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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not do food for party

371 replies

ttctimeforme · 06/02/2023 18:54

If you went to an party in the evening at a venue, around 7:30pm onwards.. would you expect food to be provided?

OP posts:
PaperFun · 06/02/2023 19:37

ttctimeforme · 06/02/2023 19:29

@DuplicateUserName no but I've never been to a party or even a wedding and expected someone to pay for my drinks for the privilege of me attending their party.. personally 🙄

Why are you doing this party? Sounds like your heart isn’t in it?

I would say providing one welcome drink is not abnormal.

Can you host jointly? With someone who perhaps has some experience in organising parties? Because you don’t really seem to know what you are doing and it would be good to get some help?

Johnnysgirl · 06/02/2023 19:38

ttctimeforme · 06/02/2023 18:57

I was thinking of just doing some sweet food, cakes, doughnuts etc

Would that be sufficient?

It's not about budget it's because it's a surprise party it will be very difficult to arrange food and the venue doesn't offer it

Cakes and doughnuts? No. Not when people are (presumably?) drinking.

chipsandpeas · 06/02/2023 19:38

any local pubs that do food, might be worth asking them

cptartapp · 06/02/2023 19:39

Wannakisstheteacher · 06/02/2023 19:30

I’d be so embarrassed if someone threw me a surprise party like this. I’d 100% rather know and make sure my guests had a good time than have a surprise and watch my friends and family nibbling a doughnut when they were obviously expecting some actual food.

This

1FootInTheRave · 06/02/2023 19:39

A pay bar is fine, if you have food and music etc.

No food and pay bar is appallingly bad.

Don't forget people will be paying out to attend.

You really do need to consider your guests.

momtoboys · 06/02/2023 19:39

Am I understanding that you are going to charge the guests for drinks?

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 06/02/2023 19:39

DuplicateUserName · 06/02/2023 19:33

It's neither silly nor irrelevant in some cultures.

And if you read what you quoted, you'll see I didn't say it should be.

Show quote history

Silly and irrelevant in the context of OP's thread. Imo.

ComeTheSpringLobelia · 06/02/2023 19:39

DuplicateUserName · 06/02/2023 19:36

And most guests will probably fork out for a present too.

Show quote history

Very true. It's making me a bit stressed just thinking of it!!

Original poster
ttctimeforme · 06/02/2023 19:39

@DuplicateUserName I don't think anyone will buy a present and I wouldn't expect them too. We only really buy presents for the children in the family now

There won't be any travelling, other than 2 miles down the road, it's a small party with closest friends and family

OP posts:
PaperFun · 06/02/2023 19:40

Change the venue to somewhere that does snacks. If money isn’t an issue you really need to do it somewhere that supples food as none of the advice you have been given will work apparently at this place.

TheChosenTwo · 06/02/2023 19:40

I’d be surprised not to see food at an evening party but I’d not eat it regardless so it’s no loss to me! I don’t eat when I’m drinking 😂

viques · 06/02/2023 19:40

ttctimeforme · 06/02/2023 18:57

It is drinks too, there's a bar

Then it needs savoury food to soak up the drinks.

even if it is just cheese and bread ,

Johnnysgirl · 06/02/2023 19:41

ttctimeforme · 06/02/2023 19:16

It's not a big party, just something small with 30-40 close friends and family

No caterers that I can find on google really in this area unfortunately

I had a look at getting the sandwiches from m&s and they had wraps etc too but then sandwiches and wraps aren't enough either on their own are they..

The pizza idea could work but would this look a bit naff I'm not sure?

I don't know when I'll be able to get to the party to set up either

If I manage to pull this party off without getting caught out I'll be amazed 😅

It doesn't sound much of a party, tbh. Assembling 30-40 people and not actually hosting them is quite weird. The person the party is in aid of will probably be quite embarrassed.

ComeTheSpringLobelia · 06/02/2023 19:41

If it is small and just 2 miles down the road get yourself onto M&S online and order some party platters. They are really pretty good.

gogohmm · 06/02/2023 19:41

Yes unless you specifically state not. Many of us won't have eaten if going out at 7pm or earlier

Original poster
ttctimeforme · 06/02/2023 19:41

@PaperFun I haven't said none of it will work have I? 🙄

OP posts:
Iceicebabytoocold · 06/02/2023 19:41

ttctimeforme · 06/02/2023 19:16

It's not a big party, just something small with 30-40 close friends and family

No caterers that I can find on google really in this area unfortunately

I had a look at getting the sandwiches from m&s and they had wraps etc too but then sandwiches and wraps aren't enough either on their own are they..

The pizza idea could work but would this look a bit naff I'm not sure?

I don't know when I'll be able to get to the party to set up either

If I manage to pull this party off without getting caught out I'll be amazed 😅

You think the pizza suggestion might be a bit naff but are considering providing no food or doughnuts?? Really??

olympicsrock · 06/02/2023 19:42

You definitely need to do savory food. We once went to a party where there were only bowls of peanuts. We left starving at 9:30 making the excuse of a babysitter. Had travelled an hour to be there !

StClare101 · 06/02/2023 19:42

7:30 is dinner. I’d expect that amount of food in some form, not just sweet things. Order pizza in if you have to.

knittingaddict · 06/02/2023 19:42

I love a doughnut, but the idea of an evening party with a tonne of sweet stuff and alcohol turns my stomach somewhat.

Basically, yes you need food. Savoury rather than sweet.

Stressfordays · 06/02/2023 19:42

If you're not going to provide food then don't do the party. Sorry OP but you need to figure out a solution, speak to the venue, do they allow outside caterers or food at all? If not, then the venue isn't appropriate.

VyeBrator · 06/02/2023 19:43

OP when you host a party, you invite guests.

As a host, it's your job to provide something for those guests so yes, you would be very very unreasonable not to provide food at the very least.

With no food and no drink, what exactly are you giving them apart from the opportunity to see the person who the party is being thrown for Confused

CoconutQueen · 06/02/2023 19:43

Not doughnuts and sweets with your drinks for goodness sake!! At least get some crisps and sausage rolls. Not cakes and doughnuts!!

Johnnysgirl · 06/02/2023 19:43

Were you actually asked to organise this party, op? Maybe ask one of the other guests for help if you're struggling.
Not providing food and drink is not how you do it.

Echobelly · 06/02/2023 19:44

I'd expect something approximating dinner for an evening thing starting before 9pm, yeah.

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