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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Can I change things?

3 replies

Scarlypopsmummy · 10/02/2023 21:04

When I had DD (now 7), I had severe PND which involved feeling suicidal at times. I was not a good mum. I had no patience with my DD and made a lot of mistakes-still making them now but less so and I'm more aware if my behaviour e.g. having too high expectations, lack of patience, too sharp, not empathetic enough.
Now she is older, she is very shy and can be extremely emotional-small things seems to escalate quickly which, even now my mental health is better, I find difficult to deal with. I see others her age chatting confidently to adults, smiling and enjoying the world around them. My DD is quiet and watchful and seems to find it difficult to show positive emotions at times. My personality can be like this due a similar relationship with my own mum. I believe my mum has mental health issues which have never been diagnosed.
What can I do to start healing the damage I've done? I vowed not to be like my mum and accept my failings, be better. I'm just not sure how. AIBU to think I can put my DD on the right path emotionally after the first few years not being great? Can things like this be undone?

OP posts:
Calciferess · 10/02/2023 21:09

I'd suggest finding her a therapist.

I was your DD, I wish my mum had looked into some private therapy/counselling for me when I was young. I was a very anxious child/young adult, am now nearly 40 and have been having counselling for 7 years. It's cost me thousands.

Well done for wanting to help her sooner. We've done lots of work on the inner child stuff, and neural pathways. Counselling is definitely worth it.

wearinghardhat · 10/02/2023 21:18

I think it can, at least I hope it can, my mum was the same and so am I. Pnd lingers and its only when you're out of the haze you can see things clearly and thats when you start to change.

Everyone makes mistakes and trying to be better when she's 7 is a hell of a lot better than some. If you feel guilty perhaps she's old enough to explain that 'mommy wasn't feeling well when you were younger and I'm trying really hard to do better for you. won't always do the right thing but I'll always try and apologise if I make a mistake again' some sort of acknowledgement can go a long way

Scarlypopsmummy · 10/02/2023 21:27

Thank you both. I have started apologising when I know I've spoken out of turn. I found that really hard to do for some reason but I'm hoping acknowledging it will go some way. I don't know what she remembers from her younger years but I'm certain they've impacted her.
I think a therapist is a good idea. I've just been googling some 👍

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