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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dds friend keeps swearing at school

21 replies

Jennybeans401 · 09/02/2023 17:02

My middle Dd is in Year 5 and she has a friend at school who swears a lot.today is was the 'b' word apparently and other words during the week (!!). Dd says it happens mainly at breaktime and lunch time or just as they are packing up their things. Dd is close friends her and has started swearing at home too, I've talked to her about it but I think it's not great to be hearing it on the playground.

Wwyd, say something or just hope dd doesn't copy this language?

OP posts:

Dijoduo · 09/02/2023 17:06

Personally, and as a former teacher, I’d say this is a massive, massive non-issue. Children swear at school. As long as she’s not swearing at your DD (i.e. telling her to fuck off or calling her a bitch) but it just saying the word in the context of the conversation then it’s really not a problem.

Tell your DD that you don’t want her saying those words and discipline her accordingly if she breaks your rules on the matter. What harm is actually being done here - she already knows the words so, honestly, trying to blame your DD’s friend for your DD’s swearing is really just passing the buck.

Notjusta · 09/02/2023 17:10

My youngest is year 6 and I'd say yr5/6 is a classic time for starting to try out swearing. With both mine I had the conversation that a) like many other things (driving, drinking alcohol etc) swearing is really for grown ups, and even then only appropriate in some circumstances and b) if you get into the habit of swearing you might accidentally swear in an inappropriate place, like in class in front of your teacher, and get into trouble.

I agree with PP who said kids swear. It's not that nice to hear your child do it, but we all did I'm sure, like everything else, if you set a good example at home, I'm sure she won't be f-ing and blinding all over the place!

Weallgottachangesometime · 09/02/2023 17:13

You could mention it, but I think given the age she is it is likely that there will always be children in school with her now who are swearing. I think it’s better to work on helping her understand what language is and isn’t acceptable in different situations.
obviously you can mention it to the teacher but I suspect their ability to control it will be limited.

Rummikub · 09/02/2023 17:17

I gave my two permission to swear if they wanted. But included a list of who and where it wasn’t appropriate eg in front of grandparents or to teachers.

One swears and the other doesn’t at all now they are late teens.

I don’t see the point in banning it as most people do.

iPreferBooks · 09/02/2023 17:19

Give It

iPreferBooks · 09/02/2023 17:19

Sorry ignore my post - posted by mistake

Merryoldgoat · 09/02/2023 17:20

My Y5 DS became obsessed with swearing and I decided not making too big a deal and having sensible rules was the best way to deal with it.

NOT outside the house
NOT at people
ONLY when it’s only mum and/or dad around
NEVER when we have visitors

I’m sure he swears with friends and they know it’s not allowed at school and I’ve told him I support the school with their rules so he’ll be punished with my approval if caught. He keeps it to the house and never swears with visitors present and the gloss has worn off.

Blueberrywitch · 09/02/2023 17:21

Rummikub · 09/02/2023 17:17

I gave my two permission to swear if they wanted. But included a list of who and where it wasn’t appropriate eg in front of grandparents or to teachers.

One swears and the other doesn’t at all now they are late teens.

I don’t see the point in banning it as most people do.

This seems like an incredibly sensible approach which I am going to copy!

ThisWOMANWontWheesht · 09/02/2023 17:21

Not quite sure how your voting works, but I wouldn't worry about this. They're just words.
As long as your DD knows that some words are unacceptable to say to certain people or in certain situations. There are worse things than saying 'the B word'.

(What even is that? Bloody? Bastard? Bollocks?)

DestinysGrandchild · 09/02/2023 17:22

What is the B word??

Bastard? Bitch?

It's not great but someone in my sons calls literally shouts 'fuck off' in the class room. I know the teachers already deal with this when they hear it so there's no good me storming up there to moan too.

ApolloandDaphne · 09/02/2023 17:23

DestinysGrandchild · 09/02/2023 17:22

What is the B word??

Bastard? Bitch?

Or bugger?

Reugny · 09/02/2023 17:31

Rummikub · 09/02/2023 17:17

I gave my two permission to swear if they wanted. But included a list of who and where it wasn’t appropriate eg in front of grandparents or to teachers.

One swears and the other doesn’t at all now they are late teens.

I don’t see the point in banning it as most people do.

One of my nephews started swearing around me when he was 10. I told him that I didn't care but some adults did so he shouldn't swear around adults who objected. He was also not to swear around old people, around young children and at school.

This meant if you were a teen to about 50 he swore around you unless you objected. 😂

BogRollBOGOF · 09/02/2023 17:36

9 is age appropriate to learn context around swearing.

What you don't want is for them to turn up at secondary school all prim and innocent telling classmates to "buzz off"
I quickly had to upgrade my vocabulary.

FavouriteSlippers · 09/02/2023 17:38

Non issue.
Theyre roughly age 10.
They will swear. It only gets worse!

Nandocushion · 09/02/2023 17:48

Swearing has always been a total non-issue in our house and our now teens understand when it's okay and when it's not appropriate. I've never understood the pearl clutching around it, but it was funny when they were tweens and we lived in the USA and parents I knew there would punish their kids even for saying "effing".

ShepherdMoons · 09/02/2023 17:57

She's going to start hearing it more, I think generally though, most children who swear a lot hear it at home so are just copying what the adults are doing.

I know people are saying about it being part of growing up but I'd discourage it if you can.

anomaly23 · 09/02/2023 18:05

My ds swears, I don't mind him swearing. Ds knows when it is and isn't appropriate to swear.

Rummikub · 09/02/2023 18:07

Blueberrywitch · 09/02/2023 17:21

This seems like an incredibly sensible approach which I am going to copy!

Show quote history

Thank you!

I have no idea how it came to me but it does seem to have worked. As pp said it takes the shine off.

It started because dd1 asked me what a particular word meant. So I explained then had a chat about it. She asked me if she could say “shit” - I said sure. She did and that was that. I also discussed the power in swearing if you don’t swear a lot.

Mariposista · 09/02/2023 18:17

At that age the kid is clearly doing it for attention. She reckons it's a big, grown up thing to do. Your child is not going to end up as an uneducated layabout by hearing it. Throughout life she will be exposed to many people who swear. Just tell her it's wrong and correct her if she does use bad language (while not making a huge deal out of it).

DoNotGetADog · 09/02/2023 18:24

I really want to know which “b-word” as well!

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 09/02/2023 18:31

Who would you say something to? The school or the girls parents. Either way I wouldn't bother. Establish your own rules around your DD swearing and let her know what the consequences will be if she breaks your rules. Also remind her that is she swears at school and gets caught you'll go with however the school decide to deal with it. Not uncommon at this age.

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