To feel a bit left out at work

[Painauchocolats]

In the past 5 years or so I've just really struggled making friends, I don't know why. I made some in school, uni and postgraduate study and in my early jobs but it's just gotten harder.
I'm 32, and work full time in a team of predominantly women, along with 3 men.
I actually worked at this place around 3 years ago for a few months but left due to the hours, and I started back just over a month ago.
I don't know if I'm expecting a lot after a month but I've got absolutely nothing social in the pipeline, and I haven't got the courage to ask anyone.
I know a lot of them are going on a big night out next month as they've been discussing it. I've tried adding a few of them on social media and I try to chat to them on shift.
I think I'm good at my job (hopefully) and I work hard, I pick up a lot of overtime too.
There are a small number of staff there who, even though they're always nice to me, they prefer working with other people for whatever reason. There are some tasks where 2 people are required and some in which one person is sufficient. Some of these staff will always work together and ask if I want to do the individual work. I don't mind either, I just don't know why they don't want to work with me. They also won't make much conversation on shift with me. Some staff always do though and are happy to work with me alone.

My partner said that he and his colleagues started going out for drinks a few days after he started working there . He wasn't rubbing it in, I just asked him how long it had taken and he told me.
I don't have many friends in general, fortunately I have my partner and family.
I don't have any poor hygiene that I know of, I'm always smiling, I'm polite and show an interest. I'm trying hard to think of what might put them off.
I'm a little quiet at times but once I get to know the person well I'm ok. A lot of my colleagues are from the local area and all know the same people, and I seem to have had a different sort of background. I don't know if they see me as a bit of an outlier.

Maybe people think I'm a little weird. I've done agency work for a while before this and I thought finally now I'm in one place, I'll hopefully make friends.
Not sure what the solution is really, sorry for the rant. Just seems so much easier for everyone else I know.

Personally I think a month is far too soon to expect to be included in a night out. Unless it's a load of new starters starting at the same time.

I don't accept colleagues requests on social media either, I like to keep my private life separate.

I think just keep being friendly in work, but don't expect that to become a main social outlet.

''@TheFretfulPorpentine · Today 14:16
I think you need to concentrate on finding friends outside work.''

I think that's a very wise comment.

Work friendships are usually quite superficial anyway in my experience anyway and very often will fade away as soon as someone moves on to another job.

I had a couple of bad experiences as well with people pretending to be friendly then just happily stabbing me in the back, so I am very careful now and prefer to keep my distances.

Just keep being pleasant with your colleagues and don't expect too much in term of friendship.

I also think you need to try to find friends outside work. I’m sure there is nothing wrong with you, it’s simply they want to work with their mates, and the ones they are used to.

I will be brutally honest though and say the fact you’re quite quiet could he an issue, so could you define that, do you make conversation, are you showing interest in them, do you initiate conversation?

I've always found it takes about 3 months to settle in and another 3 to really get accepted.

A month is nothing in terms of forming proper work friendships in my experience, especially if lots of people already have established groups and routines. If you’re still feeling left out a year from now then maybe this isn’t the workplace for you, but if you like the people there and you like the job then you need to give it more time.

Thanks everyone, I'll try to not give up yet.

Could you start a class or hobby after/around work? It's a lovely way to meet people who share your interests and you might care less about the work friendships if you have something fun to go to afterwards 😊

Hmmm ok you kinda closed it,and maybe you didn’t read my post, But how do you behave , are you interesting or chatty, show interest in others proactively ie ask questions etc , are you fun, or involved, or easy going,are you a good listener,

Basically I am asking, and using your words, other than the fact you don’t smell, smile a lot, are good at your job, and are polite, work in the same place and show an interest , what would make them want to be mates with you and invite you out?

because for social events they will invite those who fit in or bring something to the party, add something by them being there. Someone they enjoy talking to, or can have a laugh with, or share interests with.

so that’s the question, you want them to be your friend and include you. But what would make them want to do this, other than they don’t wish someone to be excluded?

They sound cliquey to me.

Sorry I missed it, yes I think I do show interest in other people and I'm easy going, people there say I seem very laid back.
I also think I've got a good sense of humour and I'm jokey.
Who knows really, I'll just have to give things a few more months and try to not take it personally. As another poster said sometimes you just don't click.

Just wanted to chip in and say you sound absolutely lovely, @Painauchocolats - I agree that it's probably just a matter of time.

Why would you want to rely on your work to have a social life? Work's work. Adding colleagues on social media is wierd. They're not your friends, they're colleagues.
Get some hobbies and meet people away from work.