Life-long dream of early retirement - now very nervous

[Cathyattie]

I had always planned to retire early at 50, and have been working toward this for many years, but now the opportunity has come 2 years ahead of time. Financially ok. Have had well paid stressful job for many years and always dreamed of having more time to relax and enjoy life. However I'm feeling panicked about leaving career. Have a part-time job already lined up. Not sure why the panic. Can't pinpoint it, think maybe just due to big change (perhaps now the dream is realized, what's left to aim for, or less income = less options in life??). My partner is older than me and already retired, so would like to enjoy our time together before too late. Anyone been in a similar situation and can advise/ share tips?

Retirement for me means not working. You say you have a part time job lined up ?
Just look upon it as a change of career , or a new opportunity , or direction.

Any change (even one you’ve planned and looked forward to) is stressful. Part of your brain is saying you would be better off sticking with what you know.

It sounds like an amazing opportunity. Make sure you give yourself permission to enjoy it. And don’t let your new part time job take over as your new career (unless you want it to!)
Do you have fun plans, hobbies etc lined up?

I'm in a slightly opposite position- have had to delay a bit because of the current economic situation.

I'd embrace it, acknowledging the big change and remembering it's not permanent if you don't want it to be.

There will be other possibilities if you find you want something else.

Taking time with your partner- if it's you that wants it- is really important.

A friend did similar and was irritated that her already retired DH had a nice retirement routine in place that wasn't what she wanted to join in with. That's one possible hitch to be aware of. Make sure your days off don't clash with his important golf games and volunteering!!

OP, don;t you think it's entirely natural to feel nervous and fearful of all big life changes? Doesn;t mean they are a bad idea or that you won;t thrive. Just that you are stepping into the unknown.

Would you feel better if you and your DP sat down and drew up a plan of things to do in that first year and booked them into the calendar or scheduled them, like work – anything from a major trip of a lifetime to digging a veggie garden. Set up projects for yourself. I bet you'll love it. I'm envious. I bumped into a friend who has recently retured the other day and I am starting to want this too, but will have to work right up to 65 at least.

Retirement (whether early or not) affects different people in different ways, perhaps for some it is no-longer having a sense of purpose?

I always intended retiring at 60 (didn't term this early at the time as back then the female SP was paid at 60) and I wanted to be young enough to enjoy life.
As it turns out I retired at 57 (with SP another 10-years away) and after a period of working out a structure to the day, am loving it.

I retired at 58 from a stressful job, best thing ever! DH retired 3 years before me because of another restructure in his workplace that made it more beneficial for him to leave. He has his interests, i have mine, we do stuff together sometimes and just being able to go out for lunch or a walk together whenever we fancy i is great. I did not realise how stressed by work i was until i left and everyone says i am much more laid back and happy these days. O big interest is travelling and its great to be able to go for a couple of months instead of cramming in a couple of weeks.

I think at 48 its not retirement. Its a lifestyle change or a career break. I imagine you have planned and thought this through (are you giving up anything that you value and won't easily be able to return to ; what is it that makes you you? What are you aiming for? Not being stressed or being happy are fuzzy goals - lots of retired people are stressed ; your husband wanting to enjoy retirement with you is his goal). Mid life is a funny time, easy to lose one's certainty or identity when hormones dip. And big life changes cause wobbles - keep your stabilisers on and have a good plan. Are you excited about the part time job? How will it help you develop as a person? What else do you hope to do? How are you going to act towards what you want?

Thanks for the insights! Good point about lifestyle change vs retirement. Hadn't thought about it that way and does make it feel like less of a big jump into the unknown.🙂

Perhaps look at your situation in a different way ?

Some of my colleagues sadly passed away far too soon, so they had no opportunity for early retirement

Some of my friends have no savings due to a variety of reasons, so they have no opportunity to retire early & will be working until state pension age

Some people have poor health as they get older

I would write a list of the things that you want to do when you start your new life & ensure that you actually do them.

Do you have a holiday or a weekend break planned, something to look forward to ?

I sympathise with the feeling of uncertainty. I am in a similar position, but I am relocating as well. I am waiting property to sell. I am keeping an eye on the job market.

Good luck !

My aim for the change is to be able to focus on other things instead of work taking up all my time and energy (long days, evening work, weekends, always on my mind even when away). It means I am often tired, bit grumpy, haven't been able to maintain friendships etc. I would love to do simple things that I used to enjoy doing and haven't done for years, like read books, swim regularly, gardening, spend time in nature, do some volunteering (some of these together with partner and some as own activities). We have lots of project ideas around the house and garden too, as well as lots of things on the list to see together!

ikigai
Purpose in life

Time for hobbies, new interests, travel, volunteering, PT work, chilling, exercise....

It's knowing what to do next. We've spent our whole adult lives working. I'm 61 and got my pension at 60. I'm currently working two days a week. Partly because the COL frightens me a bit, but largely because I haven't decided what I want to do next and don't really have a plan. In an ideal world there would be lots of travel but DH is still working, for another four or five years at least and also, we can't really afford it.
It also feels a bit like the beginning of the end in some ways. Most of my life is behind me now and the years keep speeding up. There are no longer endless possibilities. It's enough to mess with my head. A lot of what-ifs.

I am no where near retirement age but I have seen parents / in-laws starting to retire recently and it looks to not be necessarily ‘easy’. So I think being a bit nervous is probably a good thing as it shows your aware it’s a huge change.

