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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dont want to do play dates at home

26 replies

2under3inkent · 10/02/2023 18:43

My son is 2 and a half and goes to nursery. I have a nearly 4 month old baby too. AIBU by saying no to indoor play dates? My son socialises at nursery and personally I want my house to be calmer because of my baby. I dont want multipls toddlers screaming and running round when shes napping. Id rather do park play dates where she can sleep in the pram whilst my son and his friends can play freely. But some mums ONLY want to come to my house and do the coffee and cake bit. But ive said no endlessly now and I dont know if I am in the wrong.

OP posts:
Purplepurse · 10/02/2023 18:49

Do you go to their houses? It's nice for your child to have friends home and you risk alienating yourself from your friends. Just ask one or two children. Second and subsequent children soon get used to having siblings playing around them!

WaddleAway · 10/02/2023 18:50

They’re asking to come to your house? That’s odd.

neverbeenskiing · 10/02/2023 18:51

We didn't do playdates at home until Reception. Wasn't an issue.

FindingMyselfIn2023 · 10/02/2023 18:52

But some mums ONLY want to come to my house and do the coffee and cake bit. But ive said no endlessly now and I dont know if I am in the wrong.

I guess it depend if you go their houses and do the coffee and cake bit, in which I do think it's important to reciprocate.

If you don't go to theirs, then it's rude for them to be expecting you to host all the time, and you're well within your rights to say now. However, you/your son may not be included in future gatherings.

Xmasbaby11 · 10/02/2023 18:55

It’s just easier at someone’s home once you have 2, as there’s likely to be plenty to do, it’s comfortable, cheap, all weather, easier for baby changes and feeding. Obviously it’s nice to go out too but can be really hard going to a park with baby and toddler. That’s my experience anyway with 2y age gap.

of course yanbu if you don’t want people over.

BelleMarionette · 10/02/2023 18:55

Do you go to their houses?

I think it's a bit weird to refuse to host playdates, but it's up to you

Stressfordays · 10/02/2023 19:00

Bit weird for them to keep asking you to host? I personally wouldn't want to sit in a freezing park at this time of year. Id just invite you to mine rather then ask that.

Stuffynosetime · 10/02/2023 19:01

Depends if you go to theirs you ve a neck on you not inviting back. If you don’t then they are the cf ones.

Original poster
2under3inkent · 10/02/2023 19:01

FindingMyselfIn2023 · 10/02/2023 18:52

But some mums ONLY want to come to my house and do the coffee and cake bit. But ive said no endlessly now and I dont know if I am in the wrong.

I guess it depend if you go their houses and do the coffee and cake bit, in which I do think it's important to reciprocate.

If you don't go to theirs, then it's rude for them to be expecting you to host all the time, and you're well within your rights to say now. However, you/your son may not be included in future gatherings.

Before my daughter was born id go to their house then the next time theyd come to mine. Its just whilst my daughter is under 1 really i want to do this. But it doesnt seem very well understood and im fed up of explaining myself all the time

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 10/02/2023 19:02

YANBU to not want to host. Do you go to their houses? I'd just make it clear that you're not in a position to reciprocate at the moment and then they can invite/not invite you as they see fit.

I don't think you can expect other people to prefer sitting in the park to sitting in a nice, warm house with a cup of tea though. I totally understand why they don't want to do that!

Stuffynosetime · 10/02/2023 19:02

So are you still going to theirs.

this is like pulling teeth 😂

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 10/02/2023 19:03

I think it's a bit isolating for your toddler to never have friends over.

Someone's house is so much more convenient than a park too - it's dry, it's warm, it's secure, it's safe - there's also free access to toilets, water and cleaning facilities!

Ultimately it's up to you but if you're not willing to have people over I don't think you should go their houses either.

Original poster
2under3inkent · 10/02/2023 19:03

BelleMarionette · 10/02/2023 18:55

Do you go to their houses?

I think it's a bit weird to refuse to host playdates, but it's up to you

I used to host them before my daughter was born. I just would rather have play dates out and about until my daughter is about 1. Its just something i want to do but people dont understand that i am allowed to have some control over my own life.

OP posts:
pictoosh · 10/02/2023 19:05

I've not heard of someone refusing to host playdates because they want to keep their home calm for the baby.

Original poster
2under3inkent · 10/02/2023 19:05

Stuffynosetime · 10/02/2023 19:02

So are you still going to theirs.

this is like pulling teeth 😂

No im not going to theirs. I said i used to before my daughter was born

OP posts:
Stressfordays · 10/02/2023 19:08

I don't see how a house can be calm for a baby when you have a toddler sibling 🤣 I say this as a Mum of 3. Its easier to have play dates at home then lugging all the toddler/baby paraphernalia to the park.

Original poster
2under3inkent · 10/02/2023 19:08

pictoosh · 10/02/2023 19:05

I've not heard of someone refusing to host playdates because they want to keep their home calm for the baby.

Sorry i am so weird for you.

OP posts:
WaddleAway · 10/02/2023 19:09

So are people repeatedly asking to come to your house?
I have 3 young children and have not encountered this!

NuffSaidSam · 10/02/2023 19:10

2under3inkent · 10/02/2023 19:05

No im not going to theirs. I said i used to before my daughter was born

Show quote history

Then just be flattered that they keep asking you, they obviously enjoy your company.

Make it clear you're not doing playdates until your daughter is older.

They probably don't get it because it is a bit weird to have a 'no playdates before a year' policy, it's not something most people have tbf. Completely fine for you to do it, but you'll need to be really clear. Then revisit in a few months when the weather is better and a park is more appealing.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/02/2023 19:11

Stop caring about what they think and stop explaining yourself. Just say no and be done with it.

BendingSpoons · 10/02/2023 19:16

I wouldn't be keen for playdates in the park in February. With 2 toddlers you are unlikely to spend much time together with them running off in other directions. I much preferred people coming to mine so that I could carry on with my baby's routine more easily i.e. feed, change, nap as and when. I imagine your friends haven't really figured out why you want things to change, which is why they keep asking. Of course you can keep saying no, but you are at risk of isolating yourself from these friends. I guess it depends how much that matters to you.

Purplepurse · 10/02/2023 19:18

Well I'm going to very gently say that I hope when your year is up you still have friends who want to invite you to their homes. It's easy to get forgotten.

Stressfordays · 10/02/2023 19:21

Why don't you suggest a middle ground like soft play or a role play centre? It really is awful sitting in a freezing park in winter.

Snoken · 10/02/2023 19:22

I don’t think I could bother with a friend who doesn’t want me to visit for an entire year so that her baby can have a calm house. I would just move on to create other friendships. It would be a shame for your DS socially too. It’s different playing a nursery vs at each other’s house.

pictoosh · 10/02/2023 19:47

2under3inkent · 10/02/2023 19:08

Sorry i am so weird for you.

Show quote history

That's fine. Admittedly I'd find it all a bit up yourself and offputting but that's me.

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