Should I say something about neighbours smoking weed in the garden?

[Chloelash]

The family next door to me smokes weed in their kitchen/garden several times a day. It’s annoying not being able to open my windows in summer or let my 5 year old play in the back garden, but I’ve felt really unreasonable saying anything because I know that they’re just minding their own business in their own home.

This will be the third summer of them living here though and I’m feeling really fed up with it now so considering saying something. Not sure if that would be out of order though and have no idea how to do it politely, or what they’re supposed to do instead? They have young kids in the house including a baby which is why they smoke it in the kitchen and garden instead of the living room or wherever.

AIBU, and if not what should I say to them?

YANBU but I would expect them not to take it very well and off the back of it you'll have nightmare neighbours who still smoke it. Is it an option to report anonymously to the police?

So .. we had some younger neighbours in the garden flat nextdoor a few years ago. They smoked weed. I just asked nicely if we could time it so I could be our with my toddler. They said no problem and switched to smoking later in the evening rather than mid afternoon.

This was during lockdown though, so no one had options for outside space to chill except our tiny gardens.

Maybe mention in a conversation that you worry about your child and appreciate why they smoke outside. Ask if they can keep to the far side of their garden. Make it positive as they do not smoke indoors.

Why can’t your DC play out? They’re not going to get stoned! And there is infinitely more risk from air pollution than a bit of weed.

Personally I hate the smell, so I get the nuisance factor, but there is not a safety risk.

Afaik if you’re able to smell weed (or cigarette smoke) then you’re likely to be inhaling the harmful substances. I’m happy to be corrected if anyone has a credible source that states otherwise of course.

I don't like the smell either but I wouldn't mention it myself. They aren't going to stop smoking it and there's no reason for you not to use your garden. Why create problems over such a tiny issue? My neighbours smoke it too, but I like them and consider them to be friends. It's not harming me and they are really great neighbours. We used to look after each others kids when they were younger, borrow stuff - even random things like bottles of wine and in one case a whole chicken so not the normal "cup of sugar". We still look out for each other and take in parcels, feed each others cats. Don't sweat the small stuff would be my advice.

@TiptoeThroughTheToadstools they’re a nice couple, they’re just really young and don’t always realise that things they’re doing are annoying to other neighbours so I wouldn’t want to cause them any trouble. If there was somewhere else for them to smoke it then I reckon they’d do that if asked, it’s just that there’s not really a lot of options unfortunately!

You can ask them to move to the end of the garden, or outside the front door. Don’t mention the weed, just say when you have windows open it draws smoke into your house, and would they mind relocating.

The concentration will be minute. If you have a gas hob, or if anyone in the neighbourhood has a wood burner, or if you are anywhere near a main road, your DC will be exposed to far, far more pollutants from that.

Yeah I considered trying to sort something like that out. Was it an awkward conversation or not too bad?

I’m disabled so my life is pretty much one constant lockdown haha, it would be great to be able to get outside and enjoy the sun some days.

They're smoking it in the kitchen though, presumably with the door/window open when the weather's bad. Realistically, they're probably not going to stop. The problem is that we live in such close proximity to others that there's lots of things that have the potential to be annoying. Noise, parking, cooking smells, pets, just daily life. Weed smells are probably quite low down on most peoples list of what constitutes anti social behaviour.

I don’t think they’d go to the front door in case they somehow got caught, but it would be convenient as they sit outside their front door all day smoking cigarettes anyway so I suppose I could ask!

Do you have a source for that? Everything I’ve found says that secondhand weed smoke is really dangerous to children

Where have you read that? It's outside. Maybe you live in a much nicer area than me, but since being quite young (which was a very very long time ago) I've smelled weed whilst out and about in parks, towns and even in shops when I could smell it on people. You have to be realistic, people smoke both weed and cigarettes. And cigars and pipes for that matter. You can't expect everyone around you to stop doing these things.

Do you worry so much about traffic pollution, plastics, pesticides in our food chain, the fact our water is full of chemicals, there's additives and shite in so many things we consume daily, we breathe in the shit from our cleaning materials. I could go on and on. You have to put things in perspective. Don't sweat the small stuff.

Everything I’ve found says that secondhand weed smoke is really dangerous to children

More dangerous than every day pollutants?
I get the smell is horrible to some people and of course you would not be unreasonable to at least tell them its bothering you but unless you move to an isolated place with no neighbours and dont take your child out in public, theres no way to keep her away from smoke.

You'll just have to live your life as best you can around it.
Police will not be interested in a nice couple smoking a few joints in their garden.

Or maybe just leave people alone and mind your own business?

Not awkward at all. I thought it would be. But I wasn't saying don't ever, just asking if they minded not for a short while whilst the little one played.

Where have you read that it isn’t? Every research paper I’ve come across online states how harmful long term secondhand cannabis smoke exposure is to children. Smelling stale weed on someone or walking past a group of smoking teenagers once in a blue moon is much different to sitting a few metres away from someone smoking an entire joint several times a day. If somebody lights a cigarette in public then we move well away from them.

I don’t think it’s a very good comparison, obviously I avoid environmental pollution wherever I can but the fact that there’s unavoidable toxins around doesn’t then mean that I should just actively expose a young child to a lungful of toxic smoke.

I don’t have any issue with people smoking weed, I just don’t want my DC breathing it in regularly in my own garden.

What’s not my own business about not being able to use my own garden in my own home?

Can you move?

I could of written this post myself. Our neighbour smokes in the back garden throughout the year. During the winter it's fine and doesn't effect us but come the warmer weather - our whole house stinks. The kids are playing in the garden and it's just a foul smell. Our windows are open and we can smell it in our house!! It's so annoying. I agree you should say something. I have and they apologise and then just keep doing it 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’ve been looking into it but it will be a real shame if I have to. My house is lovely and in a really nice area, I won’t find anything else as nice as this in my budget and DC gets really upset whenever I bring it up but it might be worth it to be able to have a usable back garden.

The neighbours have 4 kids (boys and girls) in a 2 bed house though so with any luck they might look at moving themselves.

Ok link one of these studies that demonstrate breathing in second hand smoke outside from your next-door neighbours is harmful. It should be easy for you to do if there's so many? I genuinely can't find one. I've looked in the last half hour, but granted, not spent as much time as you have.

I'm not trying to wind you up, I'm actually trying to wind you down. I've spent a lot of my earlier life on futile arguments that didn't improve my life at all. I fell out with one neighbour over noise and ended up moving over it. I fell out with another neighbour over parking that ended up escalating to a whole new level of ridiculous tit for tat. As I've got older I've realised that it's best to pick our battles. I'm genuinely trying to stop you wasting emotional energy on the shit I wasted it on.

The neighbour I fell out with over parking, I still live next door to. We're still not the best of friends, but I think it's fair to say we're both embarrassed over some of the stuff we ended up doing to each other and have at least the appearance of being friendly neighbours. Honestly, don't start battles with neighbours. You'll thank me for this advice one day I promise.

Yes this, and you can ask them to arrange themselves around your child’s playtime. They hopefully will.

I’m doubtful it’s concentrated enough to do any harm though, it’s not a closed space.

Why don’t you have a friendly chat and ask if there could be a timeframe when they don’t smoke outside so your child can go out. However, remember that they have the same rights to enjoy their garden as you and cigarette smoking isn’t illegal (and the police won’t do anything about small recreational use either) so you’ll be at the mercy of their goodwill. I’d hate it and would also look into moving but appreciate that’s just not always realistic (and you don’t know what your new neighbours will be like).