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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Death,vultures and the rest

21 replies

Cinnamongirlinthesand · 08/02/2023 01:16

Apologies MN ladies, this is this a rant but so hacked off right now.
My mum died recently, I'm next of kin,'brother' and I are executors .
When I say brother, I got pregnant at 16, father fucked off, couldn't see him for the hills.
I went through social services re adoption.
Couldn't have a termination on NHS, so my grandma wanted to pay privately, as she said it would ruin my life if pregnancy continued. My father said, if you do that I'll never speak to you again.
I had been offered a place at art college.
Anyhow, went through all the rigmarole of SS, met the lovely foster family before adoption.
Even an infertile friend of my mother wanted to adopt the baby, with her husband but my parents said no way.
When I was 6 mths pregnant my father punched me in the stomach and told me I would never bring 'that bastard' into the family.
Well, once he was born they took over, adopted him behind my back.Had I known I wouldn't have wanted my parents to adopt him.
Back in '74 a 16 yr old had no say. Had he been a girl, they wouldn't have wanted baby.
Now 'brother' is trying to rule the roost. Has taken mums jewellery boxes back to his so his grabby daughter, who couldn't give a flying fuck about her nan when she was alive, can get her sticky fingers on it.
Nothing should have been touched before probate as far as I know but I am talking to a solicitor tomorrow.
I am beyond angry, my mums not even had her funeral yet.
Any advice wise mumsnetters.

OP posts:
Eyerollcentral · 08/02/2023 02:54

So your brother actually your son? Does your son know he is your son? You sound like you hate both him and your daughter.
Next of kin isn’t relevant here. Was there anything of value in the jewellery boxes? Have you spoken to your brother about this? Just ask for the jewellery to be returned

Eyerollcentral · 08/02/2023 02:55

*his daughter

Original poster
Cinnamongirlinthesand · 08/02/2023 03:03

Yes he's known from a very young age.Don't hate any of them and nothing particularly of value , more sentimental. Is a real shit show.

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Original poster
Cinnamongirlinthesand · 08/02/2023 03:03

Don't hate, bloody typos

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Eyerollcentral · 08/02/2023 03:08

If it’s not of any real value there isn’t any point in starting a row over it. If there are pieces you want for sentimental reasons then ask for them.
You sound quite angry towards your son and grand daughter. I know your circumstances are difficult but it’s pretty out of order to describe your grand daughter as a grabby person who didn’t get a flying fuck about her Nan.
What else has made it a shit show? Has he taken anything else?

Liorae · 08/02/2023 03:11

You want the jewelry of the parent who adopted your son behind your back for sentimental reasons?

Original poster
Cinnamongirlinthesand · 08/02/2023 03:12

It's just the way they're grabbing everything with no regard to anyone else.
My granddaughters were in tears earlier as he wouldn't let them have a keepsake, youngest baked a cake and iced it ' for gran in heaven.'
Sorry, just feel so angry right now, all about the money for him.
Well, he and his daughter can have it all. I don't even want to go to the funeral.

I

OP posts:
Original poster
Cinnamongirlinthesand · 08/02/2023 03:14

I don't want anything, they can have it all.I was treated like shit all my life and he's the golden boy.

OP posts:
Eyerollcentral · 08/02/2023 03:17

Surely the house is being divided between you both? Don’t cut off your nose to spite your face re the funeral OP. This must be a difficult time for you bringing up all kinds of issues. Why didn’t you just tell your grand daughter she could have the thing if you are both executors?

Original poster
Cinnamongirlinthesand · 08/02/2023 03:23

Is a difficult situation. Have said she can have whatever is left to her in the will but I don't like the fact that he's take jewellery boxes home for her to go through.As far as I know it should be after probate.Property is left 50/50 but I really don't want it, with all this hassle.Honestly, I'm so exhausted but can't sleep. Just want to walk away from it all.
Thank you for listening.

OP posts:
DDoOneRon · 08/02/2023 03:32

This seems the tip of a very big iceberg of inter-generational trauma to me.
I don’t think AIBU is going to be the support you need.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 08/02/2023 03:32

What a horrid situation! I'm sorry that you've lost your mum... It sounds a complex relationship with her and your wider family.

Morally.. Of course he shouldn't have run off with the jewellery.

Suspect as he's an executor changes it...

One of the roles of executor is to ensure the will is enacted properly....

He's not doing this, assuming the 50;50 division is what she's actually written!

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 08/02/2023 03:34

PS i really really think carefully making any irreversible decisions about going to your mum's funeral, obviously emotions are very high currently.

Original poster
Cinnamongirlinthesand · 08/02/2023 03:38

I have an appointment with solicitor in the morning. Can't quite believe they're behaving like this but if they want everyhing, so be it.Let them have it.
I have a letter from mum, worried they would be like this.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cinnamongirlinthesand · 08/02/2023 03:40

@IamtheDevilsAvocado
I know, I'm just so tired, can't remember when I last slept properly

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Original poster
Cinnamongirlinthesand · 08/02/2023 03:42

@Liorae I don't want it, just don't want the rest of my family to be treated this way

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Original poster
Cinnamongirlinthesand · 08/02/2023 03:51

@Eyerollcentral Virtually the moment mun died, they were in the property, taking whatever they liked.The granddaughter didn't give her the time of day whist alive, now thinks she's entitled.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 08/02/2023 05:14

That sounds incredibly distressing. I'm sorry you're so hurt and were treated so badly all those years ago

Cherrysoup · 08/02/2023 07:19

Change the locks. What does the will say?

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 08/02/2023 08:50

Cinnamongirlinthesand · 08/02/2023 03:38

I have an appointment with solicitor in the morning. Can't quite believe they're behaving like this but if they want everyhing, so be it.Let them have it.
I have a letter from mum, worried they would be like this.

Do show thr letter to the lawyer so they're aware of your mum's worries... And hopefully they can give you advice re dealing with your brother.

Id also tell them that hour grandchildren were upset as they wanted a memento from your mums jewellery.

Also... Suspect its hour grief and tiredness talking... Do you REALLY want him to have everything (he wants!). Id not let him.... It was your mum's wish all assets were divided in half?

Please ask lawyer what this looks like in practise?

Original poster
Cinnamongirlinthesand · 10/02/2023 20:51

Solicitor app booked for Monday.Just want this whole distasteful mess sorted out.
Thanks to everyone who responded.

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