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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think she has been a bad friend?

4 replies

StrongUsernameHere · 12/02/2023 17:09

I recently had a baby unexpectedly premature. Hours after it, my friend called me and, although in a painkiller/trauma haze, I picked up the phone thinking it might make me feel better. I said, ‘hello! I’m in hospital, I’ve just had the baby’ and she replied ‘oh no… I’m sorry… I don’t know what to say… sorry… ok I’ll leave you then bye’ and hung up. It made me feel much worse about the situation - no congratulations or anything. She texted me some days later, I replied, and after that heard nothing - no text/call/card sent, let alone a visit. She texted me weeks later apologising for lack of contact and, too hurt, I didn’t reply.

She is probably struggling with low level depression but nothing in particular has happened with her (she said “I don’t know what’s wrong with me” re her lack of contact). We are usually close and this has been the hardest time of my life.

AIBU to think she’s been a shitty friend?

OP posts:
Weallgottachangesometime · 12/02/2023 17:19

I’m sure she has her own issues going on and usually I’d say to be understanding. However her behaviour was awful and I think in Your shoes I’d be very unhappy with her. I could forgive the immediate odd reaction but she had time to compose herself and make contact.

hope you’re ok op.

TedMullins · 12/02/2023 17:25

She’s apologised though, it’s not like she hasn’t tried to build bridges. Her reaction on the phone was bad but sounded more out of shock and awkwardness than anything else. If you don’t reply then you don’t have a chance of patching things up. If you’re happy to ghost her and lose the friendship then fair enough, but equally you could just let her know how you’re feeling?

Felicity42 · 12/02/2023 17:26

Well you could have a conversation about it. That's the only way to see if there's a connection between you two worth saving. Texts don't tell you the whole story.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 12/02/2023 17:48

If I rang someone before their due date and they said they were in hospital having just had their baby, I'd think since it's premature, the parents will be busy/worried/in pain/trying to contact immediate family etc and I'd be making myself scarce too. Maybe she was worried there was something seriously wrong and didn't want you to feel compelled to tell her then and there.

But, she should have checked in later that day with just a 'no reply needed' type message wishing you all well. I'd be hurt and feel forgotten/not important

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