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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To speak to the cafe owner about this.

78 replies

Heathcote294 · 08/02/2023 10:51

I walk my dog about twice a week in the countryside, on my own.

I park in a narrow lay-by, walk around the lake and then return to the car. If I follow the road (single track) in the direction I came in on it will take me around 3 miles to be able to turn onto a main road and then return home.

There's a cafe next to the lake that I frequently go to after my walk when it's open. It's currently out of season but the gates/carpark remain open as they have some holiday let's on the site. Instead of doing the extra 3 miles along the single track lane I turn around at the cafe. I dont drive fully into the carpark, I just put my front half of the car onto the drive and the reverse back so that I'm facing in the right direction for home.

The road is too narrow to do a 3 point turn and the narrow lay by I park in is sloped and muddy.
The only other turning spot is a busy working farm which I'd never use.

I know the owners to say hello to and I know they employ a man to do maintenance on the property let's. On 3 occasions now this man has been stood by the cafe as I turn the car around. He has stared absolute daggers at me and shook his head as I've done the manoover. He is it again yesterday.

You have to walk past the front of the cafe to get around the lake. I find this man really intimidating.

Am I in the wrong for doing this manoover in my car? I'm thinking of letting the cafe owners know that this man is putting me off using their cafe in the future and actually making me nervous of doing this lake walk altogether.

However, if I'm in the wrong then I obviously won't and I'll stop turning there. I just don't see what harm I'm doing when it's a business, not a private residence, the carpark is open and I'm not even driving up to the cafe.

To speak to the cafe owner about this.
OP posts:
Original poster
Heathcote294 · 08/02/2023 12:40

Cococomellonn · 08/02/2023 12:35

If the owners are such lovely people, talk to them. Ask permission to use their carpark.

This.

Also I don't understand what you mean by "I know the owners" as you've made it sound like they're your friends but also in your OP you explain it as though you know them in passing i.e. you are customer of their shop rather than a friend of the owners and they say hello to you when they see you as they recognise you as a customer.

I don't see why this makes you think you have any more rights than their employee who probably knows them better than you do...

Please can you quote where I've made it sound like the owners are my friends so I can explain. I cant find what you're referring to.

OP posts:
PizzaPastaWine · 08/02/2023 12:42

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Get a grip.

OP came here for opinions on the lane issue and not a spelling test.

pattihews · 08/02/2023 12:46

Meceme · 08/02/2023 11:21

Is the 'narrow lay-by' you are parking in actually a lay-by or a passing place for this 3 mile single track lane? I live rurally and we often get people parking in passing places which makes life difficult for others.

Yes, this! The area where I live is plagued by dog-walkers parking up in passing spaces and making life difficult for local traffic.

If I'd had to reverse 200m down a narrow lane in order to let a farm vehicle get through because some townie twerp had parked in a passing space I would give that townie twerp a piece of my mind as well as a basilisk stare if they then reversed in my driveway. It wouldn't be because they were reversing on my driveway, it would be because they'd parked so inconsiderately.

Original poster
Heathcote294 · 08/02/2023 12:46

Figmentof · 08/02/2023 12:40

So how do you think other vehicles and farm machinery would be able to pass each other on the single track road if the passing spot is being used for parking?

I am absolutely baffled that you think you can park wherever you want just because there is a gate a notice about wildlife. Have you ever been to the countryside before? It is full of walks that are signed, it doesn’t mean you can park by the sign. 🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

I've been walking there for a few years now and I've never seen the road blocked, I've never come across any farm machinery. If a car does need to pass there's enough room for both cars to move up onto the grass verge and get through. There's always another car parked in the lay by, often the same cars so they must be locals also parking there. I live in the countryside, I do understand how passing places work and I didn't think this was one until someone suggested it on here.

OP posts:
Original poster
Heathcote294 · 08/02/2023 12:48

pattihews · 08/02/2023 12:46

Yes, this! The area where I live is plagued by dog-walkers parking up in passing spaces and making life difficult for local traffic.

If I'd had to reverse 200m down a narrow lane in order to let a farm vehicle get through because some townie twerp had parked in a passing space I would give that townie twerp a piece of my mind as well as a basilisk stare if they then reversed in my driveway. It wouldn't be because they were reversing on my driveway, it would be because they'd parked so inconsiderately.

Show quote history

Thanks for the insult. Totally unnecessary.

I forget how many vile people there are on MN.

OP posts:
Trinidading3 · 08/02/2023 12:49

Give him a toot toot of the car horn and a wave goodbye each time he does this......and absolutely do not feel intimidated by him....!!💪

Quveas · 08/02/2023 12:50

Meceme · 08/02/2023 11:21

Is the 'narrow lay-by' you are parking in actually a lay-by or a passing place for this 3 mile single track lane? I live rurally and we often get people parking in passing places which makes life difficult for others.

This.

If the road is too narrow to turn around, then I believe you are parking in a passing place which is going to annoy a lot of people.

gogohmm · 08/02/2023 12:50

I would make sure its really for parking, we have a couple of single track roads where people park, last week the police arranged towing of two cars out of a passing place as they were hanging into the road too and a tractor couldn't pass

Original poster
Heathcote294 · 08/02/2023 12:54

OK just to clarify because I'm getting a lot of repeated replies.

A appreciate that I may be parking in a passing place. I dont know. I've said I'm going to stop doing this walk until the cafe reopens for the season and then I can park in the carpark, speak to the owners and find out if they believe the lay by is indeed for parking or for passing. If it is for passing then I'll ask if I can park next to the cafe and if the don't like people turning there then I'll stop doing that particular walk altogether.

