Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

Being called the party pooper

16 replies

rockymountains · 12/02/2023 01:28

Me & DH got into a fight and he basically accused me of being a party pooper but I don't think I'm in the wrong tbh.

To add contex...

I promised DD she could have a sleepover with her cousins in the living room by bringing mattress down etc and I fulfilled that promise and let her and her cousins run around and get all crazy all the hours before. It's 01:00 at night and I hear them making a lot of noise and running in the living room, just to add I have a baby under 1 sleeping not too far from there. DH goes in and fuels them with more sugar and can hear the noise but does nothing! At this stage, they have woken the baby up and I'm fuming so I go in and I have a go at them and tell them to stop for the 100th time and that it's 1 in the morning and people are sleeping.

My DH had the nerve to argue with me over it and say "are you happy now", " don't let her do a sleep over again then".

Now my the baby is full up and it's almost 2am and he's snoring away now letting me deal with it all.

Was I being out of line ?

OP posts:

shropshire11 · 12/02/2023 01:34

Yes, you are BU here. Unless you made the cut-off time for activity particularly clear to your DD, you should expect them to be going a bit crazy.

NumberTheory · 12/02/2023 01:34

I think it’s fine to let them go at it, I think it’s fine to expect them to settle down a bit and not disturb the rest of the house. But the adults in the house have to be on the same page before the sleepover starts to stop this sort of arguing and exasperation when you’re both tired and have different ideas of what’s been agreed to.

I think it’s hard to get some young kids to sleep on a sleepover, whether you give them sugar or not. But it’s just one night. Try and calm them down and get to sleep yourself as much as possible. If you can, get a nap tomorrow. Discuss it in a day or two when you are both better rested and neither of you feeling riled up over it.

euff · 12/02/2023 01:38

YANBU. You have spoken to them several times. They know there is a baby in the house. Your DH has contradicted this and sent mixed messages.

They need to feel they are having fun and have extra leeway in snacks and staying up but also have to be respectful. DD has only been to one sleepover; one particular girl was making a lot of noise and waking up the siblings and parents and not letting the others sleep when they eventually wanted. She was told that her parents would be called to collect her if she didn't cut it out.

2013isback · 12/02/2023 01:38

So, you have a baby and an older child and a husband who is not the parent of the baby?

Tell him to back off; of course you can regulate your older child's sleepover if it negatively impacts the younger one. Leaving your husband out of it, as he seems irrelevant - it may be too late for tonight but for any future sleepovers, can you agree with your older child about the level of noise, when you expect that she and her friends will be quiet, etc.? It's hard to say without knowing your older DD's age, but if she's old enough to have a sleepover she's old enough to respect household needs - BUT she may need you to spell them out for her.

Ihatethenewlook · 12/02/2023 01:39

Yes you are being out of line having a go at a bunch of excited children that you are responsible for. Your oh is encouraging them and going in and feeding them more shite. Then you’re going in and yelling at them. They probably don’t know what they’re meant to be doing. Get on the same page, and accept the fact that a mass sleepover is likely to result in little sleep for yourself. You don’t invite a bunch of kids for a sleepover and then kick off because you want an early night for the baby

Kate8990 · 12/02/2023 01:40

Kids do go crazy at sleepovers so I'd say in future say no or accept that they will probably will make noise amd stay up late.

TheBeesKnee · 12/02/2023 01:42

How old is DD?

Original poster

rockymountains · 12/02/2023 01:57

Just to add the other kids are my niece & nephew & DH is dad to both my kids & they are all under 9. We have had many sleep over & it's been chaotic but survived. My DD is not a child missing out of fun believe me but I expect them to try & listen also. I have tried to make the day as fun as possible for them, and haven't really ruined anything for them. However, they are in bed which means it's time to sleep so my husband shouldn't be going in and giving them the green light to start partying knowing it's very late and also there is a baby.

They are not getting mixed messages because I told them numerous times to keep the noise down and if you let kids run wild like that, they'll kind it's ok to just not listen. I told them nicely, you can have fun and talk and watch a film etc but there is no reason to be running around and making that much noise because it's very late and people are sleeping. I live in small apartment and noises can be heard for the family above.

OP posts:

EmmaDilemma5 · 12/02/2023 02:02

YANBU 1am is way too late, sleepover or not.

ChiefPearlClutcher · 12/02/2023 02:26

A sleepover basically means no sleep. Just leave them to it at some point they pass out. You were a bit of a party pooper!

LifeunderMarrs · 12/02/2023 02:26

In a nutshell NO YANBU!

WhereIsMumHiding3 · 12/02/2023 16:26

I have plenty of sleepovers but will go down if they are making excessive noise and say it's bedtime / time to quieten down at 1am.

We have neighbours , any adult party we have quietens down party about midnight. , having a sleepover is no excuse to wake neighbours (and the whole household. )

Mine are always good they quieten down in the early hours if I ask them. Or they know they won't get another sleepover!

It sounds like your DH was undermining you. DCs need boundaries and a bit of reminding that there are others including NDNs and a baby sleeping ...

Hope you got baby back to sleep . Sounds like this group isn't one to have back for a whole for a sleepover again. There's usually at least one child that was ring leader making the noise and ignoring your requests to quieten down. Was it your DD or another child?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 12/02/2023 16:41

Good Lord, I’m so surprised at these answers.

I never expected a sleepover to mean no sleep. I wouldn’t expect that if one of my children was the guest child either.

Puts me off the idea of letting DS (now 8) have sleepovers tbh. My Dd is 14 and her sleepovers never meant a sleepless night from when they started around 8/9. Of her own choice I might add!

Original poster

rockymountains · 12/02/2023 23:12

WhereIsMumHiding3 · 12/02/2023 16:26

I have plenty of sleepovers but will go down if they are making excessive noise and say it's bedtime / time to quieten down at 1am.

We have neighbours , any adult party we have quietens down party about midnight. , having a sleepover is no excuse to wake neighbours (and the whole household. )

Mine are always good they quieten down in the early hours if I ask them. Or they know they won't get another sleepover!

It sounds like your DH was undermining you. DCs need boundaries and a bit of reminding that there are others including NDNs and a baby sleeping ...

I've had them over before but they got a little over excited this time because I let them bunk in the living room and it's half term.

They can all equally be loud and although they are kids, they know there is a baby who regardless of a sleepover or not, is not fair to wake her up by making lots of noise + given it's very late. Tbh I was more mad at my DH for not getting them to quiet down but making me go in there like the grinch instead.

They had loads of hours before to scream, run around and snack till they drop but kids need boundaries and they also got to listen when being told.

Baby took over an hour to settle down but all was forgotten in the morning :)

OP posts:

TheYearOfSmallThings · 12/02/2023 23:16

Don't worry about it - every sleepover I went to, we got a bollocking for noise about 1am. Usually from a grumpy dad, but regardless - it's all part of the sleepover experience.

Original poster

rockymountains · 12/02/2023 23:17

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 12/02/2023 16:41

Good Lord, I’m so surprised at these answers.

I never expected a sleepover to mean no sleep. I wouldn’t expect that if one of my children was the guest child either.

Puts me off the idea of letting DS (now 8) have sleepovers tbh. My Dd is 14 and her sleepovers never meant a sleepless night from when they started around 8/9. Of her own choice I might add!

I think some of these posts were a little extreme lol. Sleepover does: should not mean no sleep.

OP posts:

Flip