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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be scared of public transport?

24 replies

JamSandle · 07/02/2023 17:52

I've become scared of public transport and want to know if I'm the only one.

Most trips on public transport are fine but I've been a victim of crimes on pt and also witnessed them.

At the moment there's a spate of muggings at knife point going on near my area and I'm terrified to use pt.

I dont drive and couldn't afford to always take ubers but I feel public transport is becoming less safe? Adding to the fact its expensive and crowded. I also think a lot of people treat pt like they're living room - feet on chairs, loud phone calls, smelly food, music out loud. It stresses me out.

Am I being unreasonable or not?.

OP posts:
Keyansier · 07/02/2023 18:12

If you're genuinely scared then of course YANBU but unless you learn to drive or you spend your money on ubers all the time then you need to find a way to deal with it. It sounds like you're anxious in general though, as feet on chairs, loud music and food that smells isn't anywhere near the same level as getting mugged and stabbed. Could you learn to drive? Are you learning to drive?

Original poster
JamSandle · 07/02/2023 18:14

The food/feet on chairs stuff is more of an annoyance, but the crime on pt is a real fear for me in my area atm. I want to learn to drive but atm there are other costs to consider. Unless I can get someone to let me have lessons in there car.

OP posts:
watchfulwishes · 07/02/2023 18:15

How much crime is there in your area generally?

I use public transport all the time but live in an area that is generally crime free.

The things like food, feet on seats, annoying music happen of course, but those things are not a big issue for me. Annoying but not stressful IYSWIM.

Don't be too hard on yourself, you can't help being afraid Flowers

emmathedilemma · 07/02/2023 18:15

There’s a different between stressed out about people playing music etc and being scared for your safety. I agree with you in the former, it’s disgusting that people are so self centred that they think everyone wants to listen to their YouTube video, but are your safety fears really justified?

Itsrudemeghan · 07/02/2023 18:15

YANBU before I could drive public transport actively made me anxious. Loads of anti social behaviour in my local area on buses and trains, especially at night and at weekends. My sister was sexually assaulted on a bus as a teenager.

Original poster
JamSandle · 07/02/2023 18:16

It's hit and miss. My area is a bit of a pass through place so lots of people coming and going. The knife crime seems to be school-age boys.

OP posts:
Teeshirt · 07/02/2023 18:16

Where do you live? I’m in London and I think public transport has a great. I’d rather travel by public transport than take an Uber or by car. I feel safer on public transport because there are people around.

Original poster
JamSandle · 07/02/2023 18:17

emmathedilemma · 07/02/2023 18:15

There’s a different between stressed out about people playing music etc and being scared for your safety. I agree with you in the former, it’s disgusting that people are so self centred that they think everyone wants to listen to their YouTube video, but are your safety fears really justified?

I'm not afraid of the music etc. I just find it rude.

But in the past I've been attacked on pt, I've witnessed attacks on pt and there's a current spate of crimes on a line I regularly use.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 07/02/2023 18:17

The food/feet on seats etc is a common affliction where people mistake the bus/train/waiting room for their living room- I see that all the time

Are you generally anxious about things?

Original poster
JamSandle · 07/02/2023 18:18

Teeshirt · 07/02/2023 18:16

Where do you live? I’m in London and I think public transport has a great. I’d rather travel by public transport than take an Uber or by car. I feel safer on public transport because there are people around.

Also London area but I don't want to say exactly where.

OP posts:
Original poster
JamSandle · 07/02/2023 18:19

Shoxfordian · 07/02/2023 18:17

The food/feet on seats etc is a common affliction where people mistake the bus/train/waiting room for their living room- I see that all the time

Are you generally anxious about things?

Yes, fairly.

OP posts:
Motheranddaughtertotwo · 07/02/2023 18:20

I actually had CBT for this. I live in an area with high rates of antisocial crimes and as a driver I rarely had to use PT so when I did I was petrified, I honestly saw everyone as a potential threat. CBT and exposure therapy (short journeys first during times that have the amount of people you’re comfortable with and then building it up) helped lots for me. Also, doing the journeys a couple of times with friends made me feel less vulnerable.

