So down about my 40th

[Mondaysdontscareme]

Yes, age is just a number and all that. But 40 feels like such a watershed. I recently read that women over 40 shouldn't grow their hair long anymore. And women over 40 shouldn't do this and shouldn't dress like that. I think if I were my normal self I could laugh about it.

But I have had a really tough year last year being sick for the entire second half of it. It started with catching covid in June which turned into long covid with a myriad of symptoms (palpitations, dizzyness, chest pain, muscle aches, joint pain, extreme fatigue, terrible forgetfulness, brain fog... and more that I can't remember (hah)). My hair fell out as well.

I have an intellectually demanding full-time job. I only managed to work for about 5 weeks during the second half of last year. And right now I am just about surviving but I don't feel like I am really staying afloat and think I need to reduce my hours which is easier said than done (small company with fewer than 10 employees).

I love to exercise, I normally really go for it but I cannot do anything that raises my heart rate without it leading to an energy crash one or two days later.
So I am doing daily yoga which makes me feel a little better but even that drains me energy wise.

I have two small kids (5 and 3) who are lovely but that means it's very hard to get enough time to myself to recover in any case.
I have been fighting with my husband about the split of the household for the last decade. It's an ongoing battle.

My hair got so thin I had to cut it shorter in December and the hairdresser said I should only have a blunt cut as layers would make it look too wispy (see above about long hair at 40+: I like wearing it long).
I have looked younger than my age for most of my teenage/adult life- it actually annoyed me a lot in my 20's. I recently noticed that my laugh lines don't disappear anymore when I stop smiling.

I just feel like I have been falling apart physically in a very short space of time and it's hard to cope with. I hope that the long covid will eventually resolve but there is no guarantee.

And to top this none of my many parents (after two divorces I basically have six parents and all these people have one single child between them: myself) or in-laws even sent me a birthday card. They manage just fine to send cards and presents to my husband and children and they do get cards/presents from us. All of them live several hours away.

This has really hurt me. I have had such a shitty last year, I am barely, no actually I am not keeping it together, I have always looked out for everyone but now for the first time I need help and encouragement and it feels like there is nothing forthcoming.

I don't really have an AIBU just please: give me a remote hug and tell me it'll be OK.

I loved turning 40 once I realised j did not care what people thought of me. 10 years later my hair has never been so long, and I dye the greys with pride (skill learnt through lockdown) and cracked on.

Long Covid sounds horrible, hang in there and hopefully it will get better. Many people swear by cold water swimming to help with that, maybe worth thinking about.

And I'll go and get my hormones checked. I always thought menopause comes with night sweats and insomnia (that's how my mum experienced it and she was over 50). I thankfully have neither of those.
In addition to fatigue I do have joint pain (fingers and toes, never had it before) and muscle weakness (like I'm walking down the stairs in our house and feel that my legs will give out under me- they haven't so far).
I went for a massage and the massage therapist told me that my muscles feel weird and that she'd encountered that more recently with people who say they struggle with covid recovery. But there is no definitive diagnosis so it could be something else.

I'm sorry your parents and step-parents etc have been so shit, OP. I can't believe none of them have sent you a birthday card. Could it be the delayed post, maybe?

You have my deepest sympathy and I am rooting for you!

I had a mole appear on my waterline last summer which I had to get cut off as it was getting rapidly bigger and irritating my cornea. Thankfully benign. Pretty weird.

Heading for witch status is quite aspirational. I grow lots of herbs and can do pretty convincing tarot readings. I could steal my neighbor's black cat too hmmm there's a thought.

When you’re 50, you’ll look back on 40 as young. Don’t Easter your energy feeling past it when you’re not.

Younds like you need blood tests. But you work and you have 2 young kids, you can expect to be knackered and spread too thin.

Christ auto correct - you get the gist.

Don’t waste your energy..

