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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

SIL ahhh

47 replies

1982mommaof4 · 11/02/2023 00:59

Need to vent my SIL has always hated me, I have no idea why but it really gets to me... any tips on how to overcome feeling upset by this.

16 years with DH

OP posts:

3487642l · 11/02/2023 10:21

I don't understand why you socialise with her at all. She gives you one word answers?!! This is very aggressive behavior!

GiltEdges · 11/02/2023 10:36

You need to start calling her out on her behaviour in front of other people. Not in an overly aggressive or nasty way, but just in a sort of “I’m sure you didn’t meant to be so rude, but to answer your question…” and so on.

You also really need to develop some self worth. Who cares if asking your DH to speak to his brother about it is awkward/seems like you’re making a fuss over nothing, you deserve to be treated with respect and a basic level of courtesy.

declutteringmymind · 11/02/2023 10:38

I have the same SIL. bad mouths me, befriends my friends. I have totally grey rocked her. You can tell when she's been spreading lies about me. We tell her things about us that aren't true and it gets back to us. Eg thinking of buying a car or going somewhere in holiday.

Coxspurplepippin · 11/02/2023 10:44

Baffledcoconut's response is the best. Ignore her and don't be in her company as much as possible (but don't miss out on anything because of her) and when you have to be in her company, bright and breezy and if she is rude, practice a raised eyebrow and a jolly 'Really?' and don't engage further. Fake it 'til you make it.

As pp said, for some reason she's jealous of you - she's not worth your headspace.

Sleepless1096 · 11/02/2023 10:51

You need to set some boundaries and refuse to be in her company. Your husband can take the children to see their cousins and you can have some time 'off'. I don't understand why you feel you have to see her at all.

If anyone asks, just say 'I prefer not to spend time with people who treat me like shit, thank you very much'.

Notimeforaname · 11/02/2023 10:59

Don't greet her when she comes in/when you see her.

Don't even make eye contact.

If she says anything to you smile/laugh and walk away.

Do not say a single word to her.

MatildaTheCat · 11/02/2023 11:03

One of my SIL blows hot and cold with me. She’s been breathtakingly rude to me over the years, usually at times when she’s stressed.

It’s incredibly obvious to everyone and quite embarrassing in how totally lacking in awareness she can be. I turn the other cheek and am generally regarded well by the rest of the family for taking this approach.

When she’s not being completely psycho she can be really nice. At least you know where you stand!

Solidarity to you.

Rosesarered222 · 11/02/2023 11:04

Give her the exact same energy she gives you. I know it might be difficult as you come across as a nice person. I had a similar thing and chose to confront it head on- years later nothing much changed some people won’t like you in life when you’ve done absolutely nothing wrong

SameToo · 11/02/2023 11:43

Yep. My SIL (DH bro wife) doesn’t like me. I take it as a compliment because she’s such I twat I’d worry if people like that liked me 😂

She excludes my children from things though which is utterly pathetic.

Tistheseason17 · 11/02/2023 11:47

Menopants · 11/02/2023 10:08

Mouth ‘fuck you’ at her every opportunity you get when no one else is looking.

Don’t do this obviously but think about and have a giggle. You need to stop giving her the power to hurt you

This is hilarious 😂
I would combine it with being super sweet and smiley with everyone and secret single or double finger sign language "fuck you" whilst holding hands near face etc
But then, I'm older, and less tolerant of nasty people and menopausal and quite happy to laughingly say, "your so funny when you try and be mean to me" or "were you trying to make me laugh when you said that cause it really worked?"

Tistheseason17 · 11/02/2023 11:49

BTW- my DH says he'd never let this happen to me, so I think you have a DH problem, too.

Hbh17 · 11/02/2023 11:58

But why does it matter? I'm sure there are plenty of people who dislike me, but so what? We can't like everyone we meet & we just have to navigate that. Be polite & disengage.

Eyerollcentral · 11/02/2023 12:01

1982mommaof4 · 11/02/2023 09:58

@Eyerollcentral I thought this but she corrected me and said I'm not your SIL we have no blood connection 🫣

Why are you putting so much store by what a moron says??

Eyerollcentral · 11/02/2023 12:08

1982mommaof4 · 11/02/2023 10:03

He has asked, but then it makes a big issue and looks like I am causing the trouble. They will say do t be ridiculous SIL doesn't have time to dislike you 🫣

Show quote history

OP no offence but you sound very wet. Have you not come across someone in life who didn’t like you? You don’t need to know why tbh. That she dislikes you is enough, especially when you know you haven’t done anything. She is likely jealous if you are thinner or better looking or both or that you’ve a better job or house. Who cares. Anyway point is stop being a drip and going round asking why does SIL not like me. You’ve given her enough chances. Ignore her where you can and if she speaks to you in a derogatory tone ask loudly in front of everyone else Who the f do you think you are speaking to. You need to develop a bit of backbone.

Yogagrandmum · 11/02/2023 12:10

Menopants · 11/02/2023 10:08

Mouth ‘fuck you’ at her every opportunity you get when no one else is looking.

Don’t do this obviously but think about and have a giggle. You need to stop giving her the power to hurt you

Wonderful

Porkyporkchop · 11/02/2023 12:10

My sil and I don’t speak. I honestly had enough of her “all about me” ways and her blatant disregard for others so I text her why I am no longer speaking to her (she asked) and now I am NC. Some people are just horrible OP. Cut this woman out if she upsets you. Life is too short mate.

Porkyporkchop · 11/02/2023 12:19

If it helps OP I respond to any family new s about her with a sympathy smile and a “poor woman, I’ll pray for her” I find this can end any family interfering very quickly and I am not being the nasty one full of scorn.

Original poster

1982mommaof4 · 11/02/2023 15:54

Bunce1 · 11/02/2023 10:06

Laugh at her. When she is being rude. Laugh at her. Poke fun at her complete lack of social grace. Honestly she will be flummoxed.

She can’t hurt you when you’re laughing. I have a person in my social group and she is very brittle and disdainful. When she acts like that I just laugh at her and say “oh you’re so funny!” She doesn’t really know what to do about it, Bacchae she’s trying to be superior and nasty and I just won’t let it get to me.
She’s acting the fool- we laugh at fools

Love this 😂

OP posts:

Original poster

1982mommaof4 · 11/02/2023 15:54

Tittyfilarious81 · 11/02/2023 10:14

This might sound daft be who has been around the longest you or sister in law ?

Her about 4 years before me

OP posts:

Tittyfilarious81 · 11/02/2023 16:12

@1982mommaof4 then I think it's jealousy on her part ,it seems to me that she's trying to make sure she's seen as more important than you are within the family by making you feel crap . Take no notice of her op , don't spend any time with her you don't have to

dapsnotplimsolls · 11/02/2023 16:40

Time to employ the tinkly laugh.

picklemewalnuts · 11/02/2023 16:52

Technically she's your husband's SiL, but it really doesn't matter.

I agree with laughter. Also though, get DH to step up not in challenging it, but in sticking by you, bugging you up around them and being relentlessly encouraging. If he's overtly thrilled with you, it makes it much harder for her to get at you.

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