To be annoyed with siblings?

[Kardelen]

So, I am the youngest of 3. I currently live together with parents, DH and DS (who is 2) and 39 weeks pregnant. living together due to parents decision- feeling lonely etc, and there is space so it wasn’t an issue.

my older sister lives just next door. And another brother a few mins away by car.
after ds I reduced my hours to work part time so I can care for him. And now just starting mat leave. My sister is a stay at home mum, with her youngest aged 14.
I’ve been the one who takes parents to their appts normally ( quite a few) and had to change my shifts to work a way round it. Everytime I asked my siblings to take either it’s a work excuse or medical terminology excuse/child care excuse.

i also used to try take dm out for fresh air/shopping etc. but now I’m finding it difficult to even drive while pregnant, or just going out with a energetic toddler on my own and with dm. I feel bad as Im
struggling and can’t take her out anymore with ds on top.

so many times I suggested to my sister whether she can take mum with her when she goes out so that she can just get a bit of fresh air. Mum is independent mobilises with stick, so not much issues with mobility. However sister always finds excuses. Today I asked her again if she is doing anything and that if she goes out whether she can tell mum too ( even to Tesco). However, she replied saying are you not going anywhere? This annoyed me and I just released my frustration by saying you should also take her out sometimes, and how I am struggling atm.

i think she got offended, but I feel really overwhelmed that I have been left to do everything. am I being unreasonable?

Dm also wants to go out which makes me more sad.

@Kardelen morally you'd hope they want to help their Mum and spend time with her. But judging by the comments on here there's a lot of people who don't give 2 shites about whether they support their parents and give anything back in life. I am like you and like to make sure my Mum is sorted. But I leave my brother to it, its his choice. What you should do is just tell your Mum you can't at the moment, and it's not on you to worry that she's not been out. Your siblings will have to live with their choices should they ever regret it. They might not, just like it seems lots of people on here wouldn't either x

thank you so much @Hydie . I really do appreciate your comment. I’m just so glad you understand where I am coming from. Made me Feel a lot better, glad to know I’m not insane! true, I should just explain that.

@Kardelen no worries! 73% currently agree with you too, take the comments with a pinch of salt x

Thank you so much x

Stop trying to control the relationship between your siblings and their parents. Do what you feel you can do and leave it at that. You only have control over your own feelings. Is your husband happy with this arrangement as if the roles were reversed I would see my husband putting his parents’ needs above those of his wife and children.

Relationships aren’t tit for tat. They’re not transactional. It’s not “I did X so you need to do Y”.

Of course parents do so much for their children; they are there to care for them. That’s why they had them.

Your ire should be directed at your parents because they are the ones that didn’t make provisions for their old age, they are the ones guilty tripping and emotionally manipulating you, and they are the ones who have caused this entire situation.

Look into carers in your local area. This can be done privately or through the LA. This is the exact thing carers are for, to ease the demands of caring and to make sure people maintain their independence, etc. That would allow your relationship with your parents to be just that, a relationship, rather than caregiver and receiver roles.

You are about to have a newborn. That's going to restrict you and mean that you can't be taking your parents out.

It needs to be your parents that ask your siblings for lifts to appointments, if they need them. It's not up to you to ask favours for them.

If your parents have done lots of favours for them, then it's up to them to ask for a return favour. If your dad was driving your sister around until recently, why isn't he going out now?

Why are your siblings living independently and you're not op?

Your mum will be sad when you leave but you have a husband and 2 children to think about too.

I would never live with my mil, I love her and she's amazing but I wouldn't live with her.

You won't be driving for potentially 6 weeks when the baby is born so you physically can't take her out. I hope your siblings are going to pull their weight.

Move out.

Do you think your mum would benefit from an electric mobility scooter? When mine got too old to drive and couldn't walk far she loved her scooter. Meant she could still get around locally

Hmm. You do what you are comfortable with for your parents, but id rehearse some more pointed comments for your siblings. Brother says something about the house… you say my friends mum disinherited the brother who never visited or helped her out, made me think of you tbh. Sister asks for a favour, you say this year is very full on with the baby, I can only do favours for people who might sometimes do one for me and when did you last do anything helpful at all? I have a baby and toddler to look after and I’m the only one who helps mum also, you should be ashamed thinking I’m going to come and help you too.

This is emotional manipulation is and is totally unacceptable.

It isn’t healthy to treat people like this at all.