@Mondaysdontscareme my kids have got a toy broomstick somewhere and my cats mostly black 🤔

@Reluctantadult Fellow witch here 👌👋

I've had friends state they are now '40 and fabulous!' And my god they are and I believe them and I'm not in any way dreading turning 40.... my life gets better as I age 🙌🏻 on the other hand in training to be an advanced clinical practitioner nurse.... frequently I hear that all health problems start occurring in the 4th decade of life 🤣 it's a catch 22 but don't dread it...... 40 is fabulous and and enjoy it ❤️😘

Sounds really, really tough OP. Birthday hugs...and hope that things get better this year for you x

They do sound like peri menopause pains. There's an app called balance that you can use to track symptoms.

I don't want to rub it in when you're feeling awful OP. But I'm 12 months off of turning 40 and I feel as fit as a fiddle, have nice thick hair which I will wear however I goddam like, and think I look great - probably my age, but fresh faced and 'youthful' with it.
I spent the morning today at an indoor climbing centre with my husband, and then we've just done a 6 mile round walk to go for one drink at a country pub with our dog.
I hate all of this "Im falling apart and life's over at 40" crap that I keep seeing on Mumsnet. Say it enough and society at large will start to agree - and then we women are written off as we age.
Do some investing in yourself OP - in your appearance and health (or whatever) - to get yourself out of this funk.

Ahhhh @PandasAreUseless (which they are!) the thing is, it sneaks up on you! 5 years ago I didn't have any of the ailments I listed. 2 years ago I only had my back injury. Glad you're having a good time though!

@PandasAreUseless You sound super full of yourself and if you don't want to rub it in, don't! Lol
OP has explained she has long covid which has caused hair thinning. Have a little compassion and don't make people feel worse than they already do. Not a good look really. Tacky AF. Sorry but it is.

You're young!

@Reluctantadult I'm definitely inspired by the 55/56 year olds at my running club who are in great health. I do a mix of exercise types so that, hopefully if I get injured in one area, I can still do something. You can but try.

I do (unsarcastically) hope that you will continue to thrive and had I not had those sudden problems I would have thought the same (though probably wouldn't have written it down in a public forum where someone asked for a hug).

Personally I feel it's a coincidence that I'm turning 40 at the same time and not cause and effect.

I just feel like society is rubbing it in because I am clearly vulnerable at the moment. I do not want my life to be like this: feeling weak and frail.
I revel in being powerful, independent and full of adventure.

Last February I went out cycling on my road bike for a 40 mile ride with 10,000 feet of climbing no problem and I adored my new fiercely red lush long hair.
I also carried my small kids up and down mountains in a hiking backpack.

I took on a really tough new job when my younger child was 20 months old. Because hey I can do everything.

So now I have to eat humble pie myself and it fucking stings.

"In addition to fatigue I do have joint pain (fingers and toes, never had it before) and muscle weakness (like I'm walking down the stairs in our house and feel that my legs will give out under me- they haven't so far). "

I think this needs investigating. You could have early onset say hip needing replacement. Or, if a lack of oestrogen, Osteopenia, = pre Osteoporosis, caused by long term lack of oestrogen, that only a bone scan will see.

Covid can trigger auto immune issues which can initially be misdiagnosed as long covid. See if your GP will do the relevant bloods and refer you to a rheumatologist.

I had hair loss & thinning due to medical issues & started using L'Occitane Strength & Volume shampoo. It stopped my excessive hair loss within 2 weeks & I noticed regrowth after 2 months. Wonderful stuff!

Love the flaming red hair and eccentric shoes, that sounds such a cool look, go for it

Before Christmas, I encountered a woman in her mid-80s who had a 60-something partner. When they first got together 10 years back, she told me they'd rush through any time apart, appointments etc so she could (and I quote) 'hurry up and get some cock'

Which is a lewd & roundabout way of saying that age is but a number. I agree your health problems are likely to have exacerbated your feelings towards your age, but they won't last forever and the only thing holding you back is yourself. Best of luck!