To want help with this accident?

[Rcnls]

Me and my DH work shifts, him full time me part time. Last week he was on lates which means it's pretty much all on me with the kids (hats off single mummas and daddas!), But that led me to be extremely tired by Friday evening.

Unfortunately on this Friday evening through tiredness and darkness I reversed my car into the driveway wall rendering it to need replacing.

Also to add to that, I've recently given back my lease car with reversing cameras (due to rising cost of living!) And now driving DH old car with no cameras 😂 not that that's an excuse but what's done is done.

Anyway he was on a late shift and a gently put it to him in a text what had happened. He immediately was passively unpleasant about it but I expected no less anyway.

The next morning he was fairly okay about it but said not to text him about such a thing while he was at work and to leave it till the next day when is home. Okay, fair enough.

Fast forward to weekend and I'm trying to find a company or someone to come and give me a quote.

Now I'm ashamed to say me and DH have pretty much taken on the pink and blue jobs in the house. Anything to do with maintenance, building works, cars etc I haven't got a clue. Equally anything to do with kids, school, clubs, payments etc he hasn't.

But for some reason he seemed unwilling to get involved in finding someone for a quote so I just got on with it.

One of them I got recommended by a friend (a company)

Two of them I got off check a trade (more solo one man bands)

We ended up having an argument which escalated quickly on Sunday, but basically DH saying "no don't use the recommended company as they might be dodgy ... And .... No don't use the check a trade as don't want a one man band want a company"... All the while this was said to me like I was stupid, so I gave him a look to suggest I was pissed off and it then escalated.

He's trying to dig himself out of this but my basic argument is why aren't you willing to help me with this.... I'm happy to. All, arrange quotes, organise the work and pay for it.. but as my DH why are you being , in my opinion, conflicting and spiteful to not help me find some suitable people to get a quote from? He knows more about this stuff than I do. I really haven't got a clue

AIBU to expect DH to help me find a suitable company?

It just sound like a daft argument to me. He doesn't want you to use the recommended place and he doesn't want you to use the check a trade either so he now needs to say what he does want rather than what he doesn't want.

Most people would be happy to have a recommendation from a friend. So yes, he needs to either take charge of this project or step back and let you do it.

Well he bas stepped back now and has threatened to kick the wall down if it's not done properly and I'll have to pay for it again. Obviously if it's not done properly then he's but why so aggressive about it

Then yes*

He sounds nuts. Why would he think that anyone would want a wall rebuilt improperly. You both want the same thing presumably. The wall fixed.

If my husband said that to me about kicking it down, I'd say "you have 2 weeks to get a quote from someone you're happy with. If you don't do it, I'm getting xxx to do it. If you then kick it down, you're paying for it yourself. End of story."

What a weird relationship. You don't sound like a team at all. That's a bit sad.

You don't sound like a team at all, strange relationship no offence.

You both want the same thing presumably. The wall fixed.

I highly doubt that.

I think he doesn’t want the additional spend at this time, and is stalling for time.

Your issue isn't the wall.

This ^^

The wall is literally the very least of your problems. This is not a relationship, you are not a team and he sounds like a twat. Honestly fuck the wall I suggests instead you start seriously rethinking the relationship.

What is the point of your partnership if it’s not a partnership?

Seriously.... forget the wall. The wall is a non issue

What
Is
The
Matter
With
Him?

And why are you with this dickhead?

He sounds like a twat. Threatening to kick the wall down ???

The majority could be put down to one of those stupid arguments that gets petty for no good reason, but the last part about kicking the wall and you paying again just sounds nasty and aggressive

Hes punishing you for the wall. He knows you feel out of your depth qnd he's making you question every decision, making it very clear that if anything goes wrong then it's all your fault.

There's a lot of stuff here.

You work part time, he works full time, so the household responsibility/pink/blue job thing isn't that relevant.

Texting him when he's on a night shift (?) to tell him you've reversed into the wall could probably have waited.

But, he's made you sort the damage out because he's pissed off at you causing the damage in the first place. So he's making you "pay" by finding someone to fix it. Then stepping in when he thinks you've made a mistake.

Only you know what your relationship is like usually. You yourself said you have no clue about finding people to do this kind of work. Did you actually tell him that, or were you effectively bullied into doing it?