Choosing not to have relationships

[JoonT]

Young people seem far more cynical and wary about relationships than when I was a teen (in the 1990s). It's something I've noticed again and again, and I'm curious to hear other people's views on this. Maybe I've got it all wrong, but if it's true, why do you think it's the case?

It seems to be more common at all ages, actually. I'm not talking about incels btw, nor asexual people. And I'm not talking about people who've been cheated on, had too many destructive relationships, are concentrating on raising their kids, etc. I mean people who decide that relationships are not for them, full stop. I know several people like this. Off the top of my head I can think of a girl (a distant cousin, aged 38) who lives alone and has never had a relationship. For all I know she's a virgin (not that I want to know). Yet she's probably the happiest person I've ever met. She's got hundreds of friends, is always off to music festivals or art exhibits, etc. I also know a guy in his 40s who has never had a long-term relationship or lived with anyone. He's had a few casual, short-term flings, but now seems uninterested. Again, a very happy person – lives in a flat surrounded by books, and planning to do a PhD. It seems that we are gradually reaching a point at which "long-term single" is a lifestyle choice.

I suppose what really puzzles me is why the young seem more wary and reluctant. I'm not blaming them. On the whole, I think this change is for the better. The young also (according to statistics) drink less alcohol and have less sex. Plus, of course, they are having fewer babies (in Europe anyway). I wonder if there is a connection? Is it that life is generally more interesting today? Is there simply more to do? People travel more, have more interesting careers, more opportunities for education and re-training. Or is it that women will no longer put up with the crap their grandmothers put up with?

Honestly, my youngest isn't 20 yet but is already acutely aware how shit men can be. Rapes, porn, idiots like Andrew Tate, being harassed on night outs. The list goes on.

She's not letting the BS hamper her life but at the same time isn't in a hurry to find a boyfriend.

Three of my kids (20's) are the same. Plenty of pals but no relationships. They seem happy enough with full lives. I too have noted the less drinking & more fitness amongst young people. I've also always told them to ignore the men / women have life better stuff.. just do what's right for YOU - personal liberation!

There is a greater range of lifestyles visible and open to younger people, and some great role models for them. It used to be that you grew up, got married and had a couple of children, without really thinking about it. People - particularly women - who chose otherwise were generally treated as strange (or mocked as lesbians, whether they were or not.) That’s far less the case now, which is a really good thing.

I think many young people have observed their parents own unsatisfactory marriages and decided that these are not for them. Underpinning this is the fact that the moral climate has changed a lot and it is no longer the default to get married and have children “just because”.

The stigma that used to attach to people who were not in a couple has reduced significantly in the past few decades and people who in the past would have shoehorned themselves into relationships that didn’t fit them just so they could say they had a partner no longer feel this matters.

For women in particular I think they are less likely to depend on a man financially than 3-4 decades ago. For a woman who is financially independent a committed relationship may well be more trouble than it is worth nowadays.

I wholeheartedly approve this trend btw. I think the overwhelming majority of LTRs are not what they are cracked up to be.

Ugghh, no matter what you post, you can guarantee at least one nasty little reply.

If you've got something nasty to say, you can, you know, not bother...you know?