Posting here purely for traffic and more responses (sorry) Name changed too.
My darling little sister has taken her own life. I say little but she was 34. To me she will always be my little sister. She had BPD and life was hard for her.
All she ever wanted was to be loved. She wanted a husband, a child, dogs, her own home. Nothing fancy. Just a lot of love and a simple life. She never saw herself the way we saw her. She was so free spirited. So full of joy and life. She travelled the world, had friends in every corner of the globe. She was so intelligent. So funny. The best auntie, sister and daughter. She’s the type of person that would cry if she saw a stranger crying or if she met a homeless person. Her heart was just so pure.
Things were really bad for her in the last years of her life. She couldn’t work and refused to claim benefits. Between me and my mum we kept her going. We helped her apply for DBT (the only therapy proven to help BPD patients) she was turned down twice. We helped her apply for PIP. She was rejected three times. One night we found her standing at the edge of a bridge and we called a mental health crisis team. They were phenomenal and she really did the work. We’ve kept her therapy journal. It makes me so proud to see how hard she tried.
She met a man in our home country online(somewhere where most healthcare is private and very expensive). He promised her the world. All the things she’d always dreamed of, including sending her to chef school. Within 6 weeks she left the UK to move in with him.
It became apparent almost immediately that he was not who she thought he was. He was cruel and abusive. He didn’t add her to his medical insurance. He assaulted his son in front of her. Tried to keep her away from family. Made her turn her passcode off so he had full access to her phone. On Christmas Eve he crushed Xanax into his own mother’s drink because she was ‘being annoying’ and he wanted her to go to bed. She kept this from us until just before she died because she didn’t want to be seen as a ‘failure’ again.
He regularly gave my sister illegally obtained pharmaceuticals when she was ‘being a handful’ due to her BPD. He coerced her into using cocaine, which she hadn’t touched since her early twenties. He forced her to cook and clean for him. Treated her like hired help.
On the weekend she overdosed (Sunday 15/01) he told her he’d never marry her. She wasn’t good enough for him.
She overdosed at around 7pm UK time. He took her to the closest local hospital (private) which refused to pump her stomach without payment. They gave her one dose of meds to reverse the paracetamol overdose and a bag of saline. He refused all other treatment because he didn’t want to pay. Even blood tests. He had the means he just didn’t want to pay. Our dad lives less than 10 minutes away. He told the hospital he was her next of kin. He wasn’t. My dad was. He claimed to have forgotten both of their phones at home so that’s why he didn’t call my father. My father would’ve done anything necessary to save her, no matter the cost. We’ve since discovered that this man had both his and my sister’s phones on him. A mutual friend told us he spoke to him on his mobile and he was told he was was at the hospital. My sisters life 360 app shows that her phone was there. The pathologist has said this hospital had a duty to stabilise her. This should have been done even if she was not a private paying patient.
He told us she was unconscious when he found her. The hospital have told us she walked in herself. Her Glasgow coma scale was 14/15. This means she was slightly disorientated but completely alert and awake. She was trasnsported to a state hospital (awake) at 11:45 UK time. At no point was she unconscious whilst in their care.
On arrival at the next hospital they also never treated her for her overdose. They did nothing at all. She slipped into a coma at around 2:30am UK time. She was then out on life support/ a ventilator. The bastard boyfriend left her at this point and then called my mother here in the UK. She called me and I then called my father (they are divorced and hadn’t spoken in over 20 years) My father arrived 20 minutes later but it was too late. He was told she was not coming back from this. It took him 8 hours to inform anyone in our family 😭 It’s as if he intentionally wanted her to die and wanted to wait until he was sure she wouldn’t survive.
The nearest private hospital wanted £100k upfront to take her because of the state she was in at that point. It just couldn’t be done. She was transported to another public hospital that was absolutely phenomenal. Their ICU was on par with any private ICU in the country. Their staff cried when we cried. They held us up when our legs gave out. We arrived on 17/01 and she died surrounded by the ones who loved her most at 19/01. As they turned off all life saving measures we stroked her head and arms and made sure she knew how loved he was. We opened a window just before she died to make sure her soul was free to roam and explore as she did in life. I will never forget the way my parents screamed. I will never forget the nurses who held me while I threw up and wailed with grief.
A 30 second call to my dad would’ve saved her life. This man killed her. The police are saying there is not enough evidence for criminal charges.
My beautiful baby sister, I’m so sorry we all failed you and didn’t see the signs. I’m so angry. I want revenge. I want him to suffer. I’m so overwhelmed with grief I feel like I can’t breathe or take care of myself. Mummy and I accepted you just as you were. We kept you safe and loved. We fought for you. We were always there for you no matter what.
How do I move forward from this? She was my world. A second mum to my babies. My heart and soul.
How do I access bereavement services without waiting 6 months?
How do we make this man pay for taking her life? How can I help others with BPD access the services they are being denied? There is so much I want to do my mind is racing.
I’m so broken 💔