Page 2 | To make DH quit?

findmeajob · 2023-02-10T17:02:50+00:00

Clickbaity title for traffic, sorry! I’m currently on Mat leave and go back in a few months. Have two DC. One in school and baby will be going to nursery/family. Have been trying for past year (since they started) to secure wrap around care for DC in school. Nothing available and apparently 2yr waiting list for ASC. We genuinely do not know how to cover this. Now family cannot care for the baby 2 days a week so he will have to go to nursery 4 days a week. Nursery have okayed this today so we’re back to just a few days a week of pick ups being an issue. We just don’t know what to do? Should one of us just quit? We already had childcare issues before the new problem with the baby. Both jobs are incredibly inflexible with no chance of WFH. My job is more of a career than DH’s but he earns slightly more than me currently (for his 5days vs. my 4days) and he has a lot of overtime potential. What do we do? Does he quit? Do I? Is there some magic childcare solution we haven’t yet thought of? P.S. the money for the childcare is not an issue, we’ll throw money at the problem to find a solution, within reason obviously. P.P.S. just needing to rant and have others sympathise with me about how hard it is to find childcare 😓

Kitkatfiend31 · 10/02/2023 17:23

You don't have to have a nanny live in. It would seem the easiest solution. Or maybe look for an older person for the school pick ups. Someone just retired might be interested.

Original poster

findmeajob · 10/02/2023 17:23

DoubleHelix79 · 10/02/2023 17:17

We had similar issues - local childminders inflexible and not conveniently located - and bit the bullet to hire a nanny. She has her own child, just a bit younger than our DC2, who comes with her 2 days per week. We probably pay slightly less than we would for someone without DC and DC2 has a fantastic time with his little friend. Everyone wins. It helps that we both mostly WFH and only need our nanny between 9 and 5. DH works 4 days per week and has DC on Friday, I work full time. It's a significant expense for us but worth having reliable l, high quality childcare with minimal stress.

I think this is looking like our only option. Just not quite sure how expensive this is? Where do I start finding a nanny?

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Original poster

findmeajob · 10/02/2023 17:26

PinkArt · 10/02/2023 17:19

Is it just the school pick up that's tricky, or nursery too? Now this was the 80s so things like safeguarding hadn't been invented, but my parents solution to a similar problem was a (very reputable) taxi that collected me every day from my school and took me to my mum's school. 95% of the time it was the same driver and the other 5% usually only one other driver.
I'd then hang there reading or doing homework until she was ready to leave. Is anything like that remotely an option?

To be honest, it’s all bloody tricky. School pick ups are the biggest problem but nursery drop offs are awkward timings etc. none of it is easy which makes me think one of us should just quit

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Original poster

findmeajob · 10/02/2023 17:29

ChildcareIsBroken · 10/02/2023 17:20

I assume your family can't help even if you pay them?
I'd look at nanny for the problematic days. Your youngest would not go to nursery on those days so that cost would be reduced.

No family can’t help. I think the nanny is the way to go. We just hadn’t considered as we felt it was too expensive. Need to look into this more.

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Original poster

findmeajob · 10/02/2023 17:30

NEmama · 10/02/2023 17:21

Approach the school see if they can set up wraparound care

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The school does have wrap around care. My daughter is 67th on the waiting list for one particular day 😂

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DoubleHelix79 · 10/02/2023 17:31

We are in the Southeast, not in one of the most expensive towns but also not a deprived area. We pay 12£ per hour gross, on top of which come NI etc. We also offer pension contributions. Nannytax have an excellent salary calculator on their website.

We found ours via Childcare.co.uk relatively easily - if you're comfortable with interviewing and don't have any very specialised requirements then an agency isn't really needed. We checked references obviously.

A nanny share may also be worth considering but we found it impossible to find another family to set one up - it doesn't seem to be the done thing around here.

TickTickTock · 10/02/2023 17:33

I don't know if this will be helpful or not, but I had the same problem at my daughter's school. They had no after school provision at all and weren't planning on creating any due to perceived lack of demand. I kept asking them to review this and survey the parents to check for demand.. they eventually got a consultant in who advised them it was a good idea and we now have after school care!
I know your school's provision is full but it might be worth badgering them to increase their provision. Tell them they need to support working parents and keep going on at them. Find out who else is on the waiting list and get them to badger the Head too! 2 years waiting list is ridiculous. They need more spaces

cestlavielife · 10/02/2023 17:33

A nanny will be able to take child to routine appointments etc , eg if seeing therapists . So will be cost effective

Original poster

findmeajob · 10/02/2023 17:35

DoubleHelix79 · 10/02/2023 17:31

We are in the Southeast, not in one of the most expensive towns but also not a deprived area. We pay 12£ per hour gross, on top of which come NI etc. We also offer pension contributions. Nannytax have an excellent salary calculator on their website.

We found ours via Childcare.co.uk relatively easily - if you're comfortable with interviewing and don't have any very specialised requirements then an agency isn't really needed. We checked references obviously.