One has really struggled with the loss of ‘standing’ for want of a better word. Going from the top of their field to what they see as ‘lesser’. They are so accomplished but think they don’t feel accomplished anymore. As in their previous work was not them and ‘previous self’. Not sure how they are making this disconnect but it seems an issue for them. Lack of identity or something.

I was going to say I think 50 is really young to retire but if you are so stressed out you have no time for friends, reading, doing hobbies or things you enjoy then that’s no way to live.

As you have a part time job I would just see it as winding down and regaining work life balance.

Maybe right a letter to yourself about how your so stressed and have no time so that if you do start idolising your previous role you can read it and remind yourself the grass was not green.

Goodluck ☺️ And congratulations 🥳

May I recommend this book “How to Retire Happy, Wild and Free”

www.wob.com/en-gb/books/ernie-j-zelinski/how-to-retire-happy-wild-and-free/9781580085786?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIla-Tv_-P_QIVF5ftCh2xfw9nEAQYASABEgJX_fD_BwE#GOR002072882

The main issue most people have is lack of purpose. It is a huge adjustment and most advice is around the financial, not the psychological aspects of retirement.

I thought I would probably work till I was 60, but got made redundant at 58. We always wanted a dog, but I always said we would get one when I gave up work, which is what we’ve done. DH also had to give up work at 62 due to health reasons 3 years ago, but is ok now. So we are both retired and are very much enjoying our time together with our dog. It helps that you get on with your partner.

Just wondering if you have had any further thoughts op?

I am in a similar position to you with very mixed feelings.

I think you just need to accept that it will take some time to get used to the change.

I retired 2 years ago (at 52). I hadn’t really planned it but my husband had health issues (he’d already stopped working) and I couldn’t continue in my stressful role and give him the support he needed.

I found it quite hard to begin with. I had a high level job and felt a bit like I’d lost my identity for a while (although I didn’t miss the stress). I also felt like a bit of a fraud saying I had retired when people asked me what I did for a living (particularly as I couldn’t really accept that I had actually retired).

Fast forward 2 years and I’m now one of those annoying people who say I don’t know how I found time to work! My husband and I have travelled all over the world and we both do voluntary work. I have slowed my days down a bit (e.g no longer have to get up at 5am so will have a cup of tea in bed before getting up at a leisurely pace after 8am).

I have time to exercise, read, visit friends and new places as well as indulging in my hobby of hill walking.

The best part is not trying to squeeze my leisure life into the weekends and can now do what I want at my leisure - normally go out in the weeks when it’s quieter than weekends.

So, just give yourself time to adjust and accept that you’ll soon settle into your new life but try not to over think it.

I found it quite hard to begin with. I had a high level job and felt a bit like I’d lost my identity for a while (although I didn’t miss the stress). I also felt like a bit of a fraud saying I had retired when people asked me what I did for a living (particularly as I couldn’t really accept that I had actually retired).

Similar age to you Sydney and health reasons (mine) have played a factor. I'm struggling to accept it too particularly as friends are working and I'm yet to develop a routine of sorts (have started but realise this is going to take some work - you have to make the effort to go to groups etc). What sorts of things are you doing volunteer wise? I would like to be like you...too busy to work but my health issues limits things a little and travel is off the cards for a while.

I got out at 56. Never regretted it for one single minute even though I had a very good job and to a great extent (not always...) enjoyed it.

I did a pre retirement course paid for by employer and that was very informative. The one thing I got from it was that "when you're gone, you're gone" and your status as senior manager or whatever will not be yours anymore. That can be tricky for some people, but I got the message and moved on to a different life.

It's great, but not all roses and travel and hobbies and time. Sometimes life gets in the way in the form of responsibilities to family, illness, and so on, but you do have the time to give to it.

One thing I found was that once I retired, I got nothing done and procrastination was my middle name! I thought I had all the time in the world to get the house painted or whatever, so I just said "manana will be fine". When I was working I got things done in double quick time because I had to. Time expands to fill the space you left.

But not having to get up at stupid o'clock and commute in the dark and come home in the dark and be constantly "on duty" are things I will never miss.

It will be fine, don't worry... look forward to it and make peace with the different way of life.

I was going to say everything @CordyLines has said already so much more eloquently. Think of yourself as being 'differently employed' rather than retired. Even though I don't do paid work I volunteer, garden, do Pilates and Yoga, read for Book Club, get full value out of my Netflix subscription, provide slave duties for my cat, keep the local pubs and restaurants in business and my passport's now getting a good workout again. My Dad always used to say he didn't know how he found time to go to work, but it's not that. Activities expand to fill the (so much more) time you have. Go for it!

@RiverRoadThisWay I realised actually it's not early retirement at this stage, just a downsizing of job - part time, less responsibility. Proper retirement will be in another few years! Having taken the jump, it's not been so difficult to adjust. Haven't missed the salary and job title. Having zero stress and lots more time totally makes up for that. I can now do all the things I enjoy doing in a really calm and peaceful way, whilst still keeping the mind active and feeling useful with a smaller job. Absolutely recommend it 🙂

For all those volunteering/part-time working...what sorts of things are you doing? I'm looking for a bit of inspiration. I've got an absorbing hobby and potentially a small hobby business but I am interested in voluntering/helping others. I don't really want something home-based...something with a bit of interaction.

I am a parish councillor, trustee of a charity, volunteer in a charity shop and work as an invigilator.