One child or using the frozen embryo to try for the second

[rockingreindeer]

All the only child threads are making me think a lot about this!

Did IVF, have a great daughter, and one v good quality frozen embryo. I think I am very happy with one, and can see so many benefits to just having one.

But I have this embryo. Who could turn into someone I could love as much as my daughter. But I can't see a lot of other reasons to use it! It would break my heart to discard it, and I don't think I could donate to another couple either. Maybe I could donate to research. Maybe.

Aibu to think this way? Is having an embryo a reason to try it? So lost!

Such a difficult decision OP - it's great to have an only child but also - your reason for having a second seem also to be good - I.e - having another you'd love as much as your daughter as you said in your OP - rather than just 'to give a sibling' which is wrong reason imo

On balance OP - an only child can thrive, and do can children in a 2 child family. Such a difficult call.

so** can children - sorry for typo

I probably would go for a second, but only if I really wanted to, independent of external pressures like those threads. Your child will be at their happiest if you are too, whether that be going for a second or sticking at one.

I think that I would have to try for it, to give it a chance. But it’s not my decision.

I think 2 is perfect. Enough time and attention for both (coming from a mum of 4) holidays are geared towards families of 4. They'll have a sibling.

Just lovely. I would go for it.

I’d be tempted to try and see what happens, content with either outcome

We donated our frozen embryos to medial science

Mini blondes is our only one tho dh has 3 in their 30's

I was almost 44 when gave birth as Mother Nature didn't play ball and took 10yrs ttc and 4 failed ivf

5th is now sparko and almost 6yrs old

If you aren't sure at the moment you don't have to decide

But if you are sure only want one then yes a good idea

We decided to donate as I'm too old to have another baby. Tbh can't afford a 2nd child and happy with one

Plus if clinics didn't have medical scene they wouldn't have come to far

Transfers used to be 2/3 days

When I did last ivf in 2016 they were doing 6 days if had good blasts

Our clinic said ideally they would like to implant 10 days in the future

You would know which one blasted well and Courtinued to multiply

I would go for it. But. . . . I say that as someone who was a lonely, only child. I also say that as I’m not good at living with the ‘what if’ moments. If you can afford it then maybe it’s worth trying. Good luck with a tricky decision.

I think go for it. If you knew you didn’t want to you wouldn’t be posting

How old is your daughter op, and how old are you? Do you have a partner who also wants another? I ask as this is exactly where we are at the moment.

We have a 4 year old DD and 2 more embryos in the freezer. We swore we were one and done as we went to hell and back to get her, but every year when we come to pay the invoice for embryo storage we can’t quite let them go.

All the reasons I’d been using not to do it don’t seem like good enough reasons anymore, so we’ve just turned all our plans upside down and have had a consultation with our clinic for an frozen cycle.

I do feel a bit long in the tooth at 38 but it’s the ‘what if’ that’s getting to us. The difference this time is that we won’t be devastated if it doesn’t work - we’ll just revert to plan A and enjoy life as a 3

Good luck with whatever you decide x

I think you should go for it, otherwise you will always wonder...

38. You are a spring chicken

If she is only thing keeping you - R.E.M. your embryos are 33/34yrs old

In exactly the same position…but i’m probably older 😞I’m 44, how old are you op? We have an almost 5 year old Dd, I have to decide like now, what to do, my age is my only obstacle

I will just say this. My mother is an 84 year old only child. It has made her truly angry all her life... as she would say ... I have NEVER had someone to share with.

I know there are plenty of siblings out there that never get on.. but my mum has no experience of that.. I adore my 3 siblings.. my children equally adore theirs .. probably makes it worse..

She had to do all the parents getting old and needing care alone , dying thing alone .. funerals alone .. wills money alone .. for no other reason than my grandmother ' had one to please her husband' ... from our 84 year experience.. if you have a possibility then not to is massively selfish... childcare is 18!years... a life is up to 110 !!

I’d keep one as the only reason you seem to only want another one is just because you’ve got a perfect embryo (who might or might not turn into a human one day) I don’t think we should have kids just because we’ve got an embryo but because we do really want another child

What if's are harder to live with than 2 x dc imo.

One thing I've noticed on these threads is that people are adaptable and generally end up happy with the decision that they made (or was made for them).

So couples where one wanted another child and their partner didnt and they ended up having one and being upset about it. Or where they wanted one and then accidentally got pregnant. They usually end up with the OP saying now they are happy with the choice and couldn't imagine it any other way and recognise the advantages of their particular situation.

Sorry not sure that really helps at all but whatever you choose, you will end up being happy.

I was in your position. Had DS via IVF and a good quality embryo left over. I transferred it when he was 18 months and got a BFN. I had two more full cycles and both BFN. I'm now (mostly) at peace with having one. There are many positives. But I'm not sure I could have not tried for another.

Nrft you can have a compassionate transfer where they transfer the embryo to your body at a time when it won't implant. Some women find this easier to face than the other options.

Also, it's quite unlikely that one embryo would be a successful transfer and it would be a pity for you to get into the headspace of wanting another child without a number of embryos - it just sounds likely to end in heartbreak. If you're already at that point, go for it but I don't think you are

I'm in the exact same position as you! Was lucky enough to have DS from our first round of IVF. We also have a very good quality embryo in frozen storage. I am very, very happy with just DS and sometimes feel overwhelmed at the thought of having to look after two DC's 😵‍💫 On the other hand, I know this embryo is potentially a child that would be just as loved and precious as DS. There's never been any question of us not trying again with the other embryo.

We had one frozen embryo left and donated to science. You need a minimum of two embryos to donate to another couple (or you did at the time we were deciding).

If you are on the fence about having another I would give it a go and leave it to fate, as the success rate for one embryo is sadly not that high.

I had 3 decent quality day 5 blastocysts frozen after the first resulted in my dc, and all 3 failed, so transfer doesn’t necessarily mean pregnancy even when it has worked before. I think in your shoes I’d go for it and see what happens.

Thanks for all the replies!

Indeed very true that it may not work if we tried it. We were also lucky enough to have only been through one IVF cycle to be where we are.

I'm 37, husband is 43. I want to do it in the next 12 months or not at all. I'm a teacher so timing a September baby works out best financially. So that means doing it Jan 24.

My daughter is just over 2, so she would be 3 and 10 months if it worked. She loves babies. She loves people. She may not like her sibling if she were to have one. I don't have a relationship with mine, my husband has good relationships with his sisters, so I see both sides.

Financially it's doable, but it's still expensive. There's no getting away from that. I like thinking how much we could give our daughter in time, love, experiences, if we just had her.

It is a really tough choice. I think I will probably end up going for it. The what ifs are hard to get closure on, I think.

Why would it

Yes ivf is no guarantee

But no reason why shouldn't work

I have 2 friends who have done ivf recently - as in fets from their first round

Both had 1 good embroys to freeze

First one took and now are 2& 5

And both went for their second ivf but obv a fet

One heavily preg and due soon

Other has a 5yr and nearly 1 yr