Expected to go into work during my holiday ? Would you ? AIBU?

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AIBU

I work in a nursery in London. As I am a qualified teacher ( like 2 others ) I am on half term next week. The other practitioners will not be off and be in at work . They are allocated 28 days holiday a year and take it when they choose .

I appreciate as a teacher I am lucky that I get all school holidays . It is clear that some of my colleagues begrudge the teachers time off - I understand to them it seems unfair .

Next week( half term ) we have been told there is a staff meeting , a parents evening and a stay and play event which we teachers are expected to attend .

I have 3 children on half term . How on earth am I meant to make these events ? Why on earth have management scheduled these events in during half term when they know 3 teachers are off?

We have a staff Facebook chat and certain members of staff ( not managers $ keep tagging the teachers ,
Asking - are you attending ?We need to know !
Can we expect your presence ?
Will you be coming ?
I believe they are doing this publicly to try and shame us into coming . Then also enjoying making rude comments if we say no.

When a teacher has said they can’t make it as they have a holiday booked other members mad extremely sarcastic comments questioning the teachers commitment.

I know one teacher has flatly refused to attend any events during the holidays and doesn’t care what people think of her not attending.
I feel torn . It is a toxic environment and I do feel I’m too scared to not attend as I know that many of the staff will be bitchy and make my life difficult if I don’t go . I also hate ignoring the chat messages . But I’m so angry at the same time.

I am tempted to speak to The Manager and say I feel confused as to why events are arranged for half term . Also , why are staff demanding on a group chat to know if we are attending. It feels like peer pressure / bully tactics .

Surely a holiday is a holiday ??

Without sounding rude it is a lot of junior members of staff who are the rudest . I am at my wits end with it . I have said I will go to one of the events as I felt my team would go mad if I didn’t . This is mid week and will eat up a day of my holiday and mean I have to send my children to day care . My husband is so cross I am going in during my holiday again.

AIBU?
I honestly am confused .

I’m annoyed I feel bullied by bitchy 22 year olds who have no children and are demanding to know about what I am doing ! The place is toxic and I feel the bullying environment should be addressed.

Seems an odd way to run a Nursery.
Surely if the owners / Manager believes it is important to have 3 teachers on the staff, it is presumably because they feel they add something that other staff haven't got (otherwise why would they pay so much more). If that is the case, then I can't understand why they don't have to stagger their holidays so 2, or at least 1 of them have be there all the time the children are there.
I can understand there being some resentment for colleagues being on such different T&C.
However whenever anyone is on AL, then they are on AL, and there should not be a request even, let alone any pressure to come in to work when you are on AL.

What is the work chat group ? Like a WhatsApp Group ? Is it used for work rotas etc? Or just social ? I'd be inclined to leave the WhatsApp group - it doesn't sound like it is a healthy place to be.

I wouldn't go in though, and I wouldn't make up excuses as to why you are unavailable. The fact it isn't a working day for you is ample reason. You don't need to pretend you are away or already committed elsewhere.

Agree with all others. Politely refuse. Good luck in future glad you’re leaving they sound like bullies based on what you have described! I would ignore the group messages.

I would do the same as your colleague and just not go in. Only if it’s brought up after the fact say you can’t make it due to your own childcare

Nothing will likely happen and nobody will suffer. The world will keep spinning and the nursery will function fine with its other staff.

Just noticed you said you were going to one of the meets mid week.
You won’t be paid !!!! and you’ll have to find childcare !!!!!! AND it’s your holiday !!!!!!!!
What are you thinking!

Youre allowing yourself to be bullied and they are all winning and laughing at you.

They’re jealous because you are a qualified teacher, earning more and have better holidays

Sod the lot of them, don’t be bullied, hold your head up high
and have your holiday…….all of it

You should not be asked to attend work during holidays but if you are on a teacher contract they have 5training days on which they can require you to work- some of which are taken from holiday time. However you should have notice if those by the end of summer term of the preceding school year.

The management should also be monitoring the Facebook chat and not allowing any unprofessional conversation to take place at all. Perhaps they need that pointed out to them that it is happening.

