anyone been ghosted by childminder/nanny? why?

[MyCousinsNotVinny]

My SIL has just been ghosted by her childminder/part time nanny. It put her in a really difficult position because she was due to go to work and the childminder didn't turn up at her home. Prior to this there had been no problem very reliable. Working for her for about 4 months for 2 full days a week. Appeared to get on very well with the children and no discernable issues.

She texted and called the nanny and got a response saying sorry didn't think I was scheduled for you today [ie. still able to respond & not in hospital]. Then after texting to confirm times for next few days, got no reply. Called her left 3 VM over 5 days and no response at all. Last one she specifically asked her to let her know what had happened and if there was any problems as she was keen to resolve them.

SIL who is anxious person anyway is tied up in knots about this. She's worse than when you are younger and into a guy and he ghosts you. She is absolutely obsessing about it being her fault and that she must have done something to upset her - because before this nanny was v professional and very reliable.

SIL is a single mother so nanny would have known she was really dropping her it in it.

I said to her she probably got a more profitable job -but she says doesn't explain why she'd not respond to tell me she wasn't coming back even if it was a polite brush off.

Has this ever happened to anyone? Why would someone do this if they are a reliable professional and just totally stop responding?

My friend was a nanny and did similar and honestly I didn't blame her at the time. The mother of the kids was awful. It just got to a point going into work became awful for her and the thought of going in just as bad. She did leave a message though, saying she wouldn't be in that day and would not be coming back.
I'm sure sis in law is very nice, but sometimes even though the employer is happy, the nanny isn't, and it just becomes unbearable for them. If sis in law is anxious maybe it was making the nanny's job difficult. Who knows?
I hope she sorts it out and finds someone else.

It's strange if there definitely haven't been any issues. Has SIL always picked up on time, paid on time, provided everything required for the children?

I'd put it down to a better job offer or perhaps some kind of health issue or personal issue. Either way, it's very unprofessional and rude not to communicate at all.

Your SIL just needs to stop worrying and get different childcare in place.

It's totally unprofessional and I'd be sure to broadcast it very very loudly across childcare groups etc which she is undoubtedly a member of and so will other prospective parents

Firstly, and sorry to be pedantic, if the childcare is coming to the house then she's a nanny. A childminder works from her own home and has different qualification requirements and oversight.

Did your SIL have a contract with her nanny? If so, what was the requirement for notice etc? Was the nanny employed by your SIL or self-employed?

If your SIL has done all she can to speak to the nanny and resolve things then she can quietly move on and find a new nanny. Encourage her to employ directly and draw up a fair contract (an agency could help and/or a payroll company like Nanny PAYE).

Can your SIL be completely honest with herself and figure out if she may have made the nanny's job more difficult? Sometimes anxious parents can come off as controlling or micro-managing and that makes a nanny's job pretty unbearable.
Of course, there is the alternative that the nanny simply found a better job and went about it in a very immature and unprofessional way. Noone except the nanny can say for sure.

I'm really sorry this happened to her, though....

But absolutely do not do this. This is also incredibly immature and unprofessional.

I know nannies who could "broadcast very, very loudly" how awfully they have been treated by families but, you know, taking down an individual is never a kind or honourable thing to do.
You have no idea why the nanny left.

Why would someone do this if they are a reliable professional and just totally stop responding?

Literally no-one here will have any idea why she did that, and even if they had a similar experience the reasons behind it would likely be different for the individual concerned.

Did your SIL have a contract?

I would do the same. How unprofessional.

I don't think she should "broadcast loudly" about this. The nanny hasn't behaved professionally in this instance and it's really inconvenienced your SIL, but we have no idea what went on and your SIL wasn't actually hurt or harmed by this nanny. Loudly broadcasting is just a nasty overreaction that could have harsh consequences for the nanny who could, for all we know, be dealing with something huge in her personal life leading to her unprofessionalism. It's simply not worth it.

Was this a genuine employment with your SIL paying tax and pension, or just a casual arrangement?

SIL had a contract but the nanny (Sorry not au fait with the difference between child minder as explained above) was self employed not a full time employee of the household as she was doing 2 days a week. It was a formal contract arrangement not casual but not an employee.

To those suggesting she bad mouth this woman broadcast on her socials no way would she do that.

Literally no-one here will have any idea why she did that, and even if they had a similar experience the reasons behind it would likely be different for the individual concerned.

@SleeplessInEngland yes I get that but human nature is what it is so the probability is that if it's happened to her its happened to other people and if its happened to other people for various reasons, probability is that one or more maybe applicable here. Was just looking for ideas or others experiences really to suggest to put her mind at rest well that won't happen - calm her anxiety a bit is more like it.

Just to add the issue giving her anxiety is not so much she left which isn't great but that she just didnt tell her it was happening, didn't respond to reasonable questions about why and just was silent and ghosting. It's that that is causing the anxiety - why would she just not message or speak to her. She's said to me in almost exactly these words am I so horrible that not only does she not want to work for me but she can't even bring herself to let me know that she was leaving or even give me a brush-off made up but acceptable reason. what have i done type stuf..

I feel like sil has done something because I can honestly say if this happened to me I wouldn’t give it this much head space unless I had a guilty conscience

Nannies can only truly be self employed if they work for more than one family. Or if they work a lot of temp arrangements. It’s not usual for a nanny to be self employed actually. So I’m curious to know if this was a proper formal arrangement. She definitely wasn’t a childminder as a PP has pointed out.

Yeah I'm another one who is curious about the arrangement. Whether working part time or full time makes no difference, it sounds like she was a nanny and shouldn't have been under a self employed contract. Where did you sister find her? I wonder if she claimed to be working as self-employed to tax dodge. Possibly got the offer of more money elsewhere so she's off.

If you suffer with anxiety unfortunately it's pretty normal to give pretty much everything way too much headspace😞

This does sound like a fairly casual cash in hand arrangement to be honest, so the nanny probably just found another job.