A nanny share may also be worth considering but we found it impossible to find another family to set one up - it doesn't seem to be the done thing around here.

Thank you, very helpful. Off to do some googling! I hadn’t come across many nannies on childcare.co.uk before but think that’s because I wasn’t looking for them.

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Divebar2021 · 10/02/2023 17:36

Have you actually advertised for a childminder yourself? I found ours on Childcare.com and she responded to that advertisement. She was full at that time but about to get a vacancy. I also spoke with a local family about a nanny share so that might be a possibility too. I have also seen a couple of older ladies offering babysitting and after school care who advertised on nextdoor.com so I would consider looking there ( caveat I have no idea of their experience)

Divebar2021 · 10/02/2023 17:37

Oh I think I meant childcare.co.uk. Not com.

GoldenGorilla · 10/02/2023 17:43

are you a teacher? Just wondering if you could seriously look at setting up a new wrap around care service, sounds like there’d be massive demand. In our area we have one wraparound staffed by actual teachers who also do tutoring and homework supervision, that’s very popular. I chatted to one of the teachers there who said she’s making as much as she was before, but with none of the stress and shorter hours….

Original poster

findmeajob · 10/02/2023 17:46

ZeroFucksGivenToday · 10/02/2023 17:22

Any mum friends who can help in a rotation at all?
I assume you are on every waiting list going?
I think nanny share might be your option here. Can't hurt to enquire. Quitting will leave you financially worse off and playing catch up. Nanny is a max of two years based on afterschool current waiting list.

Have just messaged one of the other mums to see if we can help each other out. Yep, on all the waiting lists. Only problem with ASC club is it’s a problem for my daughter now but by the time she gets a place it’ll then be the same problem all over again for my baby who will then be joining the school 😂

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Original poster

findmeajob · 10/02/2023 17:49

GoldenGorilla · 10/02/2023 17:43

are you a teacher? Just wondering if you could seriously look at setting up a new wrap around care service, sounds like there’d be massive demand. In our area we have one wraparound staffed by actual teachers who also do tutoring and homework supervision, that’s very popular. I chatted to one of the teachers there who said she’s making as much as she was before, but with none of the stress and shorter hours….

Think I’ve probs outed myself already with my level of detail so might as well go the whole hog and totally out myself 😂 Am qualified teacher but now an assistant head/SENCO and love my job so not keen to leave. Think that is a very good suggestion that may be worth considering too though! Am about to qualify as specialist dyslexia tutor too so could also offer that.

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Original poster

findmeajob · 10/02/2023 17:51

Divebar2021 · 10/02/2023 17:36

Have you actually advertised for a childminder yourself? I found ours on Childcare.com and she responded to that advertisement. She was full at that time but about to get a vacancy. I also spoke with a local family about a nanny share so that might be a possibility too. I have also seen a couple of older ladies offering babysitting and after school care who advertised on nextdoor.com so I would consider looking there ( caveat I have no idea of their experience)

Yes have advertised. Got one response on childcare.co.uk from someone 11miles away 😬 also put on the local FB and has the same recommendations for the same 3 childminders who are full and have long waiting lists.

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Phineyj · 10/02/2023 18:17

Try Koru Kids (they specialise in after school nannies) and also think hard about which friends and acquaintances have 16-25 year olds who might be willing to do the pickups. The young adult son of a friend did a morning a week from 7am then dropped at school for us for a few months when we were stuck. Sitters.com is another website to try.we

BIWI · 10/02/2023 18:21

You definitely need a nanny!

Look for a nanny share if you can. Alternatively, see if there are any nannies who have their own child - sometimes they're prepared to do this for less money, as they don't have to pay for childcare for their own child.

Justalittlebitduckling · 10/02/2023 18:21

Get a nanny to pick her up from school?

MarshaMelrose · 10/02/2023 19:07

Does it have to be a qualified nanny? My mums carers have children at home and they'd be capable of picking children and ferrying them around. They'd be more flexible because that's the nature of their job, and probably cheaper.

WhoNeedsSleepNotISaidMyBody · 11/02/2023 08:52

findmeajob · 10/02/2023 17:17

Sorry, and no, no room for a live-in nanny.
we’re happy to pay over the odds for a few afternoons a week but I don’t think we can afford a nanny salary? Think we may need to look at this though.

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@findmeajob

if you're not having to pay for nursery & 'over the odds' for a few afternoons of after school care, you might find it's not much more for a nanny.

shame you don't have space for a live in nanny as then it's a bit cheaper & in many ways more convenient if you don't mind sharing your space, but you don't, so that's that!!

Hopefully yours & his holidays align!!

maybe you'll qualify for the childcare part of UC?

misslaa · 11/02/2023 09:27

At some of the toddler groups i go to theres a nanny who is 'shared' by two families who have 3 children between them. They share the costs for her full wage which they have found is more cost effective than a childminder. Do you know anyone in the same position as you that you could ask if would be interested in something similar?