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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Forever single or aibu

12 replies

Umwhatnow · 11/02/2023 19:29

NC because I've posted before.

Today marks five years of me being single. Really enjoyed being single until recently when I've been trying to meet someone. Tried Match, Bumble, Tinder etc. I get lots of likes and messages but it doesn't go anywhere for various reasons. Also tried widening my interests by going to different activities etc. Some nice guys at these but they're either attached or there's no interest. None of my friends know anyone that is single, there's no-one at work.

Should I resign myself to being single forever?

OP posts:
PacificallyRequested · 11/02/2023 19:33

What's the problem with being single? Confused

FiddleLeaf · 11/02/2023 19:39

There’s nothing wrong with being single if you’re happy to be so.

OP, I was single for 3 years and felt similarly. I started looking at having a child solo, the whole shebang! I was on & off the apps but honestly, I would always prefer to stay home than go on a date - never a good sign.

I decided to be very business like about it for one month and then go it alone if needs be. Any sexual innuendos or references… unmatch, no talk of meeting up after a few days of chatting… unmatch. Sounds harsh but I didn’t want a pen pal, I wanted a grown man and an equal or nothing at all.

Being cold about it worked a treat and didn’t demoralise me as it had before. I’ve been with my hinge match for 3 years now & we’re getting married.

I honestly never thought it would happen and had a lovely life single but my life is now wonderful with him.

BigFatLiar · 11/02/2023 19:46

Just make the most of what you have, maybe you'll meet someone maybe not.

Just enjoy being yourself and your own life.

TheNestedIf · 11/02/2023 19:57

PacificallyRequested · 11/02/2023 19:33

What's the problem with being single? Confused

Nothing wrong with being single, but it's like enjoying a nice latte and thinking that sometimes, a bit of chocolate dusting on top might be nice. Not essential, the latte is perfectly lovely as it is, but it's different, and maybe it'll add something. And you've still got the option of deciding the chocolate dust added nothing and you won't be doing that again.

Quent · 11/02/2023 20:07

To answer a PP, there's nothing wrong with being single but there's also nothing wrong with wanting a relationship.

OP, there's no need to resign yourself to anything, though you should only carry on with online dating/activities if they're things you want to do. I had been without a serious relationship longer than five years when my now DP turned up out of the blue at one of the regular events I'd been going to for years.

YorkshirePuddingsGreatestFan · 11/02/2023 20:14

I've been single for over eight years now. I've had men that I'm not attracted to ask me on dates which I've declined. I've met people I would like to date but they've turned me down. People keep saying it will happen when you least expect it but it does get weary keep hoping I'll meet someone.

surlycurly · 11/02/2023 20:19

I've been single on and off for nearly ten years. I've had some nice romances and one big love affair but I have really realised that I do rather like being alone. I'm not really very lonely at all. I miss sex, and affection but not much beyond that. I think the world dictates that we should be with someone in order to have succeeded in life but for me it's a bit the opposite. I'm not as true a version of myself when I'm compromising and curtailing what I want. So that's the trade off for being alone... I'm more me, but I'm also aware that I'm not ticking all of the boxes that I could. Because it's a rare man that could make me feel that he was worth it.

OnlyFannys · 11/02/2023 20:22

PacificallyRequested · 11/02/2023 19:33

What's the problem with being single? Confused

OP didnt say there was anything wrong with being single but she doesnt want to be single anymore. Nothing wrong with living on a boat but personally I do not want to live on one.

How old are you OP? I was single for 7 years before I met DP, I was on various dating apps for years before I found someone I wanted to be with, unfortunately it can take a long time but if you want to meet someone you may need to persist with it.

TheNestedIf · 11/02/2023 20:57

I'm going to suggest finding a live singles event to attend. It's a great time saver. You know you're all there for the same reason, unlike a pub or a hobby. Nobody gets a chance to lie about whether their picture accurately represents them, and any obvious bad hygiene or habits are often exposed there and then. If conversation is awkward, you can end the conversation and fiind another one. Obviously, it may take more than one event.

Johnisafckface · 12/02/2023 00:19

I’ve been single most of my life except for about 12 years (spread across a few relationships). After the breakup with my ex 8 years ago and at almost 52years old I’ve given up. I had hope that I would meet someone after the break up with my ex but I find I’m never attracted to men that are attracted to me and I’m past my prime so the pickings are slim. Trying to come to terms with being alone the next 20/30 years now 🤷🏾‍♀️

Moobae · 12/02/2023 02:51

So you’ll rather be in a relationship being cheated on because that is likely what you will get in this day. Be single and happy you aren’t stressed out

Summer2424 · 12/02/2023 03:47

Hi @Umwhatnow don't give up on the apps you will find someone xx

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