I hate myself for being so weak.
I can’t explain the pressure. It wasn’t like they asked me once …
I was repeatedly told I had to come in/ must come in/ parents were expecting me / kids would be let down .
I just said - I’ll come to stay and play as my team were relentless . I don’t know why I didn’t just say I was away with family . The fact I’m up past midnight ranting shows how stressed I am. I hate I am weak!
I am being bullied into it . Ahhhhh. They hate I’m a teacher. So they try and make me feel crap. I thought 1/3 was a compromise but I’m an idiot. Should have firm boundaries !

Text now and say sorry change of plan I can’t make it in now for stay and play. Just FYI I won’t be checking work communications from now until I return from holiday next Monday. Just send it now and don’t go in. Stand up for yourself or they will continue to walk all over you

Your not weak your just a people pleaser.

Just channel their energy. I can guarantee you the gobby 22 year olds will be equally gobby about having their annual leave uninterrupted; and equally gobby when Suzy books half term every year before them when they have kids.

Just be them. You can do this.

Alternatively go even more passive. Mute the chat. Ignore the chat. Just feign ignorance and a faux ‘oh that’s a shame I’m on my hols, nothing exciting just spending time with the kids - have you got any nice hols planned this year?’

None of you should go. None of you should ever go. When they ask next time you must all say ‘no, I won’t be in, I’m on annual leave’ until it sinks in.

please don’t feel intimated by bitchy 22 year old.

You’re on annual leave. It doesn’t matter what your plans are, or if you have any.

I presume you’re more qualified than the other staff?

Do you think many men are sitting there debating going in on their days off?

I don't know one man who would - unless they were well paid for it - or given time off on in lieu.

Start as you mean to go on - say no.

As for whats app groups - I hate them - they are not an appropriate form of communication.

I agree
Do it now whilst you can see how horrid they are being.
Dont think twice just do it

They’re using emotional blackmail and should be ashamed of themselves

Don’t do it and just lie low. You’re leaving anyway.

Of course those who think your conditions and salary are golden are also welcome to pursue the qualifications that got you those conditions and salary.

My husband is so cross I am going in during my holiday again.

So this isn't the first time they've done this. You've already decided (a good decision by the sound of it) that you're handing in your notice. What's the worst they can do? Fire you? I'd like to be a fly on the wall if that went to tribunal.

And the atmosphere is as you say toxic. Can it get much worse than it is already?

Please find your backbone. Tell them you're on holiday and won't be in for any of it. Don't upset and disrupt your own family to try to appease a bunch of jealous and bitter staff. They won't think any better of you for going in, so don't.

If they are jealous of the perks of being a teacher they can all go and do a teaching degree, can't they.
Don't you dare cave to their bullying.
Tell them you are busy on your holidays!

I would respond to the group chat that your contract sets your holidays and unfortunately, as the events have been scheduled for when you are on your contracted holidays, you won't be attending.

Don't get into back and forth. Your contract sets when you can take leave and that's that.

So it's not your manager who is asking you to come it? Then don't.
Leave the chat, or mute it, it's Facebook and they can't force you.

To clarify, you're not being asked by your line manager? Not your problem.

This!

I know one teacher has flatly refused to attend any events during the holidays and doesn’t care what people think of her not attending.

^

This.

And find another job

That is awful. I would message all of your colleagues as a private group and say “there appears to be some confusion around the fact that as a teacher employed by the company my contract terms are different to some other roles in our workplace. Part of this means that I am not expected to work during school holidays and half terms, I spend this time caring for my three children and make my own childcare arrangements accordingly. Please stop asking me to come to work during my holiday time, it is unfair and puts me under pressure. If I am needed as a teacher the event needs to be during my contracted time, ie term time. From now on I will not be responding to messages when I am on holiday”. Call them out!

I'd say , sorry can't attend meetings whilst in annual leave.
Then mute the chat til you're back at work.
I never attend meetings when I'm off.
Sometimes get an email 'for those who couldn't make it '
Oh well.

You are on annual leave.

Your employers has agreed to that leave.

The people pushing you are not your employer, or your you manager. You don’t owe them your personal time and you don't owe them an explanation.

Don't go in. Don't respond to their questions. Not their business.

Don't go in. You're doing it for your children remember, if you find it hard to say no for yourself.

I wouldn’t answer questions on Facebook just mute the chat. Tell your manager you won’t be coming in. If questioned about it face to face just say you’ve made plans for the holidays.

I'd make it a response on the whattsap page as well. Being bullied by 20 year odds? I should coco...