To be petrified of giving birth?

[SunshineLoop]

I’ve already done it once and survived but I lost a lot of blood during labour and it nearly became an emcs situation. Baby was born just as they were prepping me.

I am terrified of doing it again. I’m absolutely convinced I will die. The stats of how many woman in the UK die giving birth aren’t exactly reassuring either. (12 in 100,000).

How can I calm myself down and get over the absolute terror?

Are you pregnant again OP? What happened last time can I ask?

Have you spoken to your MW/doctor about the possibility of an elective section?

Are you in England?
There are new mental health services being set up specifically to help with birth trauma. Can you try to find your local one and ask your GP to refer you?

No not pregnant yet but we are trying. I want to be excited because I’m desperate for a baby. I’m mostly bloody scared though.

Last time there were concerns the baby was not going to fit through my pelvis and labour seemed to stall. I also had a lot of bleeding. They decided they needed to get him out quick. But then he was born naturally.

Since then I have had a LEEP procedure on my cervix and know from the Gynaecologist there is scaring as a result of it. I’m even more worried about dilating the next time because of it.

Would an elective C-section be a better option, mentally?

An elective would be better mentally, yes. I think it puts me at even higher risk of bleeding though so not sure they would let me.

Sounds like an elective section could be an option to explore?

Speak to medical professional about a c section.

Look at hynobirthing

Stop panicking as there is so much that can be done

You need to speak to a professional and understand the type of bleeding you had, a haemorrhage isn't bleeding from a wound and a section wouldn't put you at more risk of this. There are many options available, start talking through your preferences and understand what happened instead of thinking the worst

It sounds like you could benefit from some counselling OP. Did you have a post birth review? Do you know what went wrong and what the medical chances of it happening again are?

I was the same as you . I would 100% go for an ECS but be prepared to stand your ground. Fortunately both my GP and my consultant, although I never actually saw him face to face, were very supportive.

You have secondary tokophobia. It's a real condition caused by birth trauma.

What you need to do seek medical help. A friend of mine had similar problems and was able to get a debrief of your birth.

I believe that many women in this situation (it's not as uncommon as you think) need extra support. The research into this suggests that these women, with the right support might initially prefer a CS but tend to learn to trust their team and many do go on to have a VB which they are happy to attempt.

Key point is this is a mental health issue. It's legitimate so do try and seek help.

For me it doesn’t feel like a mental health issue. It feels like giving birth is still a really risky/ dangerous thing for a woman to do. And so actually fearing it is entirely rational and appropriate. I’ve never had anxiety before. I suppose people with health anxiety would say they same thing though

It’s entirely understandable for you to be nervous, or even scared. A totally healthy reaction to something we know is very painful, a bit unpredictable and occasionally dangerous. Please focus on the fact that 12 in 100,000 is 0.0001%, many of those women will have complex health issues such as heart problems or cancer.

Focus on what you can control. Are you happy with the quality of maternity care at your assigned hospital? If not you’re completely within your rights to choose another one. the maternity scandal stories lately haven’t helped, I’m quite stoic but even I’m a bit wary of giving birth next month.

As someone who had primary tokophobia I don't disagree. However I do believe that you can manage it emotionally better and physically better if you are given the right mental health support. Statisically (and looking at this very dryly) having given birth via a vb first time around, statisically risk is now stacked up against you more for an ELCS. Its stuff like having a robust birth plan and earlier intervention which you are better in control of, will help.

My friend who had an ELCS following and EMCS found the whole experience second time around a lot better just because of the mental health / support approach they had.

It can be both though - an amplified reaction to a rational fear.

The bit that stood out to me in your OP was when you said “I’m absolutely convinced I will die”. That’s a bit different to feeling worried/anxious/scared like many women probably do.

If you really do feel like this then I think it would be helpful to address the trauma caused by your first birth.

The link below might be helpful to work out whether your fear is more at the “severe” end.

www.nct.org.uk/pregnancy/how-you-might-be-feeling/fear-childbirth-and-tokophobia

I don't blame you.I had an awful birthday and wish to god I'd had a c section.

birth!

Ask for an elective CS and you'll get one.

I don't know. I've heard so many stories of "near misses" for mum and/or baby, but all were fine in the end so I'm not sure how near the misses really were.

I do get where you are coming from, but I would try and find a way forward if you want another baby.....

Please focus on the fact that 12 in 100,000 is 0.0001%

Your maths is wrong, it's 0.012%. Which can also can be expressed as 99.9% of mothers survive pregnancy and birth (because the figures include the whole pregnancy and the first six weeks of the babies life). Maternal mortality in the UK is slightly lower than the OP suggested, the latest figures (2022) I can find say 10.9 per 100000, it was quite a bit lower prepandemic so I'd expect it to drop again at some point. This is comparable with other western countries (much better than the US which has shockingly high rates post partum).

@JaninaDuszejko bizarrely these stats have made me feel better. Especially when considering it is not just taking childbirth into account. I know that sounds non sensical.

OP, with the events of your first birth, your medical team will be extra watchful and working to prevent it happening again. There are no guarantees in birth but your second birth may be entirely different.

I don't know what effec the LEAP procedure has but I'm sure your medical staff can address it. You may be a candidate for a c-section.

Birth is never risk free but those risks can be well managed, especially if forewarned. Please talk to your medical team about your concerns and get actively engaged with making decisions to make your next birth the best possible experience for you.