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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To use a comprehensive school?

57 replies

StatisticallyLow · 12/02/2023 08:19

I work in a private school. It is very stressful (I only did a short spell in state whilst training, so can't easily compare).

My ds is due to move to secondary this September. There is a very good teacher discount at my school for fees (50%). However I am considering sending him to our local (rated 'good' Ofsted) comprehensive, which we are certain to get a place at in March. His friends are going to many schools, so no obvious choice there.

I think people are a bit surprised by this, especially due to my job. However I am hoping that as a bright and studious child he will be just fine? I know the private school may get better results, but it is academically selective so that skews the results. I may not stay in my job forever, but I could afford the fees as DH happy to pay. I think the assumption of friends/colleagues was that he'd go to the private school.

To note - he is in state primary.

OP posts:
JanglyBeads · 12/02/2023 08:23

You don't really explain why you're making the choice?

GoldenGorilla · 12/02/2023 08:25

I mean….send him wherever you want? Not sure what you’re asking tbh.

PuttingDownRoots · 12/02/2023 08:26

Most children go to comprehensive schools.
Some are better than others.
Some state schools are better than private schools
No one can comment without knowing the schools.

mnahmnah · 12/02/2023 08:28

My ‘good’ state school gets better results than the local private school. We have the complete spectrum of students from very affluent to disadvantaged. Students experience all walks of life. I would always choose this for my DC.

Also, should he go to your school and you change jobs, he would then move schools I presume?

Original poster
StatisticallyLow · 12/02/2023 08:28

Sorry, the assumption of colleagues and friends is that I'd use the private school. I dont see any great benefits though, as I think the better GCSE results are due to it being a selective school.

OP posts:
GoldenGorilla · 12/02/2023 08:32

Well private schools aren’t just about the grades, but presumably you know exactly what this school offers as you work there.

So if you don’t think it’s worth it (even for half the fees) then that’s your choice.

Obviously people are going to be curious about your reasons though, you’ll need a stock answer about why you chose the comp that doesn’t suggest you think your school is bad or that the families who chose it are wasting their money.

georgarina · 12/02/2023 08:32

Mm in my experience private school gives better quality teaching and more individual support. If I had the resources I would do it for my child.

Changes17 · 12/02/2023 08:39

If you get the discount because you’re a teacher IME you can get a bit stuck in the job. (I went to a private school where my parent taught.) There’s definitely an argument for sending him somewhere else. If you like the state school then great.

Fairislefandango · 12/02/2023 08:41

Do not base your judgment of the state school on an Ofsted rating. It is virtually meaningless. I've been a teacher a loooong time and have worked in state (both selective and not) and private schools. My dc go to a state comprehensive rated good. It's not good, it's shit. I have worked in an 'outstanding' comprehensive and it was awful. I'm not saying that state schools can't be good - of course they can. But you won't actually know if it's actually good until your child has been there a while.

The only state school I've worked at which could even come close to comparing with the private schools in terms of behaviour, aspiration and effectiveness of teaching and learning is the girls' grammar school I currently work in. There are reasons why I didn't put my dc in for the 11+, but I bitterly regret that now, and ds will probably go to grammar school for 6th form.

Changes17 · 12/02/2023 08:42

And your answer for curious colleagues could just be that you wanted him to go to a different school from the one you work at. It’s not necessarily great when your parent is a teacher at your school.

tillyoumakeit · 12/02/2023 08:48

I mean of course you're not being unreasonable -even with a 50% discount I assume the cost isn't insignificant, plus all the extras which you might not get a discount on? Do you know any parents at the state comp? What do they say about the school? What was your impression when you visited for open evening?

I think @Changes17 response is perfect. Also you could say a good friend of his was going there too.

Changes17 · 12/02/2023 08:48

I think it’s very much a school by school judgement. Both my dc have been to schools that were requires improvement at various points (and both upgraded to good later on). They are both great schools. One is now at an outstanding school. I can’t really tell the difference (and it’s not why they are there).

Original poster
StatisticallyLow · 12/02/2023 08:50

Good points, perhaps if I worked in the state secondary I wouldn't want to send my dc there either!

OP posts:
Spendonsend · 12/02/2023 08:50

Not knowing either school, i think i would want to know how key stage 3 was delivered as I agree the GCSE years will be similar, but you might get more time on the broader curriculumn in your private school. more sports, art, music and drama, dt etc and the equipment might be better for this. Id also be interested what gcse combinations were allowed as my son goes to a small comp and he couldnt do a subject he wanted due to timetabling. I'd also be very keen to know who is teaching at the comp. Are maths and science taught by specialist or just who the school could get. My son has a huge number of cover lessons due to lack of staff so had most of english for a half term sat in the hall with a cover supervisor. but his maths teacher does have maths degree which is very lucky these days.

ittakes2 · 12/02/2023 08:54

You are a private school teacher and you know both schools - you would know better than most the difference between the two schools.
Its not just about the grades - its the GCSE options, its the pastoral care and whether he could maintain friendships easily outside of school due to distance.

FrancescaContini · 12/02/2023 08:56

Use?

Nimbostratus100 · 12/02/2023 09:00

The biggest single factor in school experience is who your child is sitting next to in class, and what friendship groups they make, this can go badly wrong in a great school, or go very well in a struggling school, so it is very hard to judge how well any child will do in any school.

If you think the comprehensive will suit your child, then go for it, it might well, and if everything goes badly wrong, you will have options to change, like everybody else does.

Nimbostratus100 · 12/02/2023 09:01

actually, no, the biggest single factor WHERE BEHAVIOUR IS CONTROLLED is who your child sits with, obviously behaviour culture in the school will trump that

Binfluencer · 12/02/2023 09:01

How entitled/stuck up are the kids at your school? That's the main worry with private, plus lack of diversity, poor prep for real life etc.

EyesOnThePies · 12/02/2023 09:04

I think the better GCSE results are due to it being a selective school.

Why would there be any doubt about that?

WiIson · 12/02/2023 09:04

I agree op. My daughter has thrived coming from a private primary to a comprehensive. I don't think she would have done any better in a private school. The competitive environment may have actually made things worse. And it's obviously a lot of money for something that's potentially no better and might even been worse. I am really pleased with my daughter's state school.

OntarioBagnet · 12/02/2023 09:05

I agree that I’d be more interested in behaviour management than results. Which sadly you’re unlikely to know until you get there. Dd went to a comprehensive, admittedly one with a poor reputation and the stories she told was horrifying. No kid no matter how studious is going to learn when the English teacher is sat crying at her desk all lesson because the kids won’t stop dancing. And then walks out never to return and they get 7 English teachers in a year.

EyesOnThePies · 12/02/2023 09:06

You are a teacher. You will be able to spit if your Dc is falling behind meeting their potential, and be able to do something about it.

EyesOnThePies · 12/02/2023 09:07

Spot not spit

Hoppinggreen · 12/02/2023 09:09

It’s entirely your choice, you should pick the school that suits you as a family best.
If you have access to a good State school then why not use it?
DS is at Private school and while the majority of teachers do send their DC there some don’t, including the Deputy Head.
if you decide that you feel your child WOULD be better at your school at any point revisit it then