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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it's impossible to come second so many times?

16 replies

romilly31 · 09/02/2023 10:06

I'm trying desperately to get a new job and over the last three months have had thirteen interviews for a range of roles at all kinds of places. The feedback is always "you were a close second", or "one other candidate scored higher but it was very close".

Is this just a thing they say to make you feel better? I actually feel worse. I just had my 13th rejection minutes ago and the man said, "There was just one answer that you underperformed on, if that went differently, I would probably be telling you that you had the job" Surely you cant come second thirteen times! I feel like I was shit in every one and they are all just humouring me.

OP posts:

UniversalTruth · 09/02/2023 10:10

I'm sorry it wasn't good news for you today.

When I call candidates who weren't successful I only say they were a close second if it's true, and I do it so they would consider applying in future for another position because I would be happy to employ them, they just didn't score highly enough on the day. I'm not an HR person though if that makes a difference.

Is there somewhere you can go for interview coaching?

CrazyCorgi · 09/02/2023 10:10

Do you ever ask for detailed feedback on which question exactly it was? I don’t mean grill them bat just ask if they could spare a couple of minutes to let you know which question(s) you could improve on. I did this with a job o was desperate for and what do you know, I got the next one I interviewed for. It was something so ridiculous that they were really splitting hairs on.

CrazyCorgi · 09/02/2023 10:11

I went for 15 jobs BTW, so I feel your pain!

Bluebellsand · 09/02/2023 10:19

I'm sorry you feeling this way op. The job market is brutal. It is not as easy as many people make it seem.

A lot of times it is not you, it is them. Don't lose momentum. Rejection hurts.

JennyForeigner · 09/02/2023 10:19

I feel for you because I have just come out of recruitment processes where I invested a huge amount of time and twice got 'you were so nearly appointed but...' I really asked about it, because I just don't want to keep investing at that level if the roles are wrong for me or it's not going to work out. The recruitment agents said that's not how it works and I can take the feedback on faith.

What I did figure out is that I am the candidate where it takes just a bit more courage. I have very young twins and am post mat-leave. Both times the panel seemed to really like me but went on to appoint someone male, a bit stale and older. And I honestly don't think better.

Is there something that might be similar for you? If so, I think you have to hang on tight, believe you were the best candidate and wait for the right employer. It's really hard though, and chips away at your self-esteem.

Dragonfly909 · 09/02/2023 10:20

Similar has happened to my partner. Our theory is he's losing out to an internal candidate each time as this is quite common in that sector. Probably someone who was already doing a similar role and would have to do pretty badly in the interview not to get it. They have to follow process and advertise the role externally but its pretty much a waste of everyone's time!

Nimbostratus100 · 09/02/2023 10:21

well, if it makes you feel any better, I have been turned down for dozens of jobs over the years, and very rarely been told I was close second!

Original poster

romilly31 · 09/02/2023 10:23

@CrazyCorgi Yes, I always ask. He said that the other candidate just went into more depth when they were asked what they would expect their first week in the role to look like and their answer just scored more highly. Other feedback I have gotten is that I had to be prompted on one answer but all of my answers about my experience and skills were great. Most of the other times I was told there was nothing wrong with my answers and they would have hired me but one candidate just performed better.

OP posts:

Dwellingbuyingdilemma · 09/02/2023 10:24

I feel your pain but if it helps I went for nearly 30 jobs and on a whim threw my hat in for a job well above my level of experience and twice my salary expectations, I got the job. I hope the same happens for you

Lakeyloo · 09/02/2023 10:57

Sorry to hear you are being pipped to the post. It is disheartening but keep going, you are obviously doing a lot right. You'll get something and you will look back and be glad that the others didn't happen.

If you are getting feedback that you weren't going into enough depth, have a look at the STAR interview technique on line. There's loads of info and it will help you keep your answers concise, but with enough detail. Best of luck OP.

youreallyarefantastic · 09/02/2023 10:59

I can relate so much; I've had interviews for countless jobs recently and always got the same feedback ' you are a perfect fit for this job, but another candidate has more experience' - surely they know this before the interview process!

I try to look at it as a numbers game rather than anything personal. Say 50 people apply for each vacancy, if you get an interview then you're doing pretty good. If each job has 15 interviewees then you have a 1/15 chance of getting the job. It sounds like you're qualified, applying for the right level jobs, and getting mostly good feedback so keep going and you'll get one!

My sector is quite niche so I estimated 5-10 interviewees per post. I got offered jobs for both my 7th and 8th interview, you just have to hang in there and not take it too personally (which is easier said than done I know). Good luck!

SilverHydrangea · 09/02/2023 11:25

I have done lots of interviews and agree with the earlier poster that I would only tell someone they were a close second if it was true. Sometimes the calibre of people being interviewed means it can come down to the smallest margin. On occasion I have also gone back to a close second when the person initially offered a post has not gone ahead, or in one case left after only a couple of months due to unexpected circumstances. We can go back to appointable candidates within 3 months without having to reinterview.
You are clearly performing consistently well in interviews so don't give up. Maybe explore a coaching session to see if there is anything in your interview style/technique that you can refine to nudge you up to being the preferred candidate. Good luck OP.

Original poster

romilly31 · 09/02/2023 11:54

Thank you all for your kind messages. It's good to know that they most likely aren't just saying it. I am going to keep going, even though it feels utterly depressing.

OP posts:

Blueberrywitch · 09/02/2023 12:01

For what it’s worth I’ve never been told I’m a close second so I don’t think this is just something that people say. I have been on the interviewer side though and we did say this to a candidate that was genuinely the close second (and who we wished we had hired in the end after the first choice turned out not to be as good as expected!).

Agree on the STAR answer method, this will ensure you are answering to a good level of detail. Ensure you have STAR examples for each part of the job description.

Agree that maybe you are seen as a more courage required candidate, if this is the case and you can work out why this might be then you can craft your answers to address their concerns.

Original poster

romilly31 · 09/02/2023 12:12

I do use STAR but I think perhaps in the wrong places if that makes sense. In the interview I just got a rejection from I was asked "Tell me about yourself and what skills you have for this role" as one question. I did use STAR on that but on reflection I think they were looking for a more descriptive answer. I did also see that they had a checklist with bullet point listed words infront of them and they were ticking them off. I think I should have paid more attention to that. I think I also have some trouble when the wording of the question isn't as expected.

My confidence is quite low atm so I think that may be coming across too. I have noticed everyone I am interviewed by tends to be very outgoing.

I'm not sure that it's a case of the internal candidate or at least there has been no indication of that. I'm not sure I'm the courage candidate but they may not want to tell me that! I have a degree in Biology but have mostly worked in PR or financial roles. I am applying everywhere that has transferable skills. I'm 32 so maybe they are wondering why I have mostly stayed in junior roles?. I have been applying for everything entry level up. The feedback has always been about my interview rather than my qualifications or experience. I have a 2 y/o DC but no CV gap so I don't think they would know.

OP posts:

Dwellingbuyingdilemma · 09/02/2023 13:36

Can you take some time to do some post grad qualifications in your field via something like the open university? Try and make yourself more marketable

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