledge it rather than 'oh it's your hormones' (e.g.).

I’m afraid I don’t know the answer to this - sorry if you mentioned re the length of time in your Op. But there could be something if you’ve suffered discrimination because you’re pregnant which is always illegal. So I’d still get some proper advice about it! Don’t go by me as I’m no expert.

I’m so sorry this is happening to you. It seems so unfair you’ll lose out financially so If you can get signed off until maternity leave then that would be better. Check you don’t get any enhanced pay you would have to return to ‘pay back’. Just SMP you don’t have to pay back when you don’t return to the job.

last year I was severely bullied in my job too from the moment I told them I was pregnant. I’d recently moved departments into the team (HR ironically) and they seemed to think I’d tricked them somehow.

the manager and deputy manager made my life hell throughout my pregnancy, then continued after my baby was born to communicate so rudely and cruelly and break all the rules they could around their responsibilities to me during maternity leave. In the end I tried to arrange to go back part time purely for financial reasons but they immediately rejected my part time request without any discussion and forced me to resign that same week. I AM NOW SO GLAD I DID. even though resigning meant all my SMP got paid in a lump sum so I got taxed, national insurance, student loans etc, taking a massive chunk of it, it meant that it was finally over.

the relief is overwhelming. I am still trying to contact them to get them to pay the pension payments they still owe me and even that communication is traumatic for me now. So it was the right thing to leave.

in hindsight yes I am angry I didn’t save up all the proof as I went along and bring a discrimination case against them. I’m still so angry. It will take a long time to process. But I am free!!!! And soon you will be too. Hang in there. You will soon be on the other side looking back at this huge injustice.

good luck with baby ❤️ Xxx

Thanks again everyone.
Unfortunately it’s everyone in my team, HR and the manager so there isn’t anyone I can turn to. I know they will all deny it and I don’t feel strong enough taking legal action. It began the day I announced my pregnancy to my manager (confidentially I might add although she told everyone) the nasty comments began instantly and it’s gradually got worse to intimidating behaviour and threats.
Are doctors usually happy to sign you off? I’m scared they’ll say no. I can’t get an appointment until tomorrow morning so I have called in sick for today.

My doctor signed me off no problem at all. You're pregnant and their behaviour is putting you under an immense amount of stress.

I don't think i agree with pp advice about getting signed off with work related stress though, as much as it would be nice to hold them accountable, i think pregnancy related is probably more to your benefit in the long run unless you were going to do something like take them to tribunal which is doesn't sound like you want to.

Thank you, yes I’d prefer pregnancy related as if I did have to return to work for whatever reason then they would really ramp up their behaviour if I’d said it was stress related to their actions. I don’t want them to know it’s got to me either.

It sounds like they'd ramp up their behaviour towards you either way though tbh, even if you were intending to return after mat leave or for KIT days or out in a flexible working request later down the line 🤷

Good luck with whatever you decided. I doubt you'll have any problems with the GP signing you off sick.