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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my childhood may have caused my currently poor mental health

8 replies

popcorndog · 08/02/2023 21:41

I'm in my early-mid 20s. I'd never had mental health problems as such growing up (although I did struggle emotionally at times with certain things) but it was only really when covid struck that my mental health was badly affected. I was prescribed antidepressants and started going to therapy.

Initially I thought it was all related to the pandemic as when it started I had some very stressful experiences, especially in the early stages of the crisis. But actually as I have progressed in counselling I think the groundwork for poor mental health was probably laid in childhood and then the pandemic was simply the trigger that made it all come to the surface.

Growing up I was always a "good" child who didn't cause any trouble and who worked hard at school. I was pretty shy, stayed under the radar. But actually I think this was my way of dealing with one angry and volatile parent and another upset hurting parent. I didn't want to rock the boat, and I still don't at times. I had quite an isolated childhood, I had friends at school but no family beyond the immediate and no family friends. My parents separated from each other and they didn't have any friends to speak of. We never really had anyone round to our house, apart from the odd friend from school. Nobody checked if I was ok and I just kept my head down and got on with things.

I now struggle to express my own needs and am currently struggling with depression and some anxiety. While I don't want to get stuck in this place I feel it is important to acknowledge the impact that my childhood must have had on me. AIBU to think it's no wonder that my mental health has now been affected by it? I am determined not to take on a victim mentality and hope that my mental health will improve and I will overcome my experience, but I also want to validate my pain and struggle growing up.

OP posts:
chocolateisavegetable · 08/02/2023 22:05

I have had a lot of therapy, including long-term group therapy, and most people I met there were there mainly due to their childhood

Goodread1 · 08/02/2023 22:09

drgabormate.com/book/

Hi Op

I can definitely relate to realisation on how having a fuked up (Dysfunctional) childhood, destabilise you emotionally in all sorts of far reaching ways,

I have sent you a online link of renounced Psychologyist and Author/public speaker
He is known as a Human whisper,
He is very enlightening on how Dysfunctional childhoods and traumas, effect us in all sorts of ways and how to start healing ect,
Societies attitudes to minimise downplay or dismissive how that can compounds,individuals people feeling isolated, hence can lead to addictions /self harming and other Dysfunctional ways of coping such as toxic relationship ect,
His life goal is to enlighten societies about this,
Dr Gabor Mate is his name,

He had a really shit childhood experiences growing up in the Holocaust ect ,Cause of his experiences and how it affected him, he became interested in psychology ect

He has done YouTube talks,
I think he could have done a Ted Talk on youtube aswell

Goodread1 · 08/02/2023 22:11

Hi Op

You can get his books on all good book shs /good websites Amazon ect

Janedoelondon · 08/02/2023 22:13

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Goodread1 · 08/02/2023 22:18

www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/18693771

Another well known Author on helping to understand enlighten on how our emotions through experiences of Trauma can affect our physical well being too and how to start the process of improving our well being in healthier ways

His famous for book The title How the body keeps Score

Here's another website link Op

UnicorseTime · 08/02/2023 22:19

Gabor mate and body keeps the score are 2 I keep having recommended to me. I havent had concentration span to go further though!

BabyOnBoard90 · 08/02/2023 22:29

Trauma experienced in childhood is not your fault, but the healing and recovery is your responsibility.

As someone who had a complicated childhood, I've had to make peace with the fact that I can't blame the experience for my problems - as it doesn't absolve me of ownership.

Janedoelondon · 08/02/2023 22:36

BabyOnBoard90 · 08/02/2023 22:29

Trauma experienced in childhood is not your fault, but the healing and recovery is your responsibility.

As someone who had a complicated childhood, I've had to make peace with the fact that I can't blame the experience for my problems - as it doesn't absolve me of ownership.

While I understand the sentiment here, healing and recovery isn't clear cut. Sometimes, despite all of the effort you put in, you will never be able to fully 'recover' - more to apply techniques which allow you to live with your condition. I agree it doesn't absolve you of ownership, but it can explain why you might feel/behave a certain way, which can be helpful when processing feelings.

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