Snoring

[AlbinoAxolotl]

My OH snores. A lot. Loudly. Has done for 20+ years.

It massively disturbs my sleep, I go to sleep wearing earplugs in anticipation, but am still frequently woken up and often have to relocate to the sofa in the middle of the night (as I cannot get him to roll over, let alone wake up). About 20 years ago he tried an anti snoring device once, but found it mildly uncomfortable (as I find earplugs, and the sleep mask that I wear so that he can also read until ungodly hours) and so has refused to try anything else again, and maintains that it is my problem being a light sleeper.

Yesterday the dentist asked again if he grinds his teeth- he always maintains that he doesn't as I would complain about it
(I imagine that the earplugs actually drown out this small noise). However the dentist said he probably grinds his teeth as a reaction to his snoring and suggested mouth taping. He immediately ordered some mouth tape.

Obviously I will benefit from this (if it works, and if he actually sticks with it for
more than 1 night).

My problem is that I am annoyed that he has not bothered to do anything about
this until he has found out that it is actually affecting him.

Am I being unreasonable to conclude that my health and wellbeing is very low down on his list of priorities?

(it is worth noting that he is overweight, smokes and often drinks too much - all known causes of snoring)

Thanks for reading

Snoring is so loud and disruptive that it's easy to lose sight of the fact it's never done at a conscious level. If there was a pill you could take to end snoring most reasonable people would take it.

I would suggest making an audio recording of your partner snoring, and really try to communicate the toll it is taking on your wellbeing, and the severity of the situation. Approaching from different angle may encourage greater proactive action.

Don’t suppose you can have separate bedrooms? He sounds inconsiderate all-round, and you shouldn’t have to sleep on the sofa.

i could have written this. Even down to the trying of a mouth guard for one night , finding it slightly uncomfortable and giving up. We now have separate rooms. I sleep. My DH isn’t always happy about this but if he moans I just ask him what he’s planning to do about his snoring. The answer is always “nothing” or “i don’t snore that badly - you’re just a light sleeper”. He will never change, is also overweight….. so I’m looking after number 1.

I'm the snorer in our house, I've always snored a bit, but it's got way worse and louder as I've aged. Anti snore throat spray helps a bit (husband says the volume is decreased) and nasal strips to hold the nostrils open. Also he is a terrible fidget, thrashes all around the bed all night (though that may just be my snoring keeping him awake) so we sleep in separate bedrooms. Saves us from feeling murderous towards each other!

thanks Everyone, I feel better for ranting!

My DH also has snored for many years, not caring that it affected me.
For about 2 years we have had separate rooms. Bliss.

My OH has slept our entire relationship (20+ years) but over the last year I have started (can only put down to menopause) he is now waking me up all night and I am now so anxious at bed time. He spends ages looking at his phone before he tries to sleep so I'm soundo. I can sleep in my daughters bed but it's not very comfortable. Feeling so tired at the mo that I'm thinking divorce is the only option!

My DH also tried the mouth guard for 2 seconds and put it in the bin. No concern about how he was affecting me. So it’s separate rooms now. Bliss !

I would be so hurt if DH didn't even try.

DH does snore and uses things like the nose strips, throat spray, pillow sprays, like a weird paper thingy that sits on your tongue etc.

The fact that he tries means a lot. I'd be really upset if he point blank refused.

The problem with the mouth guards is that they can make you gag if you have an overreactive gag reflex so a lot of people can't use them.

But you have my sympathy OP sleep depravation is no joke, I'd go with the separate room if possible.

He should be checked for Obstructive Sleep Apnea. It can cause a number of health problems and reduce your lifespan.
Causes include obesity, drinking and smoking and getting older (the only one you can't avoid).

Oh I can relate to this so much.

My partner was exactly the same, I used to wear ear plugs, move rooms, could still hear him. The neighbours would hang on the wall. I honestly had sever anxiety around bed time and would have the worst sleep. I ended up booking him an appointment with the doctor who referred him for a sleep study.

Turned out he had sleep apnea and stopped breathing 40 plus times in a 60 minute period. He now wears a mask and has a machine. I know it's uncomfortable for him and he hates it but he does sleep better and has told me he's less tired.
I wonder if maybe a sleep study might be worth it to rule out anything like that?

Also just to add to this when the nurse spoke to him about how bad sleep apnea is for your health if left untreated he did have a little panic and it's now on board.

He was also a avoider... tried everything from nose strips to mouth guards. Which were too comfortable ect ect. He is mildly overweight did smoke doesn't now, did drink, doesn't really now.

My husband is an awful snorer and we now have separate bedrooms because of it.

I have pleaded with him so many times to go to the doctors about it, but he won’t. He’s one of those men who wouldn’t go to the doctor even if his arm fell off.

Personally I think he won’t go because he knows his weight will be mentioned….

You have my sympathy and I understand why you’re angry.

I used to feel resentful towards my DH when he could see the difficulties his snoring was causing me and the impact it was having but still not doing anything about it.

Separate bedrooms has been a life saver and he can snore all night now for all I care, it’s not my problem anymore.

He wasn’t happy about the separate bedrooms but I said that if he’s not prepared to go to GP then he cannot expect me to just put up with it.