Going on holiday with out me

[Pimpledimple]

family holiday being booked for this summer we all go away every year. Two other families have children as well as us and some other family are coming we used to go in term time but children are all at school now. I’ve said we can’t go and they’ve said they won’t consider the summer holidays and the two other children families are taking their kids out of school and I should do the same. I’ve told my cousin we won’t take them out of school. I just feel sad that there will be no more big family holidays for us then. I know I can’t expect families to pay more if there happy to take there kids out of school.

Your DC are presumably still quite young, you probably could take them out of school, at least for a few days. You don't actually have to ask permission, you could just take them, and either tell the truth to the school or not. They won't authorise it, but they are unlikely to do anything.
It is your choice though, and YABU to imply that it's not a choice.
Best solution would be to go on holiday the last week of term, then they are not missing much, and if the DC blab when they come back, well, everyone will have been on holiday. Or agree dates that are half holidays, half term time.
Personally I'd take my DC out of school rather than not have family holidays all together. Doesn't have to be every year.

Yanbu. I wouldn't take mine out either.

Difficult one. I am also against taking kids out of school (mum was a teacher and it used to drive her crazy)

But I am probably taking DS7 out for a week in April to spend time with his grandad who has recently been diagnosed with a terminal illness.

How long would it be, a week?

Normally we 10 days or two weeks

That is quite a lot, I can see why you don't feel comfortable.

Would they compromise eg the last week of term and the first week of holidays? Then you could either come for part of it or take a few days out at the end of term when not much is normally happening anyway.

no way would I take the kids out of school and they should not be asking you to do it

I’ve never taken my kids out of school other than for one day to attend a wedding, and one day with Dd when ds was born.

I don’t object to other people doing it, as long as they don’t expect the teacher to make a special case of catching their child up, but it’s not something I’d be doing.

I think YANBU to be sad that you won’t be able to go on any more family holidays. But would be U if you thought you would be able to change it.

Could you go for a week? I can see their point if the others are happy to take their kids out of school, the school holidays are so expensive.

Oh both of the days I mention, Dd was in receptions. DS (younger child) has never been kept off other than for illness.

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Left out of a holiday with friends, help to move past it
176 replies

CallHerJohn · Today 04:25

This is pretty lame but I'm feeling a bit vulnerable so looking for advice.

I have two local friends, who have kids the same age as mine. We tend to meet up all together, have a group chat with the three of us, and the only reason we'd be without one of us is if the 3rd one is working or not around for some reason - generally we invite each other and/or our families when meeting up.

Last week the two other families went on holiday together. I only found out a few weeks ago after asking what one of their plans were over the Easter break. She sheepishly said her family were going away with the other family. I didn't really react, even though I was a bit hurt not to be asked. It's so silly isn't it? I'm a grown woman, but it feels like all those school days feelings of not being included have come right back.

We have a little baby (the other families have two dcs each), so maybe they thought we wouldn't be able to come or want to, but it would have been nice to be asked i guess? Or maybe they just didn't want us to come. Which hurts to think about.

I was ditched by my group of friends at the end of primary school (I never found out why), and ever since it's given me a bit of insecurity around relationships, so this plays right into my anxieties.

I will be seeing these friends regularly at the school gate, activities and socially (i hope?) and I guess I need to have some help to get over this and just move on so it doesn't affect the friendship. Like a mantra to tell myself? Or something?

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BadNomad · Today 14:25

Do you think they've been meeting up at other times without you realising?

It probably is the baby. They could be thinking you're just too busy/restricted at the moment with what you can do.

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SeasonFinale · Today 14:19

I will admit to not RTFT but did check OP's answers. Is there possibly a mismatch of finances at all/or spending expectations? They may want to eat out all the time and may know that you wouldn't be able to afford to do that and would want to self cater hence changing the nature of the break. If that is the case they may have decided to go together and without you so they got the break they actually wanted?

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BelindaBears · Today 14:15

notacooldad · Today 13:38

Seriously? You would exclude someone from a holiday just in case you got the room next door to a baby?
I would!
My days of being round a baby (and toddlers for that matter) are well and truly over. I dont want to go back to sharing my holiday time with babies around.
I'm not the only one that thinks like this either!!

Same, I’ve done it through gritted teeth for family but unless they were my absolute best friends in the world, no fucking way am I going on holiday with someone else’s baby or toddler. It would totally affect what my older child was able to do on the trip too if everything was having to be organised around being baby/toddler friendly.

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LovePoppy · Today 14:05

one thing I’ve learned is you just can not invite everyone to everything.

this wasn’t done to hurt you. It’s just this trip didn’t work to include you. In the future you might be included and the other family not.

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footballmom43 · Today 13:59

Are you sure the older girls get on as well as you think? My DD has two close friends and they're all great girls but in all honesty the two other girls are closer to each other than they are to DD; she will always be the one left out if they're a 3. As much as I like both families, I wouldnt go on or organise a weekend away with all of us because my DD would end up (subtly) left out and it wouldnt be that enjoyable. I would feel comfortable going away with one of those families, but not with both - could that be what has happened here? OR they've recognised that their kids are closer? Either way it doesnt sound like anything you have done wrong. Completely agree they should've gone about it more transparently but people are crap at communicating awkward stuff like this.

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TheyAreMyBhunasPete · Today 13:58

notacooldad · Today 13:38

Seriously? You would exclude someone from a holiday just in case you got the room next door to a baby?
I would!
My days of being round a baby (and toddlers for that matter) are well and truly over. I dont want to go back to sharing my holiday time with babies around.
I'm not the only one that thinks like this either!!

Not a particularly great friend then are you 🙂

I was the last to have a baby. My invites temporarily dried up for a while! I understood perfectly.
Once the kids were all a bit older normal service resumed.

Why should I have my holiday ruined by something rather is not making me enjoy it. And flip that over why should my friends holiday be ruined by something they don't want either.

It's about understanding each other realising you are not going to get invited to everything and you can't invite everyone to everything either.
That's life!

Oops! Sorry.
My bold didn't work and its included other posts!