Teeshirt · 07/02/2023 18:22

The food thing is annoying, plus other examples of some antisocial behaviour-mansplaining etc - but I don’t generally think of it as unsafe. I’ve had the odd instance on buses, but it’s rare.

Teeshirt · 07/02/2023 18:25

I would find an Uber worse -being alone trapped in a car with a driver. And driving also would be worse -too much opportunity for accidents.

Original poster
JamSandle · 07/02/2023 18:28

Teeshirt · 07/02/2023 18:25

I would find an Uber worse -being alone trapped in a car with a driver. And driving also would be worse -too much opportunity for accidents.

Ubers have cameras in now and I take a photo of the license plate and have my journey tracked. I do mainly use pt though - I just don't like doing it.

OP posts:
SpinningFloppa · 07/02/2023 18:32

I’m in London and no I don’t feel like this I get the bus daily never felt unsafe! And I don’t live in a good area.

Teeshirt · 07/02/2023 18:38

What type of things do you mean? The couple of things I’ve had in buses were fights on the bus, and they were scary -people leaping over seats to fight etc. But I can think of only two instances in 30 years, and I travel by tube/bus/train virtually every day.

DdraigGoch · 07/02/2023 18:38

I've got no fear of public transport but can certainly relate to the irritation about low-level anti-social behaviour.

Despite what you might think, I've actually encountered less of this on buses than on trains. Maybe it's the fact that you are obliged to pay before boarding, or maybe it's because you can't really put your feet on the seats if they don't face each other.

CatatonicLadybug · 07/02/2023 18:42

Can you identify some strategies to help yourself so you feel more confident? I’m also in London and take public transport every day. For trains, you can always change carriages any time if someone makes you feel uncomfortable. You can even pretend to call a friend and ask which carriage she’s on and then say you’ll come to meet her. (I hate talking on the phone so that would make me more nervous personally but I have a friend who swears by it!) On the tube you can get off and move a few carriages down or just stay on the platform and wait for the next train. On the bus, stay nearer the driver if you are nervous and remind yourself it is okay to shout for help if you need it.

If stuff like that seems impossible or you’re instantly scared of another person in the next carriage, etc, then maybe it’s time to see someone professional to talk through how your anxiety is keeping you from getting through the day.

Original poster
JamSandle · 07/02/2023 19:02

Teeshirt · 07/02/2023 18:25

I would find an Uber worse -being alone trapped in a car with a driver. And driving also would be worse -too much opportunity for accidents.

Ubers have cameras in now and I take a photo of the license plate and have my journey tracked. I do mainly use pt though - I just don't like doing it.

OP posts:
SparkleBrows · 07/02/2023 19:05

I feel safe on public transport in London where "everyone" uses it, but more regionally the demographic is more narrow and it can have an aggressive feel about it, I agree.

RoseBucket · 07/02/2023 19:11

My daughter is getting the same, she never had a fear before however keeps getting harassed and twice has had sleazy men sit next to her on an otherwise empty carriage.

DaisyCornflowerBlue · 07/02/2023 19:25

I'm the opposite with Ubers/Private hire vehicles...I don't feel safe in them at all. The driver is usually male, and you are on your own with him. It's anxiety inducing. Don't care that they are tracked, makes no difference to me.

Whereas on public transport if you get into bother there's always people to help, especially when being harassed. (Luckily that hasn't happened to me for a while. I'm old & flabby these days)

BanjoKnockers · 07/02/2023 19:32

I think you're overanalysing. If you're scared then you're scared. Crime certainly does happen on public transport. What risk you're prepared to take and whether you feel comfortable is a totally personal matter I think, and what financial cost you're prepared to pay to avoid risk is also personal. No one can really criticise you for that.

(Crime and other risks also happen in all sorts of other places and you have to make the same decision there.)

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