To bring up breach of trust with friend

[Namechange456782]

So, my partner and I have been together for nearly a year. We dated a long time ago too.

One of my best friends has another friend who was friends with my partner (‘mutual friend’). When DP and I were talking again, mutual friend voiced to my best friend that they were worried he would get hurt as there was history and old feelings. Fine - mutual friend was fair to be concerned.

I spoke to best friend at the time about my feelings and about the fact that I was casually sleeping with someone. Best friend screenshotted these messages and sent them to mutual friend without my knowledge which DP has just told me about (part of a relevant conversation). DP obviously doesn’t give a shit about the content of the messages.

I am fucking livid. I can’t believe best friend screenshotted messages I’d told her in confidence and then sent them to someone I’m not even really friends with?! It’s a massive breach of trust but it did happen nearly a year ago and I’m not sure what can gained from raising it now. My instinct, tbh, is to talk to her about it in person. I totally get mutual friend being concerned but my best friend only vaguely knew DP so frankly it had fuck all to do with her.

YABU - just leave it
YANBU - raise it in a calm way

I'd also be asking her what other conversations of yours she's screen-shotted and sent to other people. If she's done it with this one, she'll have done it with others.

what on earth do you hope to get out of continuing "friendship" with a despicable person who behaved like that? You can never trust her again with anything private or confidential. I wouldn;t want to leave her alone in a room in my house, poking around in private stuff.

You describe her as a best friend, but then go on to say you've got a (totally unconnected to this) even better best friend. I think she's in the same situation. Yes she considers you a friend, but thinks of 'mutual' as a better one. So when it came to picking sides she chose mutual.

Did mutual have her eye on your now DP by any chance?

Well I have multiple best friends.

Yep - the mutual friend definitely fancied (maybe still does) my partner. They don’t speak anymore due to her behaviour.

Even if you decided not to bring it up, how could you ever have a message conversation with her without worrying that she doesn't actually believe that your conversations are private? You would end up having a very superficial relationship knowing that anything you put in writing could be shared with anyone.