OP posts:
pattihews · 08/02/2023 12:58

I'm not vile: if I'd wanted to be vile I wouldn't have used the phrase townie twerp. I'm a woman who lives down a narrow lane and I've had to reverse literally hundreds of times because inconsiderate people park in the passing places despite the fact that the locals have put up signs saying No Parking and This Is a Passing Space, Please Don't Park.

People who don't live here have no idea of the inconvenience and stress it causes. There was one day last year when someone had parked a very wide camper van badly in the passing place and had effectively blocked the lane to anything wider than a Kia Piccanto, which managed to squeeze past. The police had to come out because the little hamlet where I live has only one way in or out and we were trapped.

AdobeWanKenobi · 08/02/2023 13:01

This reply has been withdrawn

Message withdrawn as it references a deleted post.

Original poster
Heathcote294 · 08/02/2023 13:07

pattihews · 08/02/2023 12:58

I'm not vile: if I'd wanted to be vile I wouldn't have used the phrase townie twerp. I'm a woman who lives down a narrow lane and I've had to reverse literally hundreds of times because inconsiderate people park in the passing places despite the fact that the locals have put up signs saying No Parking and This Is a Passing Space, Please Don't Park.

People who don't live here have no idea of the inconvenience and stress it causes. There was one day last year when someone had parked a very wide camper van badly in the passing place and had effectively blocked the lane to anything wider than a Kia Piccanto, which managed to squeeze past. The police had to come out because the little hamlet where I live has only one way in or out and we were trapped.

And I'm a woman who has come on here for some advice. I've been polite to everyone. I've admitted that I may well be in the wrong. I would never knowingly cause inconvenience to anyone, it's not in my nature. I've not been defensive over my actions, I've said I'll find out if I'm in the wrong or not and if I am I won't do it again. Instead of just explaining your experience as you did in your 2nd post you've tared me with the same brush as 'some townie twerp'. It was a vile reply that could have actually just been an opportunity to explain to me some of the challenges of rural living that you've experienced. I also live in the countryside but have never faced such difficulties.

OP posts:
GoodChat · 08/02/2023 13:11

OP is there any signage on the car park to say you shouldn't park there if you're not a cafe customer?

Original poster
Heathcote294 · 08/02/2023 13:15

GoodChat · 08/02/2023 13:11

OP is there any signage on the car park to say you shouldn't park there if you're not a cafe customer?

I don't think so but it's always empty when the cafes closed so I wouldn't feel comfortable doing that until I've asked the owners.

OP posts:
longtompot · 08/02/2023 13:55

I wonder if you can find a map of the area which might mark this lay-by as a passing place or just a lay-by? Even just a walking website map might say, they sometimes tell you where to park for the start a walk

Meceme · 08/02/2023 14:44

Heathcote294 · 08/02/2023 12:54

OK just to clarify because I'm getting a lot of repeated replies.

A appreciate that I may be parking in a passing place. I dont know. I've said I'm going to stop doing this walk until the cafe reopens for the season and then I can park in the carpark, speak to the owners and find out if they believe the lay by is indeed for parking or for passing. If it is for passing then I'll ask if I can park next to the cafe and if the don't like people turning there then I'll stop doing that particular walk altogether.

I think this is a good plan. We can all make mistakes but finding out the facts and then acting on them is always appreciated. Hope it all works out well for you.

workiskillingme · 08/02/2023 16:23

Bloody hell what a drama because you want to go for a walk in a particular place 🙄

Moanycowbag · 08/02/2023 19:06

Meceme · 08/02/2023 11:21

Is the 'narrow lay-by' you are parking in actually a lay-by or a passing place for this 3 mile single track lane? I live rurally and we often get people parking in passing places which makes life difficult for others.

This, it sounds like you are parking in a passing place.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 08/02/2023 19:12

He's probably a Mumsnetter who is online right now ordering penguin bollards to sort you out.

Give him a big smile, a wave and an "Alright Bob?" as you make your turn.

WhoNeedsSleepNotISaidMyBody · 08/02/2023 19:18

GoodChat · 08/02/2023 11:04

Do you reverse back onto the road? He probably thinks you're daft for not using the car park to turn around and are instead reversing on to a narrow lane.

@GoodChat

that was my thinking too!

@Heathcote294 go in, turn around properly & drive out. Or. Just park in there when you go for a walk.

ArnoldBee · 08/02/2023 19:20

Can't you talk to him?
It would also be quite funny if it turned out he did actually own the land.

Viviennemary · 08/02/2023 19:26

If it's a private car park he probably doesn't think you should be going in it at all.

FallopianTubeTrain · 08/02/2023 19:27

BloggersBlog · 08/02/2023 11:00

Big smile and a wave next time you see him, but then I'm terribly pass agg when riled by a random man

Exactly this. I am very PA too with silly people

Yep, he'd get a loud and cheery 'good morning' from me every single time. My mum would go in for the full chat and really annoy him (my mum is great)

starlingdarling · 08/02/2023 19:36

I'm another one who would suggest approaching the owners for permission to park. My local council publishes walking routes. There's a village walk I love that's 5 miles long. On the route map it mentions a pub that is ok with walkers using the car park. The first time we went we had lunch then asked at the bar if we were ok to leave the car there while we went on a walk and explained it was the 5 mile route going past certain places. They knew the walk we were on about and waved us off with a "yeah yeah that's fine". After that, we've gone for lunch and just said "we're going on the walk. Our car is the [X] model". We had a chat with owner while he was serving one day. He told us that it's pretty common and they don't mind because most people come for lunch and are back well before dinner so it makes no difference if they leave their cars behind.

Thatboymum · 08/02/2023 19:40

that’s literally emotional blackmail “oh hi cafe owner the man you have employed to take care of the place while closed keeps eyeballing me when I use your private property as a turning ground because I’m too lazy to drive rite round home and it’s making me not want to give you my custom again” like what do you want to achieve from that that’s pathetic