To be miserable on my birthday? ( after losing mum)

[astridpeth]

It's been 2 years since I lost my mum. January 2nd 2021. I obviously miss her like crazy and poignant dates are upsetting. Christmas day, was the day she stopped eating, she was living with me and I was her end of life carer so I always have a little cry then. The day she passed away of course. Her birthday 26th January, mothers day. But I just find the emotions I feel on my birthday eclipse all the other sad days. Its my birthday today and I've literally had a massive cry this morning, been close to tears all day and am just now finishing another cry. It bloody hurts. The rest of the year I'm OK,I still miss her of course but I can get by without any tears. Am I always going to feel this shitty on my birthday? I have a wonderful dh who just held me for an hour this morning while I sobbed my heart out and has just sent me for a hot bubble bath. He has made the most amazing looking cheesecake for me (my mum always did this). He has loved me really well today. My kids have been great. Unfortunately 2 are away at uni but they have called and sent gifts. But I still can't shake this deep deep sadness today. I will most probably wake up tomorrow and be fine again (from previous experience) but the pain I feel today is as fresh as when she first passed. Anyone else experience this?

I am sorry you are feeling so sad on your birthday.There will always be things that set you off whether dates or other things but it does get a bit easier as time passes. It sounds like you have a lovely family around you.

💐for you.

Op I know just how you feel. I don’t know when it will get better as it’s been 2 1/2 yrs since I lost my mum. Generally on a day to day basis I miss her but it’s doable but as you said my birthday was horrendously difficult. Partly made worse by my aunt having died on my birthday 14 yrs ago, but I’d sort of got ok with that. My dad, sister & dd all messaged me but for some reason none of them actually phoned me. It was the 1st time ever I didn’t speak to them on my birthday too. They’d bought me presents, was seeing me the next day but still…I kept thinking my mum would have. 😭
Fortunately my 2 ds’s & dh were with me. Hopefully next yr will be slightly easier for us both.
Happy birthday 💐

I know how you feel. My mum died in November, and this month was my birthday. I just wanted to stay in bed and cry. I hope it won't be like this for every birthday 💐

I'm 2 years into losing my Dad and my birthday hurts the most. I just feel I'm turning another year older that hes not here to see things I'm doing, share things with him, ask for his advice. The other days I manage to block out more, my birthday hurts x

www.empathy.com/dealing-with-grief-on-important-dates
is an interesting read OP - hope the link works for you.

Sorry for your loss.

In short, no, you probably won't always feel so sad on your birthday but you are still grieving the loss of your dear Mum - and we only ever get one of those.

The linked article suggests making new rituals around significant dates - or, ignoring them completely, while respecting and acknowledging your own feelings.
I find that method works for me though appreciate we're all very different - and it's easier for me to ignore things as I live alone since my DH's death.

Time doesn't heal but it does help in making the new way of living to become more familiar.
Celebrate your birthday tomorrow instead.
Best wishes to you.