Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Cutting off the friendship with my neighbour

8 replies

Sophia1979 · 10/02/2023 19:12

Hi, I’m new to this forum so please be nice :-)
Sorry it’s a bit long.
I thought I made a good friend with my neighbour. Having lived in my flat for over 20 years with my son, I used to keep myself to myself. Neighbours were polite and friendly but I would never involve myself with them.
The neighbour in the next block of flats has lived here for a few years and as a few of us has issues with our flats she was gathering information to contact our landlord.
We got talking and exchanged numbers. She would invite me for dinner and I would do the same. I thought I had met a decent friend but as time has gone on I’ve realised she’s taken advantage and has messed me around with plans.

One day she asked me if I could look after her boy as she had the doctors. She said she would be 45 minutes but she was gone for 1.5 hours. I had planned a night in with my son to have a takeaway. She did text and say sorry there’s traffic but it was only a 5 minute walk down the road. Her son said she had taken his X-box to be repaired so why couldn’t she have been honest and tell me where she was really going? In the end I told my son to order his takeaway and I would make something when I got home. My whole Friday night was ruined.

Then we arranged to go to see the fireworks she let me down 10 minutes before we were due to meet. I messaged in the morning to confirm the time which she took ages to respond then last minute says she’s not well and sorry she’s not replied she’s been in and out of sleep and she wasn’t going to the fireworks. So I was left waiting around half the day not knowing what was going on.

Then at Christmas Eve she invited me for dinner we arranged 5pm. She texts me 2 hours before and asked if I could go over to hers now as she needs to get cat food and her son doesn’t want to go to the shops. She said it would make more sense if I went there to chill. I said no I see you at 5 I’m painting my nails.
Anyway I get there when it’s time to eat she doesn’t even sit at the table tells me she’s forgotten her Yorkshire pudding so I’m sat there just with her little boy. Bless him telling me funny stories. She never did put her Yorkshire pudding in the oven nor eat her dinner she spent most of the time in the kitchen and then she kept going outside either for a fag which she rarely smokes, putting the rubbish out and letting the cat in and out.
This wasn’t the first time she kept going out. Last time she invited me over for dinner every time I started a conversation within 15 minutes she was out the door. She must of got up 5 times mid conversation. So I thought to myself I’m not going to be around someone who makes me so unwelcome when they invite me over.

Another thing is she seems to know about everyone’s business. She will tell me something then says I will find out. One night I had my fella over and we were smoking a cigarette at the balcony she happened to drive passed. She was so busy trying to look up at my balcony that she drove her car up the kerb.

I just feel like she’s messed me around too much now and I now want to keep my distance. She texted me 2 weeks ago asked me how I was but I just ignored it. I dread walking to my car passed her flat in case I see her and for her to invite me over or make plans to go somewhere. I don’t like confrontations or arguments but making friends with my neighbour has turned out to be a big mistake. I guess I can just make excuses about being busy or just keep on ignoring her messages if she ever messages again in the hope she get the message?

OP posts:
Jk8 · 26/03/2023 21:20

Sounds like shes just using you for childcare to be honest especially inviting you round on christmas eve & needing to duck out gives her an hour or so to visit somebody else while knowing her child's cared for & the meal would already have had to be made anyway & who gets theyre childs xbox repaired without them & stays to wait for it to be done ?? Did she break it herself ?

Just remember though If your ending the friendship you don't need to be polite about it - shes messed you around & you want to move on with other things

ThinWomansBrain · 26/03/2023 21:28

No need to feel bad about it - just decline any invitations, and don't make any - either reply to emails with "OK, file, hope all's well with you" - or block her

Scale it down & return to being neighbours you see in the street - there doesn't have to be a big confrontation.

concernedalot · 26/03/2023 21:47

I've had a similar thing. One who befriended me for emotional support about her divorce and problems, and asked me for advice on buying a new house. Can I print stuff out for her, sign a form as a witness for her, blah blah blah. Now she's moved house I haven't seen her for dust even though she only moved 5 minutes up the road. Pooof! right into thin air. When they want something from you they're your best friends. One way friendships are my speciality! I just fade them out, not worth the effort. Don't reply to her messages OP, she's not adding anything to your life but stress. Lower your expectations of people, as most of them are vultures i'm afraid.

AllyArty · 26/03/2023 22:08

She strikes me as a bit self-obsessed and chaotic and not as keen on having a genuine friendship with u as u were with her. From what you said she is more of a taker than a giver. What’s in this friendship for you? Doesn’t sound like a real friend to me. I think you wd be better off without someone like that in your life.

Daftasyoulike · 26/03/2023 22:22

I don't think you are being at all unreasonable in letting this non-friendship slide OP. As others have indicated, she sounds like a user, and we can all do without people like that in our lives. True friendship is give and take.

Singularity82 · 26/03/2023 23:28

ThinWomansBrain · 26/03/2023 21:28

No need to feel bad about it - just decline any invitations, and don't make any - either reply to emails with "OK, file, hope all's well with you" - or block her

Scale it down & return to being neighbours you see in the street - there doesn't have to be a big confrontation.

Yep, exactly this.

Tiani4 · 27/03/2023 10:04

It's not a good friendship for you
Yanbu to go LC
Simply stop replying and leave it ages - weeks - before you so reply with a "I'm great... busy.. sorry I missed your text" and so same with next one

That way there's no confrontation but you ease get out of your life
It's not quite ghosting but it's fading away...

Tiani4 · 27/03/2023 14:31

When you visit friends to socialise it has to be fun or at least pleasant for both of you.

If she were a great friend who had a long history with you, I could see why you'd want to be there for a bit of support during a crisis, but this isn't that. This is an acquaintance who doesn't feel any compunction to behave well and talk to you when you've visited for that purpose?! She clearly sees you as a free babysitter to make her life easier. Why ask you round then ignore you or GO OUT when you are there in a visit??!!!

The moment someone takes a long call when I visit her for a couple hours as requested , or decides to go out whilst I'm visiting - to waste my time expecting me to babysit her child without asking me beforehand and expect me to be late for or ignore my own lovely family and plans, is the time I realise they are no added value to my life (a NAV)

I don't have time nor energy for NAVs, in romantic partners or acquaintances...

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread