Sorry for the long post.
My daughter is now 3 months old and hasn't seen her dad since new years day so almost 6 weeks ago. During this time he sent me a letter via solicitor requesting contact, on his own, 6 hours 1 day during the week and 6 hours on one weekend day. I replied via solicitor and suggested a few hours a week, supervised, either in my home or in a contact centre due to his drug use and his general behaviour regarding our daughter.
He is yet to ask about any progress, updates or even pictures of her. Over the past few days he has reached out to me and asked if the suggestions regarding contact are still the same and he wants to know if he can have her every Sunday (this was suggested, alongside visits any time he wanted at my home, which he declined and this is what prompted his involvement with a solicitor). I declined his request due to his continued drug use and lack of interest in her. She used to come home reeking of smoke and he was dead set that no one had been smoking around her or in his house even though they obviously had.
I feel so bad for my daughter as I feel as though I'm depriving her of a father figure but he can't be trusted to have her on his own. I suggested mediation which he said no to. I want her to be able to have a relationship with her father and I feel guilty for not actively trying to accommodate it atm but the emotional and verbal abuse I receive when he can't get his own way is ridiculous. A few weeks ago he accused me of baby trapping him, he has 2 older children so I assume he knows how babies are made and he also didn't do anything to prevent it.
He is obsessed with his ex. Couldn't go one day without talking about her and he even tried to name our daughter after her son! I know that I shouldn't care but I literally felt like a surrogate for them throughout my pregnancy and now that she's here he is acting as if she is property. Didn't have a nappy or wipe in his house until she was 6 weeks old and I had to ask him to get some as I was fed up packing a bag for him to use when I was getting nothing in return financially.
Selfishly, I don't want him taking my daughter down to his exs house to play happy families, which he did when she was 4 days old, when he can't even come into my daughters home to see her. He literally works 5 minutes from us. This isn't the main reason why I'm not supporting unsupervised contact; He had been smoking cannabis around her, has a history of cocaine abuse, isn't cooperating regarding passport, and feels its okay to have a few pints before picking her up and driving her to his house 30 minutes away.
Any advice on what I could do or should I just let him jog on? He has said he won't be going back to his solicitor.
Thanks for reading if you've got this far!