‘We don’t gel and haven’t for a long time’

[Feelsolowrightnow]

Dh has just messaged this to me during a text argument, I’m in bed with Dd, 4 whilst she sleeps, she’s been ill this week.
He also said he was looking at old photos with Dd and she saw a photo of him with his arm around me and said ‘Is that when you liked each other?’
He said it broke him and it’s no use, she sees it.

I feel so down right now and crying as I write this.

That's really sad that your 4 year old has picked up on it. Do you feel it?

Sorry to hear this OP. 💐Do you think that you want to save your marriage? Does he?

@enweto It doesn’t sound like he does, does it
Thank you 🙏

@Hydie Yes, but hurts for him to say it like that

How do you feel? Might it be the best thing for both of you? Sorry you feel so down. 🌹

Focus on figuring out what you really want. Splitting up wouldn't be easy but if you really explore the idea you might find out you'd be happier.

She's 4 and maybe didn't mean it like that. I could imagine my 5 year old saying that but meaning was it when we first met. It sounds like you need to talk. It's hard if your dd is ill but you need to carve out some time to talk and sending a text is cowardly if you are in the same house.

That's really sad, but your relationship doesn't sound great

OP - you and DH shouldn’t base things only on what your DD says - sometimes kids can get the wrong end of the stick. My 8 year old thinks me and DH always fight - we debate and have small disagreements but not big rows and he just doesn’t really see the whole picture.

If your relationship is rocky, you can try and work on it and get help. Sending you good wishes

Me and my partner are like this and my daughter pointed it out when she was younger. We are only together as he cannot afford to leave (we live in high cost of living area). I used to tell the kids we are friends but now I don’t broach it at all, feel nothing for him at all. Is there anything left you could save op? I tried really hard till I realised he wasn’t trying too then gave up as it was soul crushing.

@Abreezeitheglade What did your daughter say?
How is she now with things?

@Feelsolowrightnow they were talking about relationship in school and she asked whether I had a boyfriend and I told her dad was my boyfriend,she pointed out he spoke to people on the phone but never spoke to me. I was incredibly lonely (still am) and it was actually painful that he could speak to his sister for 3 hours but not say 3 words to me.
I’m completely numb to him now don’t feel anything at all. We’ll occasionally have sex and I just get out of the way as he is vile to the kids if I don’t.

The fact he has actually communicated this is a good sign surely. He might not know how to handle it but he has got it in the open and ready for you both to discuss and work on rather than just leaving or cheating. You are being too negative about his intentions when he hasn’t stated any. You need to get talking or to a counsellor

This is absolutely horrendous and you have to stop. You cannot have sex with a man to manage his behaviour to the children. There has to be a way to split up.