My grandma has dementia and I'm so sad

[FlatEgg]

Does anyone have any words of wisdom?

She brought me up. I spoke with her this evening and she didn't know who I was. I am not dealing with this very well :( she told me she wants to die.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I do know what it’s like - my Dm had dementia and I wasn’t prepared for this - one week her eyes would light up when she saw me coming - the next they were just blank.

After that I was just a ‘nice lady’ who made her cups of tea and brought her chocolate.*
I did learn to live with it, it does get easier, but can be very hard at first.
*It was worse for a dd who went on her own to visit her on her birthday, with flowers and chocolates - ‘Happy Birthday, Granny!’

A very grumpy, ‘I’m not your granny!’ was the response. 🙁

sorry to heart this! No personal experience myself but my work has sometimes brought me into contact with dementia and there are a few charities with helplines you might want to contact who can give advice and have forums for relatives!

www.alzheimers.org.uk/about-us/contact-us (Despite their names they deal with all types of dementia!)

dementiacarers.org.uk/contact/

My Dad died at Christmas. He was 89 and had vascular dementia. For the last 2 years of his life, he didn't know me as his daughter.

It hurt every time I saw him and hurts even more now he's gone.

OP, our loved ones who suffer this awful disease can't help it but it doesn't make it easier to bear as we watch them turn into a different person.

Thanks all. It's just hard because there are some flashes of who she is, and then she completely changes into someone else. It's heartbreaking.

People keep telling me to remember the good times and who she once was. But, she's still here and it's hard to separate the two.

That is so hard, my mum had dementia and doesn't really now who I am now or her grandchildren who are still kids. It's heartbreaking. For a long time I have been unable to look at photos/videos of her before dementia as its so hard but I started to feel like I was forgetting her so have started to, it's bitter sweet.
Such a fucking awful disease.
How much are you caring for her? You maybe entitled to a carers assessment. Also my family have found a lot of comfort/advise /friends at dementia cafes.

I'm so sorry :( I felt like that too, however, looking at old photos (especially ones you haven't seen for years) can spark nice memories. It's bittersweet.

Yabu.

So sorry you’re starting off on this journey. It’s awful.
my mam is currently end of life with Alzheimer’s. She hasn’t known me for a long time now.
we lose them twice 😢

You might like to dip into the elderly parents board, a lot of people there going through the same thing.

There is a dementia board, but it’s in an obscure corner and a lot less frequented

Dementia is the worst. My Nan had it. She never got to the point where she didn't know who we were but she forgot things about us. For example she asked me if I was courting yet, I was married and had a 18 month old at the time.
We lost her well before she passed away though, she was already in a home and had stopped eating so she wasted away before our eyes. I did my grieving whilst she was still alive, as bad as it sounds it was a relief when we had the call to say she had passed away.
OP I'm thinking of you, it is such a cruel disease.

I'm sorry @FlatEgg , Dementia is a vile disease, it steals someone's personality away a bit at a time. There's a MN board for dementia, if you post there you'll find people going through this too.