Aibu with lack of care and help

[xxxJess123xxx]

Hi all
been with my husband 17 years, married for 1. 2 kids, 7 and 4

Now, husband never helps around the house. He works full time long hours and I work very part time
i do all the dinners, washing up, kids baths, bedtimes, school lunches, ironing, cleaning the house etc etc you name it, it’s my job.

iv tried to get him to help. Iv nagged, iv asked, iv got upset, iv shouted. He says well you should tell me what needs doing.
I shouldn’t bloody well need to!!!!

yesterday I had my coil removed. It was very sore as they had to use instruments as the strings were missing

i then bathed both kids that evening and hoovered as well as put them to bed.
I was in pain and he didn’t offer to do anything

have tried to explain this evening, away from the kids (in bed) that I feel like he doesn’t care about me any more and the fact that I had that procedure done and he still didn’t help me has upset me
he genuinely couldn’t see why I was upset

iv gone for a long bath and he hasn’t come to see how I am, he’s on the computer

aibu??? What else can I try, literally out of ideas here

When you say he works long hours, and you work very part time, how many hours do you each work?

He leaves the house at 6am and is home around 5pm
i work Friday, Sat, Sunday evenings 6-10pm

So he's out of the house 11hrs a day, and you're only 12 a week?
What time does he need to go to bed/get up?

To be fair if he's out of the house 55 hours a week, you only work 12 hours a week, and the kids are in school Monday-Friday, I'd expect it's fair that you would do most of the housework, as you're home alone during the working week.

You could definitely ask him to do a couple of dinners a week and give him a job for the weekends though.

What do you do Monday to Friday during school hours?

Up until last month I was working the 3 days my son was in preschool
hes not in school until September

And am also assuming he's got full child care responsibilities Friday sat Sun including doing dinner and bed those 3 nights so not like he's doing nothing?

I think bearing in mind the amount of hours he's working, compared to the very few that you're doing, that you're really expecting a bit much of him. After all, it should be easy to have time to yourself during the day where you can put your feet up, having already got the housework out of the way, and then bathing, putting the kids to bed etc, in the evening isn't exactly that hard, surely?

Also, to a great extent I do tend to think women expect men to read their minds, they really ARE different creatures to us, so if you do want him to contribute, tell him what you want him to do. Maybe give him regular jobs so that he knows that they're his tasks to perform, rather than expecting him to know what you want him to do.

So his one day is equal to your three days bar one hour....

Your children are at school for six hours every day?

I know who I would rather be, it's not your DH Op!

www.theguardian.com/world/2017/may/26/gender-wars-household-chores-comic

Have you tried asking him nicely? Speaking from experience, "please will you put the bins out" and "please will you cook dinner" work much better than nagging, shouting, passive aggression or sarcasm, even though those things come more naturally in the citcumstances. Works better on my teenage sons too. They do gradually learn to do things without being asked, but it takes patience. Like training puppies.

Michelle, he puts them to bed yes. Iv had this job for a month after being made redundant with my 3 days daytime work job
i do however, have to have them all dressed in pjs/bathed and they have to have had their dinner before I leave so he literally brushes their teeth and puts them to bed 7.30pm

Dog cafe, no only one child is at full time school
my 4 year old has just turned 4 and does 3 preschool days