AIBU to tell “friends” to back off?

[Tartantutu]

Partner of 25years has been diagnosed with MND and is going through a terrible time as a result (as am I as it’s something we’re obviously going through together).
She has been very unwell since and on the rare times she has been back to normal for a while we have decided to make the most of this time together by doing things or going on holiday. My partner, I’ll call her Laura, just wants family and friends to treat her as normal.
However, here’s the thing. One friend and her husband are really pissing her off (and me) but she won’t say anything to them thus perpetuating their behaviour. They visit far more than they ever did, they complain that we don’t message them with info on her condition regularly, they keep spending large sums of money on “presents” for Laura which she doesn’t want. If Laura happens to show an interest in something it’s bought, whether she wants it or not. They are her friends and have been since they were at school together, so a long time. They never ask about me or how I am (not that that matters to me) but the wife can be particularly horrible to me verbally and so I pretty much ignore her. Problem is Laura is understandably frightened about her illness, the future and us and their behaviour is only making her more stressed out.
AIBU to expect Laura to tell them how they are making her feel?
I can’t do it because they never listen to anything I say.
Thanks in advance.

You need to stand up for your partner here. She may not have the strength or be alert enough to tell them how she feels, so it's on you. They don't listen? MAKE them listen. If they still don't listen? Kick them out of your house and don't invite them back until the message sinks in. Block/mute their numbers on both of your phones if they start harrassing via text or Facetime.

It doesn't sound like they're being purposely horrible, but you need to stick up for your partner of 25 years and in no uncertain terms tell them to back the fuck up.

You need to be her backbone here and properly tell them. The last thing she needs is confrontation and them crowding her.

They probably think they are acting with the best intentions but it's clearly not working. Just have a quiet word with them and sat you appreciate their efforts but you and Laura prefer to have time together alone to process this awful news. If they don't take the hint, be more forceful with your words x

My dad was diagnosed with MND in May. It is a truly cruel condition. Say something to these friends. The time your partner has left needs to be the best quality time.

"Dear Friends, I know you have best of intentions but can you please stop texting so much. Let Laura update who she wants to when she feels up to it. Please stop buying presents. It's overwhelming. Thankyou Tartan "

Yet obviously they deeply care for her, and may see themselves as part of her life as she has known them for so long, much longer than you.

I wouldn’t say anything. Reply to the texts as and when and ignore the gifts. Coming from you it may come across as controlling if you say anything. Laura could tell them herself if she wants to.

You might feel overwhelmed now understandably, but in the months and years ahead old and trusted friends may offer invaluable support, I would not alienate them.

YABU to "expect" Laura to tell them how she is feeling (or how you are feeling?).

By all means you can tell them you think they are overstepping, but you can't make your DP fall out with them if she chooses not to do so.

How are things going for you both?

I have thought about this thread on and off as I have friend with MND who, like 'Laura', doesn't want to talk about it or join groups "just to see the miserable path of deterioration, no thanks" (her words). I have tried to follow her lead, but sometimes feel like I am not 'doing enough'.

I'd be quite releived to be guided by her partner to be honest.

And also - thoughts with you. People forget the mental load partners carry.