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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I being insecure

11 replies

Roselovera · 12/02/2023 09:33

I would like some perspective on how I feel, a year ago I saw my dh had sent an inappropriate comment on a message to a business associate it seemed like a joke but referred to a body part as 'perfect', the rest of the messages were normal about their kids, having a cold, birthday messages, I asked about the comment he said she told him she wanted a tattoo on this body part and had been advised not to as it was perfect an he said it was a joke referring to her life being in order and everything is prefect including the body part, I know about the friend it wasn't hidden as they have been friends for years, I just didn't know they messaged so often every few weeks or had this kind of banter, he doesn't hide his phone or act shady, he was very apologetic and made many attempts to make it up since I was upset about the comment. I let it go but then recently we both looking through his pictures found an old selfie from the friend, it was from a long time ago, not inappropriate just of them pouting with their dog, it brought up the old feelings, I asked why he kept it he said he didn't know it was there an to be fair he has thousands of pictures of friends and family, am I being unreasonable to feel insecure or would you wonder if there was more

OP posts:
Roselovera · 12/02/2023 09:45

To add he doesn't go away with work, has limited his contact with this person, works in a male environment where there is banter and I have never found any inappropriate messages before or had any reason to doubt him

OP posts:
Ortegaa · 12/02/2023 09:46

Hes got a friend, there's been normal messages, there's been a normal selfie.....seems OK to me!

drpet49 · 12/02/2023 09:47

In answer to your question, yes you are being insecure.

Ponoka7 · 12/02/2023 09:49

In this case she seems a genuine friend, so I wouldn't suspect anything untoward.

MelaniesFlowers · 12/02/2023 09:52

YABU and insecure. It’s not up to you to ask him why he’s kept old photos or question him on messages with his friends. You overreacted and he shouldn’t have pandered to it.

MissingNightshades · 12/02/2023 09:53

You're being insecure and paranoid. Are you anxious in other parts of your life and were you insecure in past relationships/friendships?
From what you've said he absolutely hasn't done anything wrong but it's horrible to feel like this.

Nimbostratus100 · 12/02/2023 09:54

sounds like a normal healthy friendship, to be honest, and the type more men should have and would benefit from. ( and more women)

BabyOnBoard90 · 12/02/2023 09:55

Very insecure I'm afraid YABU

meloonhead · 12/02/2023 09:58

Why can't you just name the body part? Is it really that outing? Is it arse?

Roselovera · 12/02/2023 10:01

Thank u for your replies I was kind of stuck in is there more or do I need to work on my insecurity, I really have always been fine with having friends it was the comment that threw me off and then doubts creep in as to me shes quite attractive, iv never met this person just my impression, he has said there is not attraction as things about their personality repulse him but they have a laugh, thank u for ur honesty I have some work to do

OP posts:
meloonhead · 12/02/2023 10:01

Reading your OP he was wrong before, but seems like he's done all the right things to make up. I wouldn't be bothered about a picture. He probably forgot he even had it but can understand it bringing up